[elevatedsoul]

i dont know how to start this...

me and my ex split up a couple years ago, we had alot of fallout... things went down hill fast, she wasnt completely honest with me

i am just wondering how often it works out if you get back with your ex

we both love each other, even though things didnt work out the way we initially planned

we both have grown and learned alot from our time apart...

but i feel myself thinking more and more about her again, "the what if's"

im just wondering if things could work out with me and her, or if its wrong for me to even try

my heart says yes, but my brain cautions me

i dont want to be a fool, but im lonely and miss her a great deal...

she was really great to me when we were together, the only problem was that she wasn't completely honest with me ...

i appreciate any advice or kind words that you all have to offer

[Bill3]

What do you estimate her degree of interest might be? How much have you been in contact with her?

Of course you would need to explore the honesty issue in great detail, so as not to repeat the problems of the first time.

[healingme4me]

Was lack of honesty the only thing that ended the relationship to begin with?

Was it one mistruth or a slew of untruths?

Has she told you that she still loves you?

What would make a second try, work? Are the what ifs in regards to behaviour that has evidently changed, since that time?

[elevatedsoul]

its hard to say what her degree of interest is, she seems to think about me alot...
but she is very busy with work, recently promoted and brings her work home with her so i dont talk with her every day as we used to...
she emails me when she gets time (or she says that)

the truth is that she was having an affair, not with me... but with me...
she was cheating on her boyfriend with me (i didn't know)

but when we were together she told me that she left him because he was very abusive...
when i learned the truth that she was still seeing him it killed me inside, i dont know why she was still talking to him even...

its been a few years now and she's moved on, been promoted and is staying in a new city away from all of her trouble making friends

the lack of honesty is pretty much what ended everything, after i found the truth out she started withdrawing from me...
she also got the new job around that same time so she started being very busy...
she works for a bank but im not sure what her job is... before she was the person you go talk to to receive a loan or whatever

i've always had strong feelings for her and devoted myself full heartedly to her from the beginning...

i dont know if she pities me or if she still has feelings for me, its hard to tell because we dont talk that much... when im available she is busy, and when she is available im usually sleeping (stupid medicine...)

so i dont really know what to do, i know that i want to keep my friendship with her even if we cant work things out...
but my heart wants to try, i miss her greatly and ever since we broke up i've had a void in my heart

i would really like to ask her these questions but im trying to wait for the right time and i dont want to make a mistake and cause some more problems between us

thanks for your replies...

[Bill3]

Is she close enough that you can go see her on a weekend?

Much of what you wrote was lovely, you could tell her these things if she is willing to see you. You could see if she is willing to try.

Don't wait for the "right" moment. If she will see you, just tell her your feelings soon and see if she will agree to try.

[elevatedsoul]

there is a twist....
we were in a long, long distance relationship for 4 years...
she lives in brazil and i live in east coast usa
so i cant afford to just go see her... and im not sure if she has the time to come see me (atleast right now)

im going to wait till we can talk one night and talk to her about these things so i can see what she thinks and what she wants to do.... just appreciate any advice or thoughts on this subject

[Bill3]

Wow that is quite a twist.

Still, talking is good, see what develops.

How much time, though, were you actually together in your relationship? To get along face to face.

[elevatedsoul]

due to finances we were planning on meeting in the 4th year, but then the **** hit the fan and we never got face to face time
we talked with webcams everyday before

i've felt like a fool because of this relationship and how much it messed me up

im thinking that she has grown alot since then though and that there maybe something there if we can talk it out

i will just have to muster up the courage...

[Bill3]

It will be helpful to find out, yes or no, so you can move on to the next stage of your life, whatever that may be.

[healingme4me]

Seems like a more difficult scenario because of the fact that you've never met.
Lying from a distance and sporadic conversations don't sound promising for an in person future.

Even if promising, then comes the entire visa, immigration, nationalization aspect. It's a lot to consider.

[Rose76]

I'ld strongly encourage you to move on. Find a woman in your area that you can actually spend time with.