[Macd123]

But she's way younger but talks to me longer than most customers - and she's always smiling when I talk to her. The body language is positive but she is at such a different point in life. As indicated I'm loner and retired but I'm generally good company when I get someone's attention. I haven't been in the dating game much in recent years so I'm not sure if I even know how to act. Yeah there's some physical attraction involved and I'm worried about doing this for the wrong reasons but hopefully I can take it slow and see what happens. Anyway, input appreciated. Thanks

[LiteraryLark]

Hey, I'm gonna need more info. What is the age gap? Do you think she's being friendly or does she flirt with you? What's separating you from dating her?

[Perna]

Barista's are "trained" to be pleasant and helpful to customers and you could remind her of her favorite uncle, father, etc. I would definitely get more information about her personally instead of relying on just body language and general impressions. She might feel more relaxed with you because she does not see you as hitting on her which, to a working woman, can be a blessed thing at times. If you enjoy the relationship now, such as it is, changing how she may perceive you could wreck it?

Do you know if she has a boyfriend or anything about her living situation? I really liked my younger male bartender and he turned out to be gay. I would definitely learn about her lifestyle, siblings, etc. in a general way; what she does for holidays and what her hobbies are, where she went to school, what her future plans are; before showing my hand/interest in her in an other than simple, regular/familiar bar patron way.

[divine1966]

You could ask her out of course. I just wonder are you ever interested in women your age? You've been posting about being attracted to much much younger girls. I am not trying to judge but why not try women closer to your age? You might have a bit better luck?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Macd123]

Thanks - well this just the way it's working out. She just happens to be in my life right now - I'm not really close to any women my own age (accept maybe my sister). I admit that her youth may be swaying my decision making process a bit and the fact that somebody is actually listening to what I have to say. I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons but my decision making process is fairly deluded since I really haven't had a serious relationship in a long time. When I think of all the living she has in front of her I really do cringe and think what in the hell am I doing? But than the gaping need always trumps any logical thinking - it's the nature of the beast I'm afraid.

[Bill3]

What happened to the young woman that asked when she could see you again?

I'm not really close to any women my own age

You could work on changing this.

[avlady]

you should ask her for lunch as it isn't as romantic as a dinner. also, ask her these questions as posted and try to learn more about her, and i think she'll like to know about you too, so be ready for answers. good luck

[brainhi]

Not sure how much of the age gap you are talking about. It sounds like you are concerned about it. Have fun with the fantasy... which would probably turn out better.
Or you can take a chance - you could lose that nice person that you visit.

[scorpiosis37]

I think it's poor form to ask out a female employee who works at a coffee shop that you frequent. When women are doing their job (which involves being friendly to customers), they usually do not want to be hit on. Being hit on at work is a common pet peeve for many women. It's pretty disrespectful to hit on a woman who is there to do her job and provide you with professional service. Especially if there is a significant age difference, it could make her feel very uncomfortable. If you like having casual conversations with her and going to this coffee shop, I would recommend not asking her out. If you ask her out and she is not interested, it could become very awkward. She might avoid you or have someone else wait on you after that.

[Macd123]

Well we had a discussion and she has a boyfriend - it was real civilized and I still thinks she likes me. But at least I tried dammit.

[Bill3]

Yes, good job making the effort to connect with others. Please keep at it!

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I think it's poor form to ask out a female employee who works at a coffee shop that you frequent. When women are doing their job (which involves being friendly to customers), they usually do not want to be hit on. Being hit on at work is a common pet peeve for many women. It's pretty disrespectful to hit on a woman who is there to do her job and provide you with professional service. Especially if there is a significant age difference, it could make her feel very uncomfortable. If you like having casual conversations with her and going to this coffee shop, I would recommend not asking her out. If you ask her out and she is not interested, it could become very awkward. She might avoid you or have someone else wait on you after that.

I disagree with that. I do not consider asking someone out to be 'hitting on them' if one genuinely likes them . Hitting makes it seems like a game. Also that infers no one ever met anyone who was a client of their business which i do not believe. i also do not think it disrespectful to ask someone out when they are at work.

