There's a reason that I prefer smaller groups of people or one on one…then I don't get left out an ignored. I just don't understand why a group of people knowing that I'm there choose to talk about (and only talk about) something they have in common that I don't relate to. Or how if there's an odd number of people, the other people in the group will pair off and I'm left to sit there and I guess listen to see if I can insert myself into the conversation or something. And if I can't insert myself into the conversation, I guess I just sit there. I just don't understand why this always happens? I guess I should only be around one person at a time so they can't completely ignore me.

[s4ndm4n2006]

completely understand this. I think for me at least it has to do with how I interact in groups. I do not interject myself easily into group conversation and like you, I end up waiting for others to talk about things that I too am interested in, and many times that never happens. I'm sorry I know it's hard. I wish I had a solution other than being in groups where their highest interests are ones I can relate to.

I typically shy away from groups of people IRL because of this.

I'm sorry this isn't advice but I understand completely and empathize.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

completely understand this. I think for me at least it has to do with how I interact in groups. I do not interject myself easily into group conversation and like you, I end up waiting for others to talk about things that I too am interested in, and many times that never happens. I'm sorry I know it's hard. I wish I had a solution other than being in groups where their highest interests are ones I can relate to.

I typically shy away from groups of people IRL because of this.

I'm sorry this isn't advice but I understand completely and empathize.

The thing is…I really should relate to people more than I do. I mean, I'm a musician and I spend a lot of time around other musicians…shouldn't I have enough in common? I guess not…I never worked on a cruise ship and that's a popular topic. I'm usually around musicians that specialize in jazz and so know everything there is to know and that's a genre I'm trying to branch into (so I don't know that much yet). I sort of feel like maybe I'm not a "real" musician since I don't seem to relate at all to most of them which makes my life difficult considering you usually only get gigs through your friends/acquaintances so if I don't belong anywhere, I might have to change careers.

What really annoys me is that often when these things happen, my boyfriend is also there. He is aware I have issues socializing and has expressed desire to make sure I don't feel left out. And yet, I seem to have an easier time not being ignored by other people if he's not there. I'm not sure how to mention this without upsetting him…at least the part about me feeling left out last night when everyone (all guys) in the group we were out with last night paired off with each other and I was left out. I have a feeling that I'm just considered just a significant other and not as my own unique person, if that makes sense.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

The thing is…I really should relate to people more than I do. I mean, I'm a musician and I spend a lot of time around other musicians…shouldn't I have enough in common? I guess not…I never worked on a cruise ship and that's a popular topic. I'm usually around musicians that specialize in jazz and so know everything there is to know and that's a genre I'm trying to branch into (so I don't know that much yet). I sort of feel like maybe I'm not a "real" musician since I don't seem to relate at all to most of them which makes my life difficult considering you usually only get gigs through your friends/acquaintances so if I don't belong anywhere, I might have to change careers.

What really annoys me is that often when these things happen, my boyfriend is also there. He is aware I have issues socializing and has expressed desire to make sure I don't feel left out. And yet, I seem to have an easier time not being ignored by other people if he's not there. I'm not sure how to mention this without upsetting him…at least the part about me feeling left out last night when everyone (all guys) in the group we were out with last night paired off with each other and I was left out. I have a feeling that I'm just considered just a significant other and not as my own unique person, if that makes sense.

I understand and I do feel it has to do with your hesitance to interject or start a conversation. I don't think they'd have a hard time relating to your subject matter if it was music related, but that you never are able to start those subjects. it's hard, I know. I think you would fit in fine but you're in limbo because of your silence.

I am not giving this advice as if I am an expert at all but just happen to think what may be the issue, from experience. I've found in those rare occasions where I'm able to start a subject that people do engage me and are interested but lack of doing so, I end up in the background and being an introvert it's usually where I'm most comfortable so I let it go unless something I have to say is really pressing.

I don't have advice as to how to go about it but I think you gotta grab the bull by the horns and put yourself out there! I know I need to. maybe leave this thread and invite any introverts that have overcome this to share how they have done this or find a sort of "mentor" related to this issue?

If you want to be successful in any endeavor find one that has done so and study them, get to know them if that's possible and find out how they did it, I think this principle applies to things related to even life's tough challenges like this one

[shortandcute]

That happens to me when I go out with my three older sisters. Well, not exactly in the same way, but I do get overlooked. When we get together, the three of them kind of have their own conversation and completely leave me out of it. When I try to interject something, one of them always interrupts and starts talking over me. But they don't do that to each other, only to me. That's why I hate going anywhere with them.

How are the people who don't include you in conversations? Are they still polite, or are they flat-out jerks? If jerks, there's something to keep in mind: jerks can stand out in our minds much more strongly than those who are polite. I was working with a couple of rude people once, and they completely ignored everything I said with a smile on their faces. They were enjoying excluding me, even though I continued to be polite and attempted to be helpful. They were also shallow and vain... I also had to deal with a large group of people who, unluckily for me, were also very shallow, vain, and competitive people. There was one girl in the group who seemed oblivious to this and was still very polite and responsive to me, and I regret avoiding her like the rest. I guess I didn't want to make her look "bad" in front of the vain group of people, so maybe what I did was the right thing. Just one person being kind to me, though, in that situation, made all the difference. Rude people can make normal, unimportant things like conversation so dramatic.

