[Bykn8kd]

I was in a relationship with a woman for 2 1/2 years. I'm in a lesbian relationship, I am 48 and she is 55. From the beginning of our relationship I have been honest about needing consistent communication with issues that affect our relationship, such as what's going on with her ex (kid involved) so I know what to expect, aspects of our sexual relationship because it is ongoingly unsatisfying and her lack of follow through when she says she will do anything. Since 6 months into our relationship I had told her I need consistent communication, not only about issues regarding her child, but also in regards to how she feels, what bothers her and how I can do things differently so I can ensure that I am doing what I can for the relationship. I am bipolar type I but am stable, take my meds and attend therapy on a consistent basis. I work as hard as I can to maintain balance. This is why communication is so important. Consistency and routine help keep me inline. Throughout our whole relationship I have tried to do the right thing, communicate effectively and be open for suggestions to be the best I can in the relationship. It had gotten too much for me to bear as we were arguing all the time and the yelling was out of control. I couldn't bear the unhappiness and contstant disrespect and lack of motivation on her to work on our relationship. I ended the relationship and when we were getting our things from one another she told me that she thinks I made the wrong decision and told me I couldn't see her son, with whom I've developed a close bond. I taught him to ride a bike, coached his basketball for 2 years, and he comes to me when he wants questions answered when he knows his two other moms won't be completely open with him. I am at a loss. I won't go against her wishes but I feel that showed her true character, when I have done nothing but good to him and what is in his best interest. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and it showed me her true character. I am not free from fault in this relationship but I do feel I worked very hard, while she feels she did everything. We did attend counseling together a few times then she told me she should go alone because she has issues she needs to work out. Honestly I question whether or not she has followed through. My question is this...why do I feel so bad and like everything is my fault while she accepts no responsibility at all? Am I wrong for feeling like my needs are just as important as hers? Sorry this is so lengthy.

[CANDC]

Hi Bykb8kd. Welcome to Psych Central (PC). I am sorry how difficult things have been with the breakup of your relationship and the severing of ties with her children. Sorry things are so tough now. No one can judge right or wrong. Maybe even you could heal quicker going beyond blame. Anger hurts me more than anyone else.

Glad you have joined our community. Many people here at PC find they can share these feelings and what they are going through with the confidence that people go through similar things and can empathize. So many forums are offered as well as Chatrooms (after you have 5 posts or comments on others posts). Anxiety Chat is 8PM Friday 8PM EST. Depression Chat is Thursday 9PM EST

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[WifeofBPD]

It is always hard when there is a breakdown in communication. So many questions remain unanswered or unasked and it is difficult to let go. Ending a relationship is always harder when there are children involved because then it is not simply about adults that do not get along, there is another person who, through no fault of their own, is adversely affected as well. As hard as it may be, I would say it is best not to contact the child unless she changes her mind or they are 18 (you didnt mention how old he was). The fact is, that you may never get the answers you need for closure. That is difficult to get past, but that is where letting go comes into play. She is responsible for her actions, just as you are for yours. If you are able to look honestly at yourself and make peace with your role in the end of the relationship, that is all you can do. While it is natural to want the other party to accept their share of the blame or to see them grow as you are trying to do, it probably isn't going to happen. Take what you have learned about yourself from this experience and grow positively from it.

Hugs and best wishes with moving forward!

~Seanachai~