Ambiguous attachment style affecting my reationships?

Thats one of the three common attachment styles I studied in psychology as it relates to children and how they attach to their mother- it affects them as adults- along with things I've been through, I can see this as a common denominator to how I relate to people.
I want to be close and then when I am- it's too much and I need to back away-it's really retarded and annoying- mostly because I think of my introverted and anxious turned distrusting nature - I think if I could have an alcoholic beverage and just stay tipsy throughout the day I'd be fine- or just have a drink every night- the following day I'm always more social- like a leftover after effect- was the same when I used to smoke weed. I've contemplated getting a medical marijuana card and getting back into using marijuana- but that just makes me lazy and less ambitious than I already am . .. . I feel like I'm used up, burned out - I feel old and jaded.

P.S. Is it bad that sometimes I just feel that I hate people in general? I feel bad for it later, but people really are assholes and it just rubs me the wrong way sometimes. I feel like I need to have at least 3-4 days a week where I can just be left alone. I'd much rather watch movies and shows and play video games alone, lol. I'm such a loner.

Lol, then we're both bad. I hate stupid people, and there appears to be a disproportionate number of them in the world sometimes. I def need a certain amount of alone time on a regular basis. It helps me tolerate others

used up, old and jaded, I know these feels

yeah, on top of that, I'm realizing that I am more anxious about situations when I'm alone and thinking about them and then when I'm actually out there doing it and interacting with people I'm fine. Weird ****. I'm slowly being able to overcome my social anxiety- I can jst tell myself I'm being ridiculous and remember how much fun I have.

AngstyLady I feel like I need to have at least 3-4 days a week where I can just be left alone. I'd much rather watch movies and shows and play video games alone, lol. I'm such a loner.

Me too. If I have too be social, like at a party I'm OK for say 2-4 hours then I suddenly begin to feel exhausted, I need to get away, be on my own. I need to 'Shut Down'.
Its like some sort of overload. If I was a computor I would 'freeze' I need to get away and reboot.
Being social, small talk, being 'smilely' is hard work for me. If I dont get away panic might set in, then I'm frightened of looking strange.

Wait, does this mean I have a condition?? I also like a lot of alone time. I thought that was just being an introvert or liking my own company? I also have a sort of push/pull thing with other people. I don't want to be too close because I don't want them calling me all the time... but then I get disappointed when they stop calling.

I am trying to stop being annoyed by people in general, but it's definitely a struggle.

Oh I could never figure out if I want to be together or alone.

Like I want both lol

I like to live alone and currently do. I really love it. I love my space. Yet at times I think of wanting to live with someone and crave it. Etc etc when I lived with my ex and often wanted to move out and be alone even when things were great. l
I want to have both alone and together but it's impossible

I don't have social anxiety at all and am not even an introvert and I work two jobs both require loads of Hunan interaction yet I feel similar to how you do quite often

I think what you feel is normal and isn't any kind of condition oh and by the wAy I love watching movies alone. I get annoyed when others watch it with me and distract me lol

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i am mentally ill ill admit it-there i just did. my mental issues and geographics make it hard to make friends and be social. i don't work am on disability, and my days consist of doing dishes chores and i pray to God for some nice people buy the houses around here so i could make some friends. i don't drink alcohol anymore for over 20 yrs now, well i had 1 beer recently. i do love parties but don't like being on the road with all the drunks, theres a bar on every corner in the city near me which is a 1 half hour drive. i was in a horrendous accident hit by a drunk driver, thats what stopped my partying days.

Oh yeah, it's so true, doing it even when you're not feeling it at first generally works out just fine and is even fun! It's getting out the door...

[quote=marmaduke;4561793]AngstyLady I feel like I need to have at least 3-4 days a week where I can just be left alone. I'd much rather watch movies and shows and play video games alone, lol. I'm such a loner.

Me too. If I have too be social, like at a party I'm OK for say 2-4 hours then I suddenly begin to feel exhausted, I need to get away, be on my own. I need to 'Shut Down'.

Yeah, I've read up on introverted personality style- that's usually a characteristic- it's not that people like us don't like to be around people, our makeup is just that of a sensitive nature and social situations can be exhausting sooner than more outgoing people.