[Shadix]

Unfortunately, society has an issue with men pursuing younger women, so you will likely not get very much support in this. People will make excuses like saying it is because she is working, but the reality is that if you were her age or younger, people would be encouraging you to go for it. Sorry to be Mr. Doom and Gloom, but that is the way things are. People think it is wrong of you to even glance at a girl that much younger than you. People these days even have a problem with a 27 year old talking to a 22 year old, so how do you think it would be if it was a 60 year old talking to a 25 year old? The western dating scene sucks, if you want to date younger girls, I think the best idea is to move to an Asian or Latin American country. Those societies more open to this and the girls there are very attractive.

[Shadix]

Originally Posted by LonelyMan

I disagree with that. I do not consider asking someone out to be 'hitting on them' if one genuinely likes them . Hitting makes it seems like a game. Also that infers no one ever met anyone who was a client of their business which i do not believe. i also do not think it disrespectful to ask someone out when they are at work.

Thank you are the common sense.

Originally Posted by Shadix

Unfortunately, society has an issue with men pursuing younger women, so you will likely not get very much support in this.

Well i did not say it for support

People will make excuses like saying it is because she is working, but the reality is that if you were her age or younger, people would be encouraging you to go for it.

I agree. i also agree she is probably trained to be nice to everyone and he is unlikely to get a date but saying it is disrespectful and hitting on her is not true. How could it be disrespectful to ask someone out?

It reminds me of guys who go to a bar because there is a good looking girl behind the bar and they think she is chatting them up. It amazes me they cannot see through it

I once saw something funny in a soap. i do not watch them was waiting fro news. Guy A was in bar with girlfriend. He went to bathroom. Guy B started talking to her. Guy A came back and said stop "hitting on" my GF.

But think of this. If guy A had not hit on her in the first place she would not be his GF. So how come it is OK for guy A to do something with the same intention as guy B but not OK for guy B. Both would have had broadly the same intent. It is just defined different as it suits Guy A just as it is defined as hitting on the barista above.

A girl i knew once would go out to a bar and if someone she liked spoke to her he was 'chatting her up' but if she did not like him he was 'coming on to her' Same action. Same intent. Defined differently

Sorry to be Mr. Doom and Gloom, but that is the way things are. People think it is wrong of you to even glance at a girl that much younger than you. People these days even have a problem with a 27 year old talking to a 22 year old, so how do you think it would be if it was a 60 year old talking to a 25 year old? The western dating scene sucks, if you want to date younger girls, I think the best idea is to move to an Asian or Latin American country. Those societies more open to this and the girls there are very attractive.

It does not bother me and I am not in Asia but would probably bother the girls here

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Shadix

Unfortunately, society has an issue with men pursuing younger women, so you will likely not get very much support in this. People will make excuses like saying it is because she is working, but the reality is that if you were her age or younger, people would be encouraging you to go for it. Sorry to be Mr. Doom and Gloom, but that is the way things are. People think it is wrong of you to even glance at a girl that much younger than you. People these days even have a problem with a 27 year old talking to a 22 year old, so how do you think it would be if it was a 60 year old talking to a 25 year old? The western dating scene sucks, if you want to date younger girls, I think the best idea is to move to an Asian or Latin American country. Those societies more open to this and the girls there are very attractive.

No people have no problem with 27 year olds talking to 22 year olds. No problem dating them or marrying. Where do you get this from?

But 25 year olds want to be able to enjoy youthful activity, then have kids, actually raise them and enjoy grandkids etc 25 year olds have dads younger than 60 so very unlikely they will go for guys that age. Not much fun or future there.

By this logic I should enjoy 85-year old guys. I like company of elderly but not romantically. I like my 49 year old boyfriend just fine lol lol

Age difference is fine but one cannot hold it against a 25 year old woman not wanting someone 35 years older. Be real

I highly doubt 25 year olds in Asia and Latin America want to hook up with 60 year olds

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by Shadix

People these days even have a problem with a 27 year old talking to a 22 year old...

I just wanted to second that nobody is going to have a problem with a 27-year old talking to (or asking out, or dating) a 22-year old. That's not a big difference at all.

I had always heard (as a rough guide) that the youngest you can date and be socially acceptable is something like "half your age, then add 7".

So, for a 27 year old, that would be: (27/2)+7 = 20.5. (Go ahead and drop the 0.5.) So, at 27, it's socially acceptable for you to date women as young as 20, if you buy in to the formula.

