So no dating for "socially awkward" guys?

Jul 12, 2015, 01:04 PM

What's the deal with "alpha" and "omega" and "whoknowswhat" "males." I don't think we're cave men anymore. Any person defining themselves by their perceived "influence" on people is a no-go in my book. If I hear someone call themselves an "alpha" male or whatever-named male in front of me, I'd feel half-inclined to put a pack animal harness on them. It's like, seriously, we're supposed to all be intelligent humans, lol.

Also, how come "attractive" women are considered to be automatically only into guys with a lot of social influence? Like, because they're attractive, that makes them "awesome," and must go with society's perceived "awesome" version of a guy, which is this really confident man for some reason. Some girls do go after what their instincts tell them to, but it certainly doesn't become any lasting relationship.

I personally don't trust men with too much confidence, although there's not necessarily anything wrong with them. People have called me attractive, but I'm not attracted at all to men who are simply handsome or who I can't connect with. I guess, though, if a woman's just looking for something like a one-night stand, she might be attracted to someone who's most physically attractive and has a somewhat decent personality, since she doesn't plant to stay long with them.

Hope this helps.

Shadix · Jul 12, 2015, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Your therapist can explore the whys and wherefores of your obsession with youth (I'd start with the sex aspect and the power aspect)

Can you elaborate on this? It sounds like you are trying to suggest it is something malicious and dangerous.

But no, I am pretty sure it is not about sex or power. What I think it is is that youth is the time when you are considered the most desirable and have the most fun. I don't want it to be over yet because then that would mean I missed out. I need another few years being considered young at least, then maybe I will be ready to be "not young anymore" or whatever.

As far as attraction to younger women, I am not only attracted to younger women, but often times yes the ones I am into are 19-22 year olds. When I am attracted to a girl it is a pretty stong feeling I have, and I hate having to feel like these are going to resent me for liking them.

Shadix · Jul 12, 2015, 03:00 PM

Also I just don't identify as an "older person". I value the types of things that young people value, like having fun new experiences and defining my identity, I am not family or career focused.

Trippin2.0 · Jul 12, 2015, 05:24 PM

Question, why do you even post about this dating stuff?

Is it to vent, or to see how many excuses you can come up with to avoid women?

Because one thing's for sure, its definitely not for constructive input and advice.

Honest question, because I don't understand the motivation behind posting in circles.

divine1966 · Jul 12, 2015, 05:46 PM

I suggested co Ed meetup groups. You never followed

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l00king4answers79 · Jul 12, 2015, 05:51 PM

Yeah man, I agree with what everyone here is saying. You can generalize women and put the blame on them.

My boyfriend is socially awkward, he's got social anxiety and agoraphobia so it's extremely hard for him to be out and around people but he's an amazing guy.

So there 100% is dating for socially awkward guys. Even in a casual relationship there needs to be shared interests or hobbies.

Just chill out, try online dating, you'll find someone. Just stop blaming women for all your dating problems.

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Shadix · Jul 12, 2015, 06:09 PM

I am not putting the blame on women or anything, I was really just asking about why some people can justify saying that socially awkward guys shouldn't date before they "work on their issues". It just doesn't make sense since usually socially awkward guys will not just magically stop being socially awkward with therapy.

Jul 12, 2015, 09:55 PM

Who cares what "some people" think? They're not all people. If some people thought the world was flat would you suddenly doubt the Earth's roundness?

And you're right, therapy alone isn't going to work. You have to apply it to your life. You can theorize about the rules of the game of life all you want, but you'll never fully understand them until you play the game. So go ask a girl to get a coffee or something. If she's not interested, ask another one.

Look, I'm shy, awkward, socially anxious, and apparently not "conventionally attractive" (since I never got asked out) and yet, I still asked out/hit on guys. If I can do it, then anyone can do it. Or if nothing else, join a social group/club/whatever and hang out with girls as a friend. If there's chemistry, there's a good chance it'll organically develop.

divine1966 · Jul 12, 2015, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

I am not putting the blame on women or anything, I was really just asking about why some people can justify saying that socially awkward guys shouldn't date before they "work on their issues". It just doesn't make sense since usually socially awkward guys will not just magically stop being socially awkward with therapy.

Who are these "some people"? No one ever said awkward people shouldn't be dating at all! In fact several of us shared that we are involved with awkward people!

Are you even reading what people post?

You don't need to stop being awkward but therapy might help you to stop blaming others and learn how to cope so your life is happier

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IceCreamKid · Jul 13, 2015, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

Can you elaborate on this? It sounds like you are trying to suggest it is something malicious and dangerous.

But no, I am pretty sure it is not about sex or power. What I think it is is that youth is the time when you are considered the most desirable and have the most fun. I don't want it to be over yet because then that would mean I missed out. I need another few years being considered young at least, then maybe I will be ready to be "not young anymore" or whatever.

As far as attraction to younger women, I am not only attracted to younger women, but often times yes the ones I am into are 19-22 year olds. When I am attracted to a girl it is a pretty stong feeling I have, and I hate having to feel like these are going to resent me for liking them.

