How To Handle a Monologue Conversation?

How does someone deal with a so called friend who dominates a conversation, doing ALL of the talking!? They shut you out, they keep you from interrupting them, if you try they just plow right on through undeterred! This happened today, they spoke for 40mins! (yes, I know I should have stopped them).

Then there is the flip side to this scenario, when I am attempting to talk (at other times), they are continually interrupting me, preventing me from being able to even finish a thought! If I confront them then they are instantly offended, everytime!

What pray tell does someone do about this most exasperating problem!?

Note: I do know that I have helped in creating this mess, that I have allowed this to go on far too long. Well, I am now sick of it and I even want out of this relationship, I just do not know how to escape it. I do not want to make things worse for them or myself.

I thought only relatives did that.

Been there, done that and bought the Tshirt.

I'm old and have zero tolerance for nonsense. I would just walk away. Most people are going to wonder whats going on after a few times and ask you. Before you start explaining ask them to be quiet and really listen and when your done then Q and A can start.

I hope you find a solution for this pretty common problem

I've tended to be a magnet for people like that, and it dies get tedious.

One thing I've decided is that people who do that are not as unaware of what they're doing, as I had thought they were. There is a certain amount of either what I call soft-bullying or just plain exploitation.

A person used to call me all the time and talk non-stop only about herself. Then I started putting a time limit on it. When I'ld tell her I was going to have to go, she'ld suddenly start asking me what was going on in my life. You see what I mean. She knew I was getting bored hearing only about her, so she'ld suddenly try to make the conversation more interestng to me.

Like me you probably worry over much about not wanting to hurt someone or make them feel rejected. You have to get over that. It helps to realize that they are knowingly exploiting you.

I also feel like a magnet for this! I ended a relationship with someone who did this to me after trying to work around it for years. If I tried to say something, she'd talk more loudly! I tried scheduling things to do that wouldn't involve me listening to her, but she'd always find some excuse to change our plans.

With other friends, I limit the amount of time I spend with them. I have found that with one friend, if I can keep him off certain topics, he doesn't do this. Once he starts going down that road, I leave. I've also just walked away, like Christina mentioned. I am not sure they always notice...

my sons father used to do that all the time. i had to leave him because of it i couldn't take it anymore!!! i need to be validated sometimes during conversations but there was nonec either, i do relate.

What can be hard is when the person who does this is someone who you do kind of value. A lady friend of mine who did this was a good person whom I admired in other ways. She really was a good soul, but she would talk over me when I tried to interject a comment. She was alienated from her 3 adult kids, and I think her unwillingness to listen was probably part of it. Then she began to get hard of hearing, which made the problem even worse. My own life got real stressful on a number of fronts, and then I simply stopped calling her. She phoned me, wanting to know why I wasn't calling. I said my life had just gotten too crazy. We drifted apart, and I was glad.

When I was younger, I had more patience with people who wore me out mentally. But, as I get older, I'm finding I don't have the time or patience. There are only so many hours in a day, and my time belongs to me.

Every time you let someone bend your ear for a lot longer than you have any interest in listening to, you are letting them think that you are okay with what they are doing. So they just persist more. Then you just build up more resentment toward them. It becomes a bad cycle.

Could always take out a passive-agressive route, and once you indicate wanting to talk, or get ignored... just take out your phone. Text them all your comments.

"So, when you shut me up, I was going to say XYZ!"
"Hello? I'm not sure that you can hear me, so I'm texting you to check"
"Remember how I started to talk about X a minute ago? Yeah. I wasn't finished."

lol.

Umm. I'm not sure I'd be gutsy enough to do that.

Hey, Red Panda, I like your style! .

Every time you let someone bend your ear for a lot longer than you have any interest in listening to, you are letting them think that you are okay with what they are doing. So they just persist more. Then you just build up more resentment toward them. It becomes a bad cycle.

Yes! Yes! I do see this about myself, it is very scary for me to confront anyone. Esp. someone like her, who uses a whole lot of shaming and guilt to manipulate me into staying with her. I am happy that we are 400 hundred miles apart!

Another, thing that she does that blokes me from speaking, is she goes on these loooooong drawn out crying jags! How in the world do you cut them off when they are doing that!?!?!?!?!?!? Major crazy maker!!!!!!! This is what she did yesterday, it really is sickening to say the least.

Well thank you ALL I am listening to everything that you have said, and I can and do agree with what you have said. I see the truth in your words and will take it seriously.

I just wanted to say I can relate you pain, been suffering tremendouwly myself MY Heart goes out to you, I truly do hope that you will be feeling better soon. Here is me hugging you!

