Should I keep more to myself? not involve BF so much?

I am worried my BF is overly concerned about me and my Dx. I think he means well, but lately I will go into these blind rages and blame him for everything, verbally and physically acting out. Then, if he isn't then there for me in the 'right' way.., i lose it as well. We are averaging 1-2 fights (major, crazy, manic fights on my part) per week! I know he is getting exhausted, he told me he consulted with a female co-worker after our last one (which of course set me off again!) The funny thing, when not fighting and not depressed b/c of prior fights, we are AWESOME and crazy for one another

I am beginning to think of involving him less overall, but more effectively and being smart about it. We recently talked about having 1 hour 1 day per week, where we work together on specific things - or anything we want to 'air' out together.

I am also going to change therapists- my current one pissed me off too many times. I just feel like I need to become more self-reliant, work on tweaking my meds, and focus on the lighter and more enjoyable aspects w/ my BF so that we can maintain a happy relationship. This isn't to say it will be all roses, but there are too many ups and downs. I know from experience (i was married for 7 years, now divorced) that involving and hanging around one another too much is no good. It just wears down the relationship.. grow too annoyed with eachother, start bad habits. We did not have any issues when we lived apart, when in earlier stages, and were crazy with chemistry. We still have a ton of chemistry- that is something I want to remain

I am going to focus on me, and also on forming a more healthy relationship.

So- curious of how many of you involve your significant other and how many dont and rely more on your 'team'...? Mine seems to get mad if i have too many expectations, or put too many demands on him. I am a big girl- yes with a dx or two, but now my family is involved, and i can take the pressure OFF of him solely.

There's something to be said for the expression, 'don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

I don't find myself giving a play by play of my day to any one person in particular. My first serious relationship, one of the key points of it not working, was the over analysis of 'the relationship.' Haven't encountered that again, in my life. My relationship with my exhusband was a roller coaster because of a combination of factors contributing to unforeseeable outbursts on his part among other aspects. But those are the only real roller coasters that I've experienced. Not to say that on larger timelines other relationships haven't had tense moments, but overall not the constant ups and downs.

Yes, it's good to not need to emmesh oneself. Not analyzing'the relationship' is a breath of fresh air, as I've discovered since that first one.

But my foul flag went up on your bf turning to a female coworker after an argument. He must have factors of his own to work on?

I use to what I call "overshare" my Bipolar struggles with my husband .. What I realized was it stresses him out, He in most ways cant "fix it" and I am the only one that can help minimize how much havoc it can cause in most cases. He can offer support and hugs etc .. but he cant fix it or even manage me if I am in a bad episode. That is why I have Pdoc and T. They are trained to help me.

I lean on my husband for the support like any marriage should have it in. When my Bipolar is at a really bad place of course I tell him, He often isn't even aware as I always internalize things ...

But I just don't allow Bipolar to take up more space on my marriage than absolutely needed. I work very hard to keep Bipolar as stable as possible , When there is a problem I address it quickly. its not fool proof. Spouses and friends can just get burned out if relationships , partners friends co workers get "Bipolar Bipolar Bipolar " all the time.

My finding PC was one of the best gifts I have ever gotten. I can come here and talk to people that deal with the same issues I do and people really "get it" it helps me validate my problems, feelings,vent and know that I'm not alone and I have some fantastic friends here.

I find often its healthy for some partners to go see a T for a lil while to learn about X mental illness and learn ways for themselves to stay healthy while there partner is having a hard time, Its easy for people with any illness mental or physical to practically drown there significant others, So healthy boundaries need to be found and used for everyone on the planet.

I agree! Thank you- that is very good advice. I think one of the reasons im overly nervous, and he too is that he never lived w/ a girl ever before me.. yet I have been married and with one man for 14 years total (dated 7 md 7 yrs- very toxic RL..) so i am learning this whole thing! I want to do better this time around. We both see a future together- long term.

Re: him talking to female co-worker, my flag went up yes, but it did a few other times b/c he has a girls circle he hangs at work. He told me that initially when we met, his bestie was a girl (from another country) and i eventually met her when we traveled. He is just different then most guys i know- but he is not in the least the lying or disloyal type (ie: he came home to tell me about their chat, to which set me off screaming in a jealous fit....later making me feel like a fool :/ ) ~~
He said that basically she had mentioned 'bi-polar' over lunch, so he pulled her aside, and ended up venting... and she is married, i met her briefly before but certainly dont feel threatened. I am just jealous kind of person :/

Anyhow, thank you i will heed the advice, and grow stronger on my own, and be more confident in my team, including him less and others a bit more
I know for sure he did not fall in love w/ me b/c of drama... he did so b/c back then i was 'cool' and chill kind of low drama girl- this all built up once we met and we are very differnt now. I think however, it is not too late to mend things- it just takes more will power on my part.

Thank you! To think I almost hesitated on asking this question/ sharing this... I feel actually this is one of the most important things for me. My boyfriend is SO great, he is so much joy in my life, he is soo patient and very in tune with me and while he can be blunt (his culture) overly honest (at times, but is learning) this is all new to us both!

I appreciated hearing your experience, and I find these forums very valuable also. They are a wonderful outlet. BF even criticized them yesterday but b/c he doesn't understand them. He said to be careful on here, b/ most will rant/rave about negative stuff. He was just worried i might get sucked into some downward spiral. However, he doesnt realize that it really helps me, there are some great positive stories shared here- and that I can be of help to others too, helps me.

I think you are smart to manage your relationship the way you do- and perhaps my BF needs to be cut some slack. He gives more then hugs and support lately, he is frankly very worried b/c i freak out so much on him, threaten awful things, throwing things at him and just being 'crazy!!'. I can't believe he is still here and obv i am concerned that he will grow so tired of this.

I think by me leaning less on him, more on myself and others, my team will be more balanced. And yes- actually i said to him lately (and to myself) i want to not talk at ALL about Dx or bi polar or anything of that nature for a few days. He said "where do i sign up?" Sigh- poor guy.

Thank you