(And, interestingly, here's a brief article talking about age preferences for men and women compared to their own age, and how that formula works compared to the research. Neat. The Dating Equation: ½(your age) + 7 - | - Science of Relationships )

Originally Posted by guilloche

I just wanted to second that nobody is going to have a problem with a 27-year old talking to (or asking out, or dating) a 22-year old. That's not a big difference at all.

I had always heard (as a rough guide) that the youngest you can date and be socially acceptable is something like "half your age, then add 7".

So, for a 27 year old, that would be: (27/2)+7 = 20.5. (Go ahead and drop the 0.5.) So, at 27, it's socially acceptable for you to date women as young as 20, if you buy in to the formula.

(And, interestingly, here's a brief article talking about age preferences for men and women compared to their own age, and how that formula works compared to the research. Neat.HAVE TO REMOVE LINK

I remember a girl who when she was about 20 married a man in his mid to late fifties. I think that article shows how narrow minded people are. What diference does age make if the girl is old enough to make up her mind and it is not an abusive relationship?

The article says

it would not be creepy for a 30 year old to date a 22 year-old, but an 18 year-old would be off-limits

Nonsense if the girl wanted to date him it is their business

Originally Posted by Shadix

People these days even have a problem with a 27 year old talking to a 22 year old, .

I do not know anyone who would have a problem with that.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by LonelyMan

I remember a girl who when she was about 20 married a man in his mid to late fifties. I think that article shows how narrow minded people are. What diference does age make if the girl is old enough to make up her mind and it is not an abusive relationship?

The article says
Nonsense if the girl wanted to date him it is their business

I agree. Adults should do whatever the heck they want minus abuse.

Just on average 20 year olds would be more interested either in people their age or in their 30s. Big age difference just puts people into a different generation and difference if life style and interests

. I am almost 50 and i would go for men my age or in their 40s or early 60s but 20 year olds or 70 year olds just don't interest me. Not like it is taboo it is just not interesting for me

It is safe to say most 20 year old women aren't going to pursue men in their 60s. It is not narrow minded. It's just a reality

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[A Red Panda]

22 dating 27 is not a big difference at all. My mom was 20 when she met my dad, who was 27. Many couples I know have an age difference like that.

Now, when it comes to an age difference where one partner could potentially be the parent of the younger... while, things do change and it's easier to mix up signals.

Using the barista - she may very well be extra friendly and chatty with men significantly older simply because she views them as "safe". She might be more brief with men around her own age because she's more conscious of not wanting to lead them on. She might miss the older man's attempts at flirting because she isn't expecting them, where with younger men she will be more alert and is thus more ready to either reciprocate or reject openly. With the older man, she may try to be much more subtle just in case she's imagining things.

I say that because that is my own behaviour.

[IceCreamKid]

So now ask her if her mother is single. I'm being a tiny bit facetious, but seriously, next time you see her you might say "So if you know any ladies closer to my age who'd like to join me here for coffee…let me know!"

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Using the barista - she may very well be extra friendly and chatty with men significantly older simply because she views them as "safe". .

more likely she is trained to. The coffee house's first priority is to sell coffee. I go into a shop and get these fake smiles i have to look over my shoulder to see if there is someone behind me she is smiling at. These people are trained to be nice, to call you by your first name, gives the impression they know you and you are more likely to buy from peoploe you know. Some are also trained to ask" is there anything else you need today?"

[Trippin2.0]

2 of my 19 year old coworkers are dating 30 year old men, and I'll even mention that both couples are a Christian/Muslim combo.

A non issue, for the couples, for their families and for onlookers...


Nobody bats an eye, nobody whispers, nobody protests, because NOBODY CARES.


I think its sad and pathetic that some people are ruled by their imaginary beliefs of what others must be thinking of them.


Must be a miserable reality to create for ones self.


To the OP, good for you for trying, this life is all about trying.

Trying new things, new methods, new avenues, new strategies etc...

Without trying we become stagnant and whither away in abject misery.


And what faster way is there to bitterness...

[divine1966]

19 and 30 isn't a big deal. I thought op is 60 or so. I am not saying he should go for 60 years old but perhaps in her 40s?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk