Mom is Moving

My mom is moving to a state very far away from where I live. We do not have a good relationship. I don't know how I feel about this. The only family I have is my dad and my sister in my state, and even though my estranged mom lived one hour away I still knew that if anything drastic happened in the future I could go stay with her, no matter how horrible our relationship was. She didn't even tell me she was moving until this morning - she already bought the house, sold her house and is moving in 1 week. This just goes to show you how seldom she talks to me unless she absolutely has to. I'm 23 so I'm an adult and I guess it shouldn't matter if my mom moves to another state, but it just feels weird to me. The fact that she knew about it for months but didn't tell me makes me feel weird too. Almost like she was going to move and just not tell me at all. I feel like she's moving so far away because she doesn't want me to ever rely on her. I know that's not the main reason, but I do think there's an aspect to it. She told me today that she retired, and apparently she's been retired for 1 month, and she didn't tell me that either until last minute. I didn't even know she was retiring.

I dunno. I just don't know why she treats me like this. I can't explain it. It's painful. I'm left feeling a little more deserted. At first I didn't care, when she was telling me about it over the phone I said, "Oh cool! That sounds fun, wow great." but now I just feel more alone without much family. I didn't visit her when she lived an hour away so I'm not sure why I feel weird about this.

I am so sorry. Truly that hurts to even read it. Not that she is moving but that she has no relationship with you. I know several people who have this kind of situation with their mothers.

Do you have circle of friends or some even distant relative to rely on?

Do you have hopes to rebuild it with mom? Is this estrangement initiated by you or her or both? Do you want improvement or not?

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This post touched my heart. I moved out of state about 1 1/2 years ago. I told both of my kids right away that I was moving because my aging father needed someone from the family nearby. I am very close with my son, but have seen how greatly this impacted him. My daughter is married and later also moved. I talk to them almost daily or at the least a text. I am so sorry about the relationship with your mother.

I hope you have friends who can be your support. My mother was much like yours and my parents moved out of state. Having other people in my life was very helpful.

Your story resonates with me. My father just retired and out of almost nowhere said he's moving to the other side of the country. He'd worked further south of where I am, maintaining two residences, one an hour from me, the other 8-9hours from me, but in driving distance if push came to shove.
My kids are his only grandchildren. We had reconnected a decade long rift, because as he said, he found out I had had my first child and he didn't want his grandson to grow up not knowing him. Note the 'he decides' point, was relevant to my therapist and my therapy.
Sarcastically, if he doesn't want his grandsons to grow up not knowing him, why move accross country during retirement? See the hypocrisy in that? Oh I've shed tears and revisit old wounds.
It's tough being a person who has a parent that just doesn't seem to 'get it.' It is intellectually, 'their issue.'
For people like ourselves, with such a wound, it's a grieving process. A letting go of what could have been, 'should have been.'

Thank you for your support you guys. I wish things were different with my mom. Even my sister called me yesterday and said "What made her hate us so much?" I guess some parents really are just clueless about how their children feel. I guess if I ever desperately needed her I could always visit her in Missouri but hopefully I'll never have to. I just have to really rely on myself more and more now that less and less family is around.

My ex's two adult daughters are estranged from their mother. He is very involved with them but she does t even see grandkids. My current bf also have adult kids who have no relationship with their mother. I have students whose mothers do not see them. This is seems unbelievable to me but it is true. So sad. We are here for you. Stay strong and we are on your side

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