Ok, I'll elaborate. This is my take on it. Other people might have other opinions.

It's normal and healthy to have the 'urge to merge.' If you are 27 (I think I read that somewhere) then I think 19 year olds are too young for you. Beautiful women are just as beautiful at 27 as at 19. If all the stuff you have written is true and your posts are not an elaborate hoax, then you should be able to lay out what you have said here for a good therapist and he or she can help you work through it. Since you have been posting the same thing over and over here, and yet you say you have been seeing the same therapist for quite awhile, I am suggesting that you consider that a new therapist--preferably a heterosexual male therapist--would be more helpful to you.

Shadix · Jul 13, 2015, 08:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Ok, I'll elaborate. This is my take on it. Other people might have other opinions.

It's normal and healthy to have the 'urge to merge.' If you are 27 (I think I read that somewhere) then I think 19 year olds are too young for you. Beautiful women are just as beautiful at 27 as at 19. If all the stuff you have written is true and your posts are not an elaborate hoax, then you should be able to lay out what you have said here for a good therapist and he or she can help you work through it. Since you have been posting the same thing over and over here, and yet you say you have been seeing the same therapist for quite awhile, I am suggesting that you consider that a new therapist--preferably a heterosexual male therapist--would be more helpful to you.

I have laid this out for my therapist and she seems to be a good therapist, but she doesn't share your sentiments. She agrees that some people would judge me for dating someone younger, but she thinks I need to work on not caring so much what other people think. She never indicated there is anything pathological about my preferences.

Just fyi, I never said I preferred 19 year old girls. Ideally I'd prefer a girl 21 or older. And I wouldn't really prefer a 21 year old over a 27 year old, however I wouldn't prefer a 27 year old over a 21 year old either. I prefer whoever I happen to like, and the age is pretty irrelevant.

Trust me, most guys my age are attracted to 21 year old girls and girls even younger. The only differnce here is that being shamed for it has a profound effect on me because of my insecurity about aging. Basically I need it to be acceptable because if it's not that means I might not be young anymore.

Shadix · Jul 13, 2015, 09:06 AM

Also, you say 19 is too young, but too young for what? Maybe too young to be in a serious relationship with, but are they really to young to be attracted to, to flirt with and casually date? When we are talking about more superficial relationships, it is mainly about attraction, so I don't think compatibility is really an issue. For example I know some people who will not marry someone outside of their race/culture but they will casually date people of all races and cultures. I think it is often the same story with age.

Shadix · Jul 13, 2015, 09:19 AM

Also, I have only been seeing this therapist for about 3 months, with a one month break. I have seen other therapists before though. What makes you think a heterosexual male therapist would be more helpful?

Shadix · Jul 13, 2015, 09:56 AM

Ok I have to edit my statement about prefering girls 21+. Honestly I'm probably just saying that because of social pressure. But in reality I don't have enough experience with 19 year old girls to know that I wouldn't be interested in them. I know that about a year back when I was 26 I had this really cute and friendly waitress who mentioned she was 20, and I would definitely be interested in dating a girl like her.

All I know is that I am often physically attracted to girls that young, and I would have no moral objection to dating them.

divine1966 · Jul 13, 2015, 11:37 AM

Since you have never dated anyone what difference any of it even makes. You are talking so much about girls and being physically attracted yet nothing happens! Ask someone out already please.

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scorpiosis37 · Jul 13, 2015, 11:41 AM

You are ignoring what everyone is saying and hyper-focusing on the small age difference issue. No one here is really concerned with a 27 year old dating 19+ women. What everyone is actually telling you is that you need to go out-- meetup.com, singles groups, online dating, social clubs, etc-- and actually meet women! Go on dates! You sit at home, alone, on your computer, and moan about all of these make believe reasons why you don't date or why some made-up "society" is preventing you from dating. The only one preventing you from dating is yourself. Here, I am telling you, the next time you are attracted to a single, available woman, as long as she is over 18, ask her out! Is that enough permission for you?

A Red Panda · Jul 13, 2015, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

You are ignoring what everyone is saying and hyper-focusing on the small age difference issue. No one here is really concerned with a 27 year old dating 19+ women. What everyone is actually telling you is that you need to go out-- meetup.com, singles groups, online dating, social clubs, etc-- and actually meet women! Go on dates! You sit at home, alone, on your computer, and moan about all of these make believe reasons why you don't date or why some made-up "society" is preventing you from dating. The only one preventing you from dating is yourself. Here, I am telling you, the next time you are attracted to a single, available woman, as long as she is over 18, ask her out! Is that enough permission for you?

Ditto.

You ignore everything that we say. Everything. The only thing that is preventing you from dating anyone is yourself. You keep shoving women into one category that happens to not be compatible with yourself, and then complaining about it. No one else is putting women into one category - that's all you.

s4ndm4n2006 · Jul 13, 2015, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

I just saw a question on yahoo answers asking women if they would date a guy who is "nerdy and socially awkward." Here are two of the answers:

"'Nerdy and socially awkward'

That's not a beta male. A beta male is the average guy. A nerdy, socially awkward guy is at the bottom of the totem pole. He's not a beta, he's an omega.

