So no dating for "socially awkward" guys?

Listen you aren't dating any girls and never had so what do you care what we say. You don't even know who are are!
Just go date whoever. If you need our permission we are giving it to you

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It is categorizing yes. Saying ALL about anything is simplistic and categorizing. Plus if you really think that it's not correct at all. I am not sure what you mean by immature. Young doesn't mean immature. You can be immature at 50

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Exactly. I agree. So when people say that only an immature man my age would ever be interested in a 19 year old girl, they are the ones generalizing because they deny the possibility that some 19 year old girls are mature.

Actually, you are the one who told us that you are mentally and emotionally immature. That immaturity is apparent in your black and white thinking and your inability to understand what all of us are actually saying: Go out there and date! Stop obsessing about age! Get out of your own way! You will be 50 and still have never gone on a date unless you put yourself out there and start meeting women. Maybe it would be helpful if you printed out this thread and showed it to your therapist so she could help you understand what's going on and what is preventing you from putting yourself out there on the dating scene.

Quite honestly after reading through several of you replies so far and others' I am quite baffled at why you find yourself in a position to have to defend what you've said repeatedly. I noticed from the beginning you've said you "realize" that not all women are like this, so I'm not sure why everyone seems to be acting as though you think all women are against you?

I'm sorry you're having to deal with defending your right to say that it's wrong for people to outright write someone off as "undateable" due to social awkwardness. You were right from the beginning that it's aggravating not that there are women that have no desire to date an socially awkward male but they make it seem as though it's a trait that no one should want. >.> I feel you man.

But I will say this, knowing what you do, there are women that are not a good fit for you and your personality and asking the question on a public forum related to how many women would date you with your social issues, you're going to get a good number of women with bad attitudes and it's not going to help your cause.

There are women, that would fit into your lifestyle and personality out there, but considering in my opinion they will probably be relatively introverted and kind of geeky themselves, they are not going to jump out at you. They are going to be the quiet types that will enjoy very likely the same types of things you do so you wn't find many at meet ups, gatherings, parties and such.

Change your environment, you're looking in. If you're awkward in the place you're looking, most likely the women there aren't your type anyway! If you're into gaming, books, and any other types of geek-related entertainment, find like minded groups and go there. don't rush it but just go an enjoy your life, your time there and someone will come along. Trust me, when you're NOT looking anymore is when the jump out and pounce you (figuratively speaking, of course)

Good luck man.

Man what do you care what people say? This is Internet. You find many different opinions. What do you care if they generalize?

Like listen I have a kid your age, I am your moms age, do you really care that much on what I have to say who you date?

My own daughter wouldn't care that much on what I say on a subject of dating lol

when I was 27 all I cared who I like not some random middle age folks

Go date please whoever you like

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I said I was immature in terms of experiences, which doesn't seem to be the same thing you are talking about when you say mentally and emotionally immature. My therapist agrees that it is an issue of not having had the experience that people my age have had. But either way, most guys my age are attracted to the girls I am attracted to.

So, Shadix, what do you think would be the next step to take to break out of being alone?

Again it's not important who other guys attracted to. At this point your goal should be to start dating. Whoever you are attracted to


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Shadix, you deserve a loving relationship just like everyone else. Dating has never come easy for me either, and that is one reason this is the case. In fact, the man at my job who stole my heart five months ago is very socially awkward.

Good question. This is what I am trying to figure out, but I always arrive at a dead end.

"Dead end" might be the wrong metaphor. I believe it looks to you more like you're at the edge of a cliff (which, I suppose, would be a dead end.) Jumping off feels life threatening, like you would be plunging into an abyss. But it's not a deep chasm. At worst, you'll get bruised . . . maybe get scraped. Say to yourself: "This won't kill me . . . This won't kill me." Nothing good comes to anyone who will not take a risk.

