Is he just not into me?

s4nm4n2006--thank you for your comments. I honestly believe he's only seeing me right now. I see too many of his texts and emails, and spend too much time with him, so I'm positive I'm the only one right now. That's not to say that it could change. And of course, he could be deleting texts and emails, but I really don't think he is. I don't want to live on eggshells constantly wondering, so I will end it at some point. I really do appreciate all of the comments for this question. You have all helped tremendously.

I am sorry and I understand how you feel but with crazy number of women around him he will not be alone. You drove him from the hospital and he wAs chatting with other women. Kind of rude. Even if just friends.

And since they want to cook dinner for him and come to the hospital he can rely on them. Not like he will be alone in his illness. He has support system.

You can leave and do not waste another day

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WOW!

Ok I just saw the post that states his ex is doing his laundry. I felt like my blood pressure went up. I would immediately leave a man who supposedly has ME for a girlfriend yet other women ( not mom or daughter) do his laundry.

I suspect he never told any of these women that you two are serious. I would never disrespect my ex's wife by doing his laundry. Wow.



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[quote=divine1966;4446304]WOW!

Ok I just saw the post that states his ex is doing his laundry. I felt like my blood pressure went up. I would immediately leave a man who supposedly has ME for a girlfriend yet other women ( not mom or daughter) do his laundry.

I suspect he never told any of these women that you two are serious. I would never disrespect my ex's wife by doing his laundry. Wow.

divine, that's exactly the way I felt when she called and wanted to bring him dinner. I was in the room and I was saying, "You have someone who prepares your meals," but he still agreed to let her cook dinner and have their daughter bring it to him. It just felt so disrespectful from both of them. And then today, I took him to the doctor and he called her in the car to thank her for cooking dinner! Yes, I'm serious.

He sure doesn't sound like a one-woman man. I think his constant contact with other woman would bother just about any girlfriend.

I'm not into texting, myself, so I find the amount of time that some people spend on it amazing. I think it's rude to engage in texting during what should be together time with a significant other. I believe you would have a right to ask him to not be constantly interacting with his phone when the two of you are alone together. I would find that intolerable.

Try and learn what ended his two marriages. If it was getting involved with other women, then I wouldn't have high hopes for him being faithful.

Marigold,
In my opinion you are screaming with red flags. Please listen and pay attention to those flag warnings. No person is worth these kind of emotions especially early in a relationship.
I wish you the best!

Marigold, I hurt for you. Even he has cancer he has way too many to take care of him. I dont want to say something bad about someone who has cancer, but to do what he does is rude and he chose to do this in front of you. I think he likes the attention and I think he would like it even he was cancer free. I hope he is not that narcissistic type, they like attention from several women and dont care how his girlfriend/significant other feel.

I know you have said you will handle it by time because you dont feel you can withdraw now. I wouldnt want to be with someone who did this to me. So I hope by time you will leave the realtionship.

You are right, Tenacious. I'm in red flag city. And thank you for the words of encouragement.

Tears, thank you for your kind words. I'm so ready to be out of this relationship, but I don't want to be the woman who left a cancer patient. Nobody else knows, nor will they find out, what a philanderer he really is. He is the most popular, well-liked guy I've ever known. I'm trapped for the time being. But thank you for your support.

[QUOTE=marigold115;4446488]
Well I could see his adult daughter cooking him dinner if he needed her help or I see if he is single and had no girlfriend then it would be ok. I helped my ex significant other when he had heart surgery but at the time we were both single and had no one to help him but me.



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[quote=divine1966;4448014]
I agree, divine. She has a lot of audacity! And I wish she'd stop calling him every day. Tact, anyone?

I'm going to sound preachy, but this caregiving is NOT your job. You are not his wife. I mentioned earlier I did that for two years for a man who was in constant contact with his ex's. I thought, like you, I couldn't be the woman who abandoned a sick man. Now, years past this, I look back and shake my head at WHY I hung in there for so long, wasting my valuable time to a man who had no emotional integrity.

It actually sounds like you want this role of caregiver to a thankless partner. If that is the case, go for it.

[QUOTE=marigold115;4448256]
I am friendly with my ex husband and we did raise a daughter together but no way I'd call every day. I would call to check up if he got ill and express my concern and he would call me too but not regularly! One phone call is enough!

I think she calls because she doesn't know he is in a serious relationship. He probably doesn't tell people

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It's not that I want the role, seeker, it's that I told his family I would do it, and I feel like I'd have no emotional integrity if I backed out. I also don't want to add any more stress to his mental state, which needs to stay positive. I'm not trying to be a martyr, I just want to do what's right.

[quote=divine1966;4448299]divine, that's the galling part: She knows about me -- I met her in the hospital when she brought back his socks and underwear after laundering them! And she still calls and texts him. It's not that I think he'd ever go back to her -- she even has a serious boyfriend -- it's just that it seems so rude and disrespectful.

I honestly thought that i and my ex husband are sometimes too friendly ( other people commented at times) but this goes beyond that. I am not washing my ex husbands underwear especially if he is not single.

Where does he see this relationship going? Does he have plans for the future?

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He acts like this is a permanent relationship. He talks of us in the future and says he doesn't want to be with anyone else. I really can't figure him out.

I understand you very well, Marigold. I am glad you by time will get out

Thank you, tears!

Hi everyone--I just wanted to give a quick update on my situation.

Last week, I dropped by his house unannounced...I was suspicious...I found him having dinner on his deck with a woman. I hung around (yes, felt a little stalkerish) and eventually saw him passionately kiss her goodnight.

When I confronted him, first he pretended not to know what I was talking about and denied having anyone at his house. Then he claimed it was not a passionate kiss and it meant nothing. (I know what I saw, and it WAS a passionate kiss, with--I came to find out--a woman he used to live with.) Then he asked if I was going to make a big deal of it and he called me a big baby. Oh yes he did.

He went on to get mad at me for dropping by his house unannounced and for spying on him. Isn't that a narcissistic trait--to place blame on anyone but themselves?

I told him I would take the high road and he could email his family (and bcc me) and tell them he was breaking up with me. If he didn't, I would email them and tell them exactly why I was no longer going to be his caretaker. I didn't hear anything from him for the rest of that night, the entire next day, and into the following day. I assumed he wasn't going to write to his family, so I did, briefly--very briefly--telling them why I would no longer be a part of his recovery.
I received lovely messages from his two daughters. They totally understood and were supportive of me. One of the daughters actually told me she'd found out about his texting other women and had a conversation about it with him, telling him he shouldn't be doing that when he was dating me.

I didn't hear from the rest of his family, but I copied him on the email, and he blasted me, saying, "I was planning on taking the high road but you instead chose to play in the trenches."

And: "This communique to my family, is exactly what I DIDNT need right now....thanks for your purported care and concern. Truly, I never expected you to stoop to this level, but I misjudged I guess."

I am hurting, but I know I did the right thing. I SO appreciate your all's comments and support. You helped me tremendously!

Blaming the fault on you is a narcissistic trait, yes. He does sound narcissistic. There are many ways he is showing he only care about himself and has no empathy. Narcissists defend, lie and deny what they are doing even when evidence is right in their faces.

I am sorry you had to go through this.

Oh that is terrible. what a jerk!!! I know it's easy for me to say you're better off and all that, but I know you must really be feeling used by this man hmph not a man...a rat...anyway, I hope you feel better soon. Personally, I'd find a way to let the new "lady" in on his deceptive act!!!

I really hope you are done with him. You truly owe nothing to him...or his family, in the way of explanation. As I said before..I've been there, done that, and you are not his wife. Don't be hurt, be glad you are rid of this user!

While I'm glad you found out the truth about him, I have to wonder why you felt the need to inform his family of the break up.


The relationship was between the two of you after all, not the two of you and everyone else related to him...


I'm sure they would've put 2 & 2 together after realizing you're no longer playing nurse maid...


Idk, to me it just seems either rather immature or just plain spiteful, but idk you, so I'm probably wrong. Just sharing how your email may have been perceived by its recipients.