[Hopefull]

I have a friend who is probably dependent on alcohol. I did a pretend biopsychosocial assesment interview on his future wife and she mentioned that he probably had borderline personality disorder (Doctor's opinion). She might have schizoaffective disorder (being required by law to take anti-psychotic medication). She claims that she doesn't need the medication which bothers me because I think she probably does. I have not ever argued with her claim because I just don't know if she'd listen to me or distrust me like she does her doctor. She complains that the medication makes her hand shake and I suggested that she talk to her doctor about it. She said that her doctor would just up her dosage if she complained. I think I would have trouble trusting a doctor if he/she was to over rule my right to say no to medication however she has been in hospital repeteadly. She says that they shouldn't have put her in the hospital. I have a hard time believing her on that when she has descriped to me some symptoms of depression (I have a tendency to get depressed and she has experienced similar problems). He got mad at her and threw a chair at her. She is pressing charges yet they still live together. How is that possible? They are not making him take breathalizer tests on a regular basis. He tells me that he has reduced his alcohol use but he still drinks. She makes sure to keep him from drinking for about a day before the breathalizer test. I pointed out that reducing his drinking is better than no change at all. He also told me that drinking helps him with his anxiety about the upcoming appointments and his fear that his future wife will leave him. I told him that she has stuck by you for the most part and that she probably won't leave you now. I ofcourse said that I can't know for sure.
I worry about them. I have tried to pray for them some. They just have so many problems right now. I hope they help him to quit drinking rather than just treat it like a probation officer might. His court date is in June.I think they told my pastor all of this too. I know that she is a good listener and might be better able to confront him when it is neccessary unlike me. I tend to feel like I need them as friends because I have few friends.

[Direction]

This will be a rocky marriage if they don't get their own issues in check. I was married while the issues were in check and when stress of married life happens - we tend to go to what is comfortable - for him that would be alcohol and for her that would be not taking medication that it appears she needs.

Be honest with them regarding how you feel - marriage is hard is probably the most understated statement I have ever heard. Marriage will take everything you got and more with heavy reliance on God.

The whole domestic violence issue will probably esculate as stress levels esculate - I would not think it would be safe for her.

[Perna]

I think if you can't believe her on a lot of what she says or it doesn't make sense, I wouldn't believe her 100% on what she says about him or their relationship either?

I don't see how you can help them if they're not trying or ready to get the help they need. I would just wait and see what the judge says in June, by then things might have changed even more/again. Unfortunately, if he's not caught driving drunk, I don't think anyone is going to have him take breathilyzer tests or anything; what people do in their own time/place isn't their concern. With them still living together and her pressing charges, that might get less done too as the judge will probably wonder, like you have, why she is still living with him if he's throwing chairs at her or whatever.

It does sound like they've got a lot of problems that you can't help with. I would see if you can find other friends at church? It is probably not helping you to be messed up in their drama without having other friends/interests to even things out for you and make you feel good.

[Raynaadi]

Being a recovering alcoholic myself, I can tell you that she's in for a ride....I lost a relationship due to my drinking. The guy just plain got fed up with me. We alcoholics are hard people to live with when drinking....I feel for her. If she wants to stick by him, maybe Alanon would help? Its a program for loved ones of alcoholics. It might help her set some boundaries so she can have a successful marriage with him. Sounds like she's ready to put up with a lot, based on what she already puts up with....yikes!