[moclartnechcysp]

I'll try not to bore anyone. But I can't find any help anywhere with my situation!

I met my ex 9 years ago. Before her and I got together (I'm a male) she was with a girl for about 2 years. She was 13 at the time. At this time, she was going through a lot, her parents were getting divorced and she was having terrible fights with her dad. This girl she was with, played a small part of the divorce as well.

I met her when she was 15, we talked as friends for about 2 months then met for the first time and we were both madly in love, fireworks were going off on both sides with a garden of butterflies.

She also took my virginity away.

So after we met, she pretty much ended things as a relationship with that girl but remained somewhat as friends, then eventually lost contact.

Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago, they got in contact. I noticed she was becoming distant, and I asked what was wrong but it seemed like she was afraid to talk.

She ended up going to a concert with this girl and a few other girlfriends ( I didn't know she was going with her ex) and I texted her that day and said

Me: Hows the concert?
Her: Good
Me: (Joking around) Whos the hot date?
Her: She said the ex girls name
Me: ...Really
Her: lol

That was it

Pretty much the next day, she told me

I need space
I need to figure my self out
I need a break
I don't know what I'm doing with my life
I'm afraid will get divorced, if we ever marry.
I have unfinished business from my past

Now to me, this is just all BS just to break up with me more easily.

That day, I went NC. 2 days later, she texted to meet and talk and to give me my stuff. We talked about how I'll give her the space and what not, and at the end, we hugged and cried for a minute.

About 4 days later (after a few drinks) she texted me saying

I need you
I miss you
I don't know what I am doing

I met up with her and she hugged, kissed, and made out with me.

She explained how they went on a few dates, and on every date they verbally fought, and at one point almost got into a physical fight!

Anyway, I knew this was a bad idea, cause she was drinking..

I told her to go sleep it off and call me tomorrow.

She did, we made plans to go out to eat and then to a movie- Great!

everything went well, we held hands and kissed a few times.

She then asked me if I wanted to go to the beach the following day, I said sure! so we did and had a great time as well. Later that evening we went to see a band with all of our friends.. on the way their on the train I knew their was something wrong, she looked so lost and confused.

We get to the venue and we start drinking, she still is very off. After a few drinks, she asked

is that a boy or a girl (it was a gay girl)

She then said "I think I'm attracted to girls, and not men.. men scare me and creep me out and I just don't want to be touched"

This same day, a bit earlier she told me that the girl called and they talked, and my ex asked her

Do you want this to happen or not. The girl said Not..

After the show, we all went home, I slept at her house in a different room, because I was too drunk to drive home.

That morning, she woke up and just sat on her phone.. I got up and asked her lets talk.

We talked.. not about much. She told me she doesn't feel it anymore and theirs no spark

I told her we can bring that spark back, but you have to stop letting your emotions get the best of you. She said how? I simply just said we have to slow things down and communicate a bit more.

I did ask her, is their another guy and she said absolutely not, trust me if I'm going to be with any guy it would be you, we have a lot together.

I left it at that

I kissed her forehead and said will be back together one day and she said I know

As I was leaving, I told her you really have to get a control of her emotions and stop thinking so negative such as getting a divorce.

(I didn't tell her this) but it seems like when the girl and her started talking, that's when the whole divorce thing came upon. Maybe bringing back those bad emotions when she was younger.

As I entered into my car, she said if you ever need to talk or text me, you know you can.

Since then, it's day 5 NC

I have been reading non-stop but can't quite find an answer as the scenario I am in seems to be a one and only.

I plan on maybe sending her a letter in about a month or maybe a text. She has always loved when I wrote letters to her when we were younger, maybe this will bring some emotions back.

I'm sorry if this is a bit everywhere, but I can barley focus and just need help.

[divine1966]

Sorry. If she broke up with you there is nothing you can do.

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[iwonderaboutstuff]

I agree with you, the girl coming back into her life is connected with her talk of divorce. Also with her questioning her sexuality. It sounds like she is being open with you about her feelings and trusts you. I know it's hard, and you're doing the right thing holding off on contacting her. If you haven't heard from her in a month, reaching out with a simple thinking of you card will prompt a response, one that'll likely clue you in to where her head is at.

9 years with someone is a long time. I'd have trouble focusing too because I'd have so many different thoughts and emotions going on.

[mazing]

I'm sorry to hear this Relationship challenges and break-ups are never easy.

I agree with iwonderaboutstuff. It sounds like she still has a lot of confusion about her identity and her own feelings around attraction and relationships. Unfortunately that is also something that she needs to work out before she could commit to a relationship fully. You are right that having contact with her ex- may have triggered her thoughts but it is also obviously something that she still needs to work through. While I can't imagine how hard it must be, her having these conversations with you also shows how much she must trust and respect you .

It sounds from your post that you have been incredibly supportive and done everything that you can do to support her through this. I think your idea of giving her some space and reaching out later is a good idea. It gives some time for both of you to really evaluate what you are wanting and then look at how to move forward from here.

[Rose76]

This girl sounds quite emotionally troubled to me. I don't think it's all due to ambivalence about her sexual orientation. She is coming from a non-stable home situation where I don't think she got what she needed ftom her parents. She may well spend the rest of her life failing to get over that.

Right now I think you'ld be wise to just let her go. Otherwise, this swinging back and forth between being with the gal pal and being with you is just going to keep on going, with more and more drama and her just getting more confused. Her drinking isn't helping the situation, and that's not going to stop anytime soon, either. She is needy at a level you can't fulfill. Like I said. This goes back to her relationship with her folks. I think she is looking for what was missing from her parents, and neither you, nor her female lover, are going to fulfill that. She seems to be embracing tragedy with both arms. Feeling tragic is the script she seems to have written for herself. Stay in her life, and she is just going to make you part of the tragedy.

At the very least, tell her it's best you two leave each other alone, while she's working out her issues. (TBH, I don' t think she is ever going to work them out, or, at least, not for years to come.) Then move on with your life, and don't put yourself on ice waiting for her.

You'll always have a soft spot for her, but I think she belongs to your past . . . not to your future.