I'm not saying for you to go up to the next attractive girl and say: "How about being my lover?" or even asking for a date. First you have to adopt an attitude of liking people. Right now you are so hurt over the rejection that you assume is out there that you're at least a little bit mad at every pretty girl for not accepting you, before you even start talking to one. People pick up up that. Practice making believe that most people are pretty nice, even though you don't believe that yet. Think of nice things to say to people - girls and non-girls. Give people compliments, even though it may feel corny. Ask people for help, even when you don't need any. Like - ask for directions to a place you're not even going to. This is how you limber up.

Right now, the main way you interact with people is to argue with them. At least that is a form of contact, but it's getting you nothing that you really need. So on your gravestone they can put: "He never had a friend, but he was one heck of a debater." That's where you're headed. But age 27 is still early enough to change direction.

You're intelligent. You've got a decent basic education. You've got Internet access. (Actually, that may be a fruitless distraction.) Pick up some books on socializing and tips to dating. Join something. Adopt a dog and start going to a nice park. Stop talking yourself out of everything, before you give anything a chance. If nobody ever tried anything new, we'ld still be living in caves and hunting for our food. Wake up tomorrow and say, "What could I do today that would be a real departure from my usual plan?"

One day, when I was about your age, I got into a bus and rode it for 2000 miles . . . just to see what there was to see. I'ld love to be 27 again.

see what dr albert ellis RIP did You Are Not Alone - Approach Anxiety

Thanks for the link. Dr. Ellis was terrific.

Did you know him?

Only through psychotherapy. He was my first introduction to psychotherapy - his rational emotive therapy, the forerunner to CBT. (I liked RET better.)

No, I never had the chance to meet him in person. I'll bet he would have been interesting to chat with.

HEllo! Yes I'm new here.

This post is right up my alley. 10 years ago I met a man who is very, very socially awkward. He didn't know how to carry on a conversation with my family members, but with me he doesn't shut up. 5 years ago I married that man. He is amazing. Intelligent, handsome, and a lot of fun to be with. Over the years, he got more comfortable around my family and friends - so now he knows how to talk with them, it just took him time.

Socially Awkward people are common and I think putting pressure on them to be more "normal" just makes it worse. I bet once you meet someone, a friend even, you just need time to adjust and feel comfortable. Just make sure you find a woman who accepts YOU for YOU only.
Peace, Yooper88

I hate to break it to you Shadix but I believe that people like us just aren't suited for the relationship thing. I know where you're coming from; I'm extremely socially awkward and a hopeless romantic to boot. The one thing I've wanted the most since I was a kid is a great relationship with just one girl, a best friend and a lover. Someone to share my whole life with. I've always been "in love with love."

But I'm 30 years old now and I've been struggling to accept that it just isn't going to happen. Maybe you do "deserve" to have a girlfriend -- but life is not "fair and even." Anyone who tells you that we're all created equal is frankly lying to you for your benefit. Some of us simply aren't capable of achieving what we want most. Is it sad? Yes. Is it unfair? Of course. But it's also a fact of life.

So I'd suggest moving on. Find a hobby that you can devote yourself to in place of that girlfriend. It's a long and lonely road to acceptance -- I know, I've been walking it for years. But I think it's better than becoming bitter and growing to resent all women because they're not interested in you, or even all couples because they have what you can't. Just... let it go.

This is such discouraging post!

Why would you tell a young person that he pretty much has no hope in life! Plenty of anxious and awkward people eventually find love. People who are in way worse condition than he do find true match

One needs to Make and effort and start by seeking help.

But saying one is not suited for a relationship because he might be socially awkward is unsupportive

We don't know if women like him
Or not. He never ask anyone out ever! And never attempted to date so how do you know what women think? OMG

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I totally agree with divine. Shadix - I support you. I think you have an awesome chance at finding love, actually I believe and have faith that you WILL find love and acceptance. Don't let others bring you down.
Peace, Yooper88

Wow. I think someone needs to make an EFFORT to meet people. Let me give you an example. When I was younger, I regularly went with a few friends to a club we really liked. One of the guys would randomly show up around 11-12 midnight. He was not by any means good looking. In fact, he was very skinny and most girls would not look twice at him. But... he had an amazing PERSONALITY. He shone, he stood out. You know why? He had confidence. Or, maybe he forced himself to LOOK confident. Either way, he'd ask girls to dance. Almost always he would get a no the first few times. Sometimes five or six times. But did he give up, and sit down, and sulk? NO! He kept asking until someone accepted. And he was a superb dancer (no doubt he'd practiced at home for hours, so he really put an effort into this). He was FUNNY. Always joking around, and women love a man who can make them laugh. Anyway, he became very popular because of his outstanding personality. And yes, you can create your own personality, win people over, and find a girlfriend. I saw it happen with my own eyes...

