Is he just not into me?

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

Trippin, I truly was not being spiteful when I wrote to his family. A month ago, just before he went into the hospital, I wrote an email to them because he had asked me to be his primary caretaker during his cancer treatment and I was afraid they saw me as too much of an outsider. We'd been dating for 6 months, and I didn't think they knew how serious things were between us. I showed him the letter before I sent it, and he encouraged me to send it. During his treatment, I was at the hospital almost every waking moment. I felt a subtle tug of war from his daughters, and I tried to back away at times to give them time alone with their dad. When they weren't there, I sent text updates to the entire family when there was news from a lab test or the doctor.

I've also kept in constant contact with his mother. She called me frequently to get updates and see how he was doing because she didn't want to bother him. His brother did that as well. Last week, his mother called several times and wanted to know why I wasn't with him. She sounded hurt and disappointed in me. She asked why I was not being his caretaker anymore. That broke my heart. At the time, I simply told her he had not asked to see me, which was true.

I know a lot of people don't care what others think, but I'm not one of them. Despite what this man did, I felt awful about walking away from him mid-way through his cancer treatment. Especially since I had told his family I would be by bis side. I felt they needed and deserved an explanation. My letter was not mean-spirited. I told them I was not trying to disparage him, I just needed them to understand why I could no longer be his caretaker.

Things work in mysterious way....I know it was awful to find him kissing other woman BUT imagine you weren't there and didn't know it and spent another year with him! While he is doing who knows what. Heck no. Be glad you were there that night.

Your guts were telling you the truth, he sucks!!!!!!! Always trust yourself

Don't worry about what others think of your letter. When you deal with families and kids it is just not you and him. It is more than that. Your letter was a necessary move on your part. Plus you gave him a chance to redeem himself by telling his family he is the one leaving you. You behave an honorable manner!

Many many hugs to you and congratulations on getting out and good luck

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Thank you, Divine. I think the worst truth is better than the best lie. I am so glad to finally have concrete proof and a reason to walk away--even if he denies it. That's why I went to check up on him. It WAS awful seeing the kiss, but it's the best thing that could have happened to me, considering the circumstances.

Please don't allow yourself to be sucked into this situation again. The whole family sounds like manipulative users, of which you've been the victim. You don't owe them any more explanations. Again, don't feel hurt, be happy and relieved to be rid of him, and them!

I understand the need you felt to write to his family telling why. I would probably have felt the same. But now as they know you dont have to feel bad for leaving.

Even how terrible it was for you to find out, I am glad you did and can move on.

And I as thinking same as seeker does, the family must have known something.

Seeker, I won't get sucked in again. Despite his angry email to me yesterday, today he's texted me asking me to dinner tomorrow night! That is SO is pattern. He doesn't like for anyone to tell him no. But I am ignoring his texts and emails and will continue to do so. I am SO done with his drama. Thanks for your support!

Btw--I don't think his family members are users. They were all very nice and as I said, his daughters' responses to my letter were very supportive and touching. They know the score all too well. They basically said it was his loss!

Tears, his daughters do know he is not a one-woman man. One of them told me she thought about warning me about him, but she assumed I was aware and was okay with it. Another reason I had to let them know why I was walking away!

Thank you, Divine! I appreciate your kind words.

I completely understand. You did the right and now can move on.

And please DO move on!

Hi everyone--
I ran across a great site that has given me a lot to think about but has also helped me in my recovery from a breakup with a narcissist. I just wanted to share the site in case anyone was interested. It explained a lot of what I am going through, and it gives me hope! Maybe it will help someone else too. I hope all of you are well.

https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/

That's a great article. Thanks for sharing. Been there, and done that, and took 3 years of my precious time to recover, all the while doing research. I'm going to PM you.