If they're polite, then I'd definitely go with what s4ndm4n2006 is saying. Maybe try interjecting once and a while with something they relate to? Or simply asking about what they're talking about, even if you don't know the subject.

I also avoid large groups of people. I'm also usually ignored... I think it may be because the average person in a large group subconsciously chooses a "leader" or "leaders" of the group, and follow their "direction" when speaking and listening. I think if you're ignored by the leader, seem timid, or just someone the majority of people don't know or care for, then you more often than not get ignored. I consider it a herd mentality. I'd only enjoy being in a large group of people I respect.

[winter4me]

Got some female musicians to hang with? What venues do you work in? Instrument? Genres? Are you working professionally as a musician?
One place to meet and hang with other musicians is Open Mic nights---anyone welcome, variety of skill and each successful one takes on a kind of personality...also, they tend to want to encourage others, be encouraged, and just talk music.

[Gwen314]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

There's a reason that I prefer smaller groups of people or one on one…then I don't get left out an ignored. I just don't understand why a group of people knowing that I'm there choose to talk about (and only talk about) something they have in common that I don't relate to. Or how if there's an odd number of people, the other people in the group will pair off and I'm left to sit there and I guess listen to see if I can insert myself into the conversation or something. And if I can't insert myself into the conversation, I guess I just sit there. I just don't understand why this always happens? I guess I should only be around one person at a time so they can't completely ignore me.

This happens to me every time I am in a group. My friends will talk about video games, films, or books I've never heard of; play board or card games I am uncomfortable with or uninterested in; and reminisce about experiences I was never a part of. Meanwhile, I sit quietly and observe their conversations with patience, offering an occasional word if the moment permits.

After several hours of this dynamic, I often wonder why I hung out in the first place.

I don't believe the people we spend time with do this purposefully or with cruel intent. They simply get caught up in their conversations. In my experience, I am the one who chooses to be quiet in these situations, for I am inherently timid and feel I have little to offer in regard to their conversation. My friends are very interested in video games and board games, while I am not. This makes it hard for them to connect with me, but it doesn't mean they don't like me.

I've learnt over the last four or five years that I enjoy (and do better in) one-on-one conversations, and I schedule time with my friends accordingly. This way, I can avoid the discomfort that group conversations bring.

If I do decide to hang out with a group of friends, I usually spend a majority of the time beside someone I am especially close with, so that I am not left out.

[SeekingPerspective]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

The thing is…I really should relate to people more than I do. I mean, I'm a musician and I spend a lot of time around other musicians…shouldn't I have enough in common? I guess not…I never worked on a cruise ship and that's a popular topic. I'm usually around musicians that specialize in jazz and so know everything there is to know and that's a genre I'm trying to branch into (so I don't know that much yet). I sort of feel like maybe I'm not a "real" musician since I don't seem to relate at all to most of them which makes my life difficult considering you usually only get gigs through your friends/acquaintances so if I don't belong anywhere, I might have to change careers.

What really annoys me is that often when these things happen, my boyfriend is also there. He is aware I have issues socializing and has expressed desire to make sure I don't feel left out. And yet, I seem to have an easier time not being ignored by other people if he's not there. I'm not sure how to mention this without upsetting him…at least the part about me feeling left out last night when everyone (all guys) in the group we were out with last night paired off with each other and I was left out. I have a feeling that I'm just considered just a significant other and not as my own unique person, if that makes sense.

Hello!
What if you drove yourself? I would suggest, giving yourself a time limit. Make an appearance, ask a question, laugh...see ya later Guys (comment) and go home.
My husband is really well known and when we go out for group activities, he tends to steel the show and I get over-looked. I've changed this dynamic, over the years, by following conversations and then asking a question. People LOVE to chat about themselves or a topic they enjoy. By asking a question, it makes you apart of the group and forces the others to acknowledge your presence. Whether they do this purposefully or not, you will appear more extrovert and feel more in-control. When you feel you've had success...makes your excuses and go home. This will appear that you have other engagements and are more social.
This is just my advice. No one likes feeling ignored and undervalued and I can sympathize with your predicament.

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

There's a reason that I prefer smaller groups of people or one on one…then I don't get left out an ignored. I just don't understand why a group of people knowing that I'm there choose to talk about (and only talk about) something they have in common that I don't relate to. Or how if there's an odd number of people, the other people in the group will pair off and I'm left to sit there and I guess listen to see if I can insert myself into the conversation or something. And if I can't insert myself into the conversation, I guess I just sit there. I just don't understand why this always happens? I guess I should only be around one person at a time so they can't completely ignore me.

Sounds like--------------either, you could learn about/participate in/express a desire to learn about what fascinates them; or, find a group interested in the things You are interested in------------I think it is normal for group conversation to gravitate toward commonalities-----------I know that I have been in such groups... (& lately, as a much older co-worker, I listen to talk about all kinds of thins I am not knowledgeable about---I begin to learn things if I listen...and that is not so bad....I do like to have a piece of knitting in my hands, or something...(even a drink) during these times...works ok