I'd like some actual verifiable evidence of the "plenty of anxious and awkward people" who "eventually find love." Because in my experience it just doesn't happen. Do you even understand what Social Anxiety Disorder is? I was speaking from experience; I've had to deal with social anxiety my whole life. I've racked up more rejections than I can count. I have indeed made the effort and sought help -- and, like the OP, none of it has made me less socially awkward.

I think that giving someone the cold hard truth might be more helpful than just feeding them pretty lies. All my life I've heard people telling me that I "just haven't found the right girl yet" and "there's someone for everyone." And I'm sick of people lying to me to be kind. If treatment works for you and lessens your social awkwardness, great. But if not, you need to be prepared for the outcome.

I understand that you are trying to be kind and supportive. But sometimes that does more harm than good. I was just providing Shadix with a realistic look at the situation.

Yes I understand. I have graduate degree in the field and do this for a living

But that's beyond the point. This thread isn't about you but about about another person. You just told someone who is struggling that he needs to give up while all of us were trying to help him for months sometimes by applying tough love or what not but never telling him to give up.

Now about who finds love it what not. One needs to make an effort. Hard effort and hard life long work. I'll have to delete this later as not to be identified.

My BF has severe OCD ( has to be medicated), GAD , ADHD and he has Tourette's. The kind that people turn their heads and look at us when are out. Also he struggles with weight due to Meds.

He found love. He also has two college degrees, is licensed and holds professional job. He is RN. and is good at his job. Yes with tourettes. His life is a daily work on how to get through. He's been doing behavioral therapy his whole life on and off along with biofeedback as his tourettes cannot be medicated as it will leave him unable to continue his career (too many side effects)

He also has variety of hobbies that he chose to help him manage ocd and touretes ( the ones that require concentration). He is also very awkward to say the least. Well he is awkward without tourettes but that's sure adding to it! Yet it doesn't mean he isn't successful!

He chose to do hard work. Not easy at all. Daily work. And so can others.

Do not tell shadix he can't do it. He can and so can you.

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Just saying.... but people are turned off waaaayyyy more by negativity and bitterness than they are by shyness/awkwardness. Pessimism shines through all the time.

Well, here's some cold hard truth. I'm very socially awkward and have social anxiety. I have a nearly impossible time making and keeping friends. And I found love. I also work on becoming more socially adept. I may not still have any friends besides my SO at the moment, but I can interact with other people at a party or have conversations with strangers with a lot less anxiety. So there has at least been recognizable progress.

At this point, I have to diverge from some of the other advice just because my personal experience is a little different. When I met my SO, I had more or less "given up" on dating and was just living my life. So I guess I wasn't really making much of an effort. I returned to get my doctorate and on the first day I met this really nice guy who was apparently instantly intrigued by me. So in my case, it really was about meeting the right person. And same for him. Until that point, neither one of us had anything close to a serious relationship with long-term potential (We've been together for almost a year, so not officially "long-term" yet). Until then, neither one of us had found someone who accepted us despite our flaws.

So my point is that it can and will happen to people who are socially awkward and even people are negative. I've always been a glass is half empty sort of person. I mean, read my posts on relationships from a year ago or earlier. They're going to sound pretty similar. I still don't understand how or why I found someone who could stand me, but I did. And so can you, Shadix and OneInBillions.

And yes, I know it sounds like absolute BS because I've been in the exact same position you guys are in now. Maybe the best solution is to just stop giving a you know what and just live your life the best you can. You'll meet someone when you're meant to meet them. I wish it could be today, but alas, I'm not in charge of these things.