My goodness, Lambakins, she uses "shame and guilt!" Aren't you the magnanimous soul to return her so much attention, despite that. But you see, she keeps using it because it works. There is an old saying: "We teach people how to treat us."

Long, drawn-out crying jags! What a pain. Here's an option: When the hysterics start, tell her - "I'm going to get off the phone, so you can calm down. Our talking is definitely triggering you. So go take it very easy for a half an hour. Then I'll call you back to see how you're doing." Then get off phone. Then do call her back, but insist that it's best if she gets her mind off the stuff you were talking about, so you'll be getting off again to let her relax.

I don't know. Might not be such a hot idea at that.

When she does this crying, it is always in relation to her deep sense of guilt and shame, at how she has failed God in some way, she opens the door what triggers her is usually some preacher she has just listened to. It is a vicious circle and it will never stop until she leaves that church, but that will never happen because she is deeply rooted into the abusive system. She staunchly believes it is truth and cannot see that it is a cult.

I know that I cannot help her, as long as she is in this mindset. So leave is what I must and will do, I am done with her.

her deep sense of guilt and shame, at how she has failed God in some way - Yerrs, I see. I am pretty the Diety can look after herself. I wonder if you could introduce matey to this concept.

This is not genuine religious piety. This is making herself pathetic so that you'll comfort her. Don't do it. Ask her what she is offering God to make up for her failings . . . like volunteering at the local hospital. Suggest she go spend some time in prayer so that she can feel the solace of God's mercy and forgiveness. Give her back as much religion as she gives you. Then tell her that she has inspired you to want to spend some time in prayer and that's what you are getting off the phone to do. Assure her you'll pray for her.

She is all about manipulation. Don't reward that behavior by staying as an audience to her performance.

She will not listen to what I have to say, only she is right in her own eyes.

You cannot change her, so you have to calculate if she should be in/out of your life.

It's funny when I actually do try to say something about me. Either they don't notice or they latch onto that and go "Oh THAT happened to me also! Blah blah blah..."

I, too, am so much less tolerant than when I was young. There are friends that I see now and then that were friends from our childhood, and I think to myself, "What did I see in this person?" They want to talk only about themselves, and rarely ask about me and my life. People that are "too nice" are often targeted by these people. We don't know how to handle someone who acts so selfish and self-absorbed. It's disrespectful, but a lot of people have been allowed to get away with it, and so these people never change. I pick and choose my friends now very carefully. Like someone posted earlier, life is too short, and my time too precious to spend it listening to someone else crying, whining, and dwelling on themselves with no regard for the feelings of the person who is supposed to be their "friend."

People like that are psychic vampires. I have known some and have walked away mid conversation and except for saying hello next time would not engage in a conversation. If that is rude what they do is rude too. Some do not know they are doing it

I think what makes dealing with these people so hard is that you do end up feeling like you have to be quite brusque with them, in order to extricate yourself from their grip. Many of these types know good and well that you are trying to avoid being short, or brusque, or curt with them. They consciously use their target's reluctance to seem rude, in a manipulatve way. When you catch on to them doing that, you really owe them a bit of rudeness to correct their impression that you are some kind of a fool.

I've always tended to give people the benefit of the doubt that they are just caught up in enthusiasm for what they are wanting to communicate, and don't realise that they are hogging the conversation. That can be true occasionally, but I think I've assumed that more often than is deserved.

I have a lady friend who can be an excellent conversationalist, but just chooses to not "give" as much as she "takes." She loves to talk about her family and about how she grew up. I genuinely find it interesting to hear about people's backgrounds. I know she loves that attention from me. But, if I start talking about people in my family, she will actually stare into space, not make eye contact, and let all expression drain from her face. I think, the next time this happens, I'm going to say, "Forgive me for boring you. I really shouldn't talk so much. Let's get back to whatever is on your mind."

I am struggling daily about with my boyfriend's badly deteriorating health. He is in and out of the hospital. This same lady-friend of mine calls me and never thinks to ask how my S.O. is doing. When I've brought up his condition, she has said to me, "Because of how much illness there was in my own family, I really can no longer bear to hear about sickness and hospitals. It brings up too many painful memories." This gal amazes me with how imaginative and elaborate her strategies are for shutting me down, if I am taxing her patience. Now she is calling me and wondering why she doesn't hear more from me.

Here is an article that discusses the techniques that these kind of folks use. The article calls them "conversational narcissists." There really is a science to how they keep the focus on themselves:

Conversational Narcissism: How to Avoid It | The Art of Manliness