[OtioseM3]

Ive had it with all the fake friends and the long wait for a girlfriend/female friend. Thought I finally made real friends for this first time in a decade or so. I know they see me as a lame type of person the type that you dont want to be around with in public. They dont seem to understand. Everyone in the group has a girlfriend thats not the reason why I am searching for one, I been longing for a relationship way before I met these guys. When they talk about girls they dont seem to bring me in or when I try to join they seem to ignore me. It brings flashbacks of my high school days where my so called friends had me drive them to a party and when I stayed a bit they tried to ignore me and they had told me to go home and again there were three female and us three guys that went there together which two was dating my friends and why they didnt introduce me to that third chick.. or her showing no interest... is unknown.

Whys it so hard? One reason I already know is that In not good at communicating, english, anxious, plus Im dumber than just about everyone I know. Am I too ugly? Girls must see me as a creep as well. They have no ideal how big my heart is. Just when I thought things were getting better. All the caring, the giving, support I did for people I have helped changed lives, all for nothing yet I get **** and treated like ****. When it comes to girls.. I hate having to not know what to say or how to say it, hate freezing, mumbling, hate being boring, dont know what is even normal, im always anxious. How do I even know if they like me? I hate holding it in all the time. yeah if anyone around my area that understands hit me up otherwise

Possible trigger:

I see one way out and thats suicide.

[tearsinabottle]

Otiose, please dont think of that way out. I survived it and I am so thankful I survived, if I died I would not know what the day tomorrow would bring.

I many times thought there wont get getter, but suddenly one day something good happened.

Maybe your friends are a bit like some of my friends. I dont have a man or children, but most of my friends have a man and children. And sometimes when they have talked about common stuff I cant seem to be part of, they have sort of ignored the fact I am there and what could I say when not having a man and children myself.

Still its good to have friends that would join you in and listen.

Are they trying to be tough in the crowd? Its not your fault they are like they are, usually its something in them that makes them be like that, maybe insecurity or not knowing what to say or come across if they dont know how to respond or what to say.

But I totally understand you and your feelings, its not a nice feeling.

I do hope you can get to them somehow, if they are good friends they will understand you and listen. I know its hard to give input. I have the same problem when I am with a friend who has another friend in same room, seems like they have more in common.

I wish things will be good for you.

[CosmicRose]

You know, I've realized something in my short 22 years. Whenever someone treats you bad or ignores you or doesn't make you feel like you're part of the group, that means THEY are feeling unsure of themselves. Because anyone who is feeling truly good about themselves, would go out of their way to make YOU comfortable. So if all your so called friends aren't being kind to you, I think that speaks more about them than you. You sound like a fine person. You sound intelligent. You sound nice. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Its hard to find a good group of friends, I haven't yet. But I have faith that I'll meet better people in the future. Usually you'll run into a good person here and there but it takes time, that's why its not necessarily a good idea to just get a bunch of friends for the sake of having lots of friends. Like dating, you should pick your friends wisely. I have faith that you will find people who truly appreciate you. Until then, make sure you appreciate yourself.

[Imokay2]

Suicide is pretty final you know...imagine an afterlife where if you commit suicide you are turned into a barren tree that can talk, and all the other trees around you can talk, its a forest of suicide victims - in a dry and barren landscape, and all of you spend eternity talking to each other about how miserable and worthless your human life was because of whatever made you feel like life wasn't worth living anymore.
Imagine how you'd feel after a year of standing there listening to this.
Now imagine how - if you spent a year of this life trying your hardest your damndest to change whats is making you miserable now...what if you found out that in one year with just a little effort every day you could totally change the way you see yourself, what lies you believe about yourself. And really, what if in the end of that year everything made sense and your life completely changed.
I'm in the process of that one year right now...and it isn't easy at all, but the process of doing something about it is changing me.
I would very seriously recommend that you start a journey of your own to fix yourself, but, don't do it alone, get help.
Start by knowing what exactly it is that you want to change, the way you look? The fact you are single...do not, whatever you do, try to change your singleness the way you feel now...do the work and try again when you get to where YOU KNOW what you are doing and why.