No, I would probably not date an omega male. There's usually a reason why guys like that don't score with women. Many of them have emotional or mental issues."

"Nope.

Socially awkward people tend to have other personal and emotional issues that they need to deal with before they are ready to enter relationships and drag others into misery with them.

And I say this after having tried to help more than a few socially awkward people by trying to befriend them. It simply doesn't work. All it does is bring you closer to depression yourself by trying to deal with such people. They're called "socially awkward" for a reason, they are not capable of forming healthy relationships, even if they want to. They need professional help, not a friend or a girlfriend/boyfriend.

I'd totally date a nerd though."

Well I am socially awkward and have been in therapy for years now, and I am still socially awkward. Most likely I have sone issue like Aspergers or something like that. So then what about me? I don't deserve to have a girlfriend ever? If that's how it is then I wish I could stop EVERYBODY from dating so that I can make things fair and even. If I can't enjoy it then why should anybody else?

Two opinions and you takes it as the truth? no. Two shallow women that cannot see past a couple of traits and stereotype men that happen to be socially awkward. I have only one thing to say to you. There's two women that aren't worth your energy or worry to even try to have a date with. but... that being said, there are far more than two women or even 10 that would write off the socially awkward. I write off the arrogant and judgemental. Those that feel taht socially awkward is a no go for them, well they probably not women that I'd be happy with either so the feeling's mutual.

Move along, nothing to see here (@ the stupid troll women on forums) Ignore them..

IceCreamKid · Jul 13, 2015, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

Ok I have to edit my statement about prefering girls 21+. Honestly I'm probably just saying that because of social pressure. But in reality I don't have enough experience with 19 year old girls to know that I wouldn't be interested in them. I know that about a year back when I was 26 I had this really cute and friendly waitress who mentioned she was 20, and I would definitely be interested in dating a girl like her.

All I know is that I am often physically attracted to girls that young, and I would have no moral objection to dating them.

I'm out of this thread; this isn't wholesome or healthy. I believe you when you say you are attracted to young girls. I think adult men should leave young girls alone and let them grow up to be women.

Shadix · Jul 13, 2015, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I'm out of this thread; this isn't wholesome or healthy. I believe you when you say you are attracted to young girls. I think adult men should leave young girls alone and let them grow up to be women.

I am not attracted to girls under 18 if that is what you are suggesting.

However, are you saying a 21 year old us not an adult woman? Really? So then when does a girl become an adult woman exactly?

Shadix · Jul 13, 2015, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I'm out of this thread; this isn't wholesome or healthy. I believe you when you say you are attracted to young girls. I think adult men should leave young girls alone and let them grow up to be women.

You keep labeling me as an "adult man" who should leave those "young girls" alone and let them grow up. But you seem to either forget or ignore the fact that I have less dating experience than most of these girls. Does that not mean anything to you? Is the physical age the only thing that is meaningful?

Shadix · Jul 13, 2015, 11:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I'm out of this thread; this isn't wholesome or healthy. I believe you when you say you are attracted to young girls. I think adult men should leave young girls alone and let them grow up to be women.

You initially had a problem with the fact that I allegedly had a fixation on younger women, but then when I pointed out that I am not, and also like girls my age, that's still not good enough for you. Basically it sounds like you want me to ONLY be interested in girls my age and older and to see the younger ones (even the 21+ year olds) as off limits. I just fail to see the reasoning behind this.

Shadix · Jul 14, 2015, 01:16 AM

Since people are drawing their own interpretations of what I am saying, I feel like I should again elaborate on the desires I am expressing.

I am NOT exclusively attracted to girls younger than myself. That would make no sense, since it is pretty common for girls my age to look and act indistinguishable from younger girls. I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago, and there were was this really attractive girl there who looked like she was on her early 20s. I was insecure about being attracted to her because of this. Well, I later come across her on a friend's facebook, and it turns out she is 31!

Also, I do prefer girls in their 20s and would PROBABLY find most 18-19 year olds to be a bit immature. But to say that ALL of them are immature would be generalizing women. Wasn't someone saying how you shouldn't generalize women a few posts back? Is this an exception to that rule? Is it right to generalize women just in this case? The 20 year old waitress I was talking about, for example, looked and acted like she could have easily been 25. Why would I not be attracted to her?

But I should also point out that in the end, I will choose who I date based on attraction, not age.

Shadix · Jul 14, 2015, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Ditto.

You ignore everything that we say. Everything. The only thing that is preventing you from dating anyone is yourself. You keep shoving women into one category that happens to not be compatible with yourself, and then complaining about it. No one else is putting women into one category - that's all you.

I am curious about what you mean when you say categorizing women. Let's say for example that I said that ALL girls under 23 or 24 were immature and that I would not be attracted to a girl under that age, since we would obviously have nothing in common. Would that be considered categorizing women?

Rose76 · Jul 15, 2015, 02:12 AM

Yes, it would.

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