Single Parent Dating... Little bit of a rant

Single parent dating is like trying to buy a car and being told "You can't get a Corvette! You're a single mom. It doesn't matter how good of a driver you are, or how good you would look in the Corvette, or how much fun you would have with it. You should just settle and take what you can get. You can drive the minivan"....

I get it! My schedule's busier than most, you have to share my attention with my kids, we can't just up and leave to go on a vacation, I don't get a lot of sleep, I'm busy with kid's activities and making lunches and getting to school and daycare and work on time, I get that you don't want to raise another man's children. I also get that sometimes it's not about the kids as much as it is about the ex... But why does that make me less worthy of love than any other woman?! I just want what every woman wants. A man who will love her for who she is, unconditionally. Who will treat her like a princess, comfort her when she's upset, help with the chores and fix things. I just want someone to see me for ME, not just judge me because I have kids and pass me up without consideration. No relationship is perfect. Everyone has baggage! Mine just weighs 35lbs and 50lbs. But they are also the most amazing little people you will ever meet! They are loving and caring, have great senses of humour, and fun. What someone sees as burden, I see as an anchor. They have enriched my life more than some people will ever know. So instead of judging a single mom as being slutty and made bad choices and got knocked up, or is desperate, or whatever else it is that scares guys so darn much maybe you should see her for the strong, beautiful, independent, hardworking WOMAN she is. Why do my kids have to define me? Why don't I deserve what every other woman does just because my marriage didn't work out? Was I supposed to stay with an emotionally abusive man just because it was either that or be alone for the rest of my life?! Be thankful I'm the confident, determined, persistent person I am... But you wouldn't know that because you're too busy labelling.

I know there will be conflicting viewpoints about this. This is just my opinion and I just needed to vent. It's hard enough being a single mom without being told that you don't deserve better, that you should settle and take what you can get. Every person deserves to be happy and loved, regardless of status, race, religion, marital status, occupation and parenting situation. Thanks

I'm sorry to hear that there is so much stigma on the dating front with regards to single parenting I would have really hoped being this day and age, with people being so dynamic and relationships being so diverse that this would not be the case, but unfortunately it is something that you have encountered.

I, for one, am actually in awe of your schedule. Your devotion to your kids and putting your kids needs first before your own does speak volumes to me on what a compassionate person you are. Lack of sleep - well yes for me that's a mood killer, personally.

You really don't ask for much. Wanting a man who will love you for who you are - you deserve happiness and you deserve a sense of inner peace. You don't deserve some kind of stereotyping because honestly the only type of "stereotype" I've had, as a few good friends of mine are single mums, is the sheer determination and amount of love and self sacrifice you have for your kids. It's a hard labour of love.

You were absolutely not meant to stay with the emotionally abusive man and I applaud you for taking the step to leave.

Yes, I can agree with you through the way you post - you seem confident and determined.

I whole heartedly agree with your point of view.

I just wanted you to know this.

And it's a real shame that those who have met you haven't taken the time to look past the fact that you're a single parent - because they are the ones who are missing out on the opportunity to get to know you.

one thing i want to let you know is that you must be very brave in order to get out of an abusive relationship. i had to do it myself, i have one son 24 years old now. i never would have gotten away if it wasn't for my drive to get out to raise this child in a better place.so what? just because you have kids shouldn't make a difference if you are going to have a normal and loving relationship, i'm sorry you've come across so many jerks. good luck and lots of love your way!!!

For what it's worth, Amanda, six years ago I married a woman with 2 children and an ex still in the picture to this day.

It's the best thing I ever did

As a stepfather myself I can say that it isn't about you or the kids (or at least for the guys I know). It's the rest of the extended family and real father. How often did I get to hear that I wasn't my daughter's father? Thousands of times. Heck, I couldn't even be anything but an emergency contact for my daughter. Who was there for the soccer practices, the dance practices, the sex talks, the boyfriend advice ..? It sure as heck wasn't her real dad and that's what's wrong. Because I was the real dad. But I had to fight the legend of the deadbeat loser, I had to fight the schools, I had to fight the government and I had to fight my in-laws.

So to be honest, it takes a special kind of guy to date and marry a woman who already has kids. And I would warn them all to be very sure of what you're getting into because you aren't just dating the mother and kids, you're gonna be in for a war with the world and you better be ready for it.

I think you should take another gander at where you're trying to find your dates. I think it's the minority of men who won't date a single mother.

To all honesty I only met few men who didn't want to date/ marry women with children (that's their right). But Most men are perfectly fine with that. Good luck. You will find one! You sound like a sweet person

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Thanks everyone! All very helpful! I think part of the problem with dating nowadays is that with online dating it can be so superficial and people have hundreds literally at their fingertips so it allows them to be a bit more choosy. I just don't appreciate being called shallow and told to settle. I know it's like trying to find the needle in the haystack and it'll happen when it happens. And I just need to live my life for me. To want someone but not need someone. To be grateful for what I have because I am incredibly blessed and a that other sage advice. With these two cuties, how could I not be?! Thanks for letting me vent

Thanks. I've been trying online dating, meetup groups, single dad's, friends of friends, guys I've met through work.

Go out and do what interests you, and you'll meet people who you can connect with. If the number one thing on your list is "single" then you're not being choosy enough.

I've been doing that. Unfortunately, I don't have much time to get out. And the things I enjoy doing are things like a dance or fitness class... Full of females! Hehe

Thanks for sharing the photo. All three of you look awesome!

You are adorable. So are your kids. Give it time. You'll meet the right person when time is right

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The sad reality is that there is no guarantee that we will get what we want because we deserve it. Sometimes it is prudent to chose from what is available. Maybe you've turned down men who felt they deserved you.

If you're happy with how your kids are turning out, that's getting a lot. It can be lonely though.