[Zenobia]

Even with all the communication work I have done I still just can't approach the subject of money with my husband. Don't ask my why. He isn't domineering. He doesn't think it is none of my business. He doesn't think that I shouldn't be a part of the decision making. The only reason that I can think of that makes it difficult is that he feels like a failure when we have to look at our finances. This makes me sad.

This morning I ended up writing him a note to ask if we could make a financial game plan because I am worried with all the stuff that needs to be done and fixed. I feel ike such a weeny but I knew I would chicken out in asking him when I got home from work.
Zen<font color=blue>

Progress is nothing but the victory of laughter over dogma.--Benjamin De Casseres

[darkeyes]

The note was an excellent idea
Sometimes writing a note, can be a huge success, their is no facial contact, showing an emotion that either one may get put off with. It may also allow the reader to realize the importance of the issue(s) involved. Like the old saying goes, "Put it in writing". . . ha!ha!
All joking aside, that was a good idea, over the years my husband and I never did well when it came to talking about money and budgets, etc. I'd always feel accused of spending money foolishly, when he really wasn't getting too much on my case, but some times he was!! But he does remark that I have been "very good" (must be my meds, ha!ha!)
Take care,
"darkeyes"

[bptoo]

Yo Zen,

Don't know age your hubby is, but I'm a baby boomer and was raised by my grandparents. When my grandfather wasn't knocking me around he was impressing upon me that the woman's role was to take care of the home and the man's role was to bring home the money. Now, while I lost the impression I was given of the woman's role at a pretty young age, the man's role has stuck with me. I make decent money, but I feel like I should make more. I work a full-time day job and have my own part-time company that I work in the evenings, but my wife still has to work and that makes me feel guilty as hell. I know she wants to work, but she also HAS to. I don't want her to have to. I want it to be her choice. It was the way I was raised, the man should be able to support his family all on his own. I feel like a failure because it's not that way. And I know it probably never will be. Maybe this is what your hubby feels?

So you start by writing a note this time? Baby steps Zen. When you talk to him explain that you have a hard time discussing money and why and then next time maybe it will be easier. My wife is a budgetary genius, we're always having to re-organize things and I'd be lost without her help. Hell, my idea of a budget is not ordering pizza this week...

Let us know how it works out.

bp

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was
'committed'."

[darkeyes]

bptoo,
Don't feel like a failure, things are just not like they were when your grandfather was around (financially) so please do not feel so bad. There was a time when I too, "HAD" too work, by some mysterious thing, financially I haven't for awhile, I mean I could if I kept higher standards, etc. but we are comfortable (thank God) but we also saw some pretty hard times in the past, so sometimes I am leerie, of how good things have come to be (twilight zone). Going back to "the note", it's a "good thing".
Take care,
"darkeyes"

[Zenobia]

Our economy is no longer set up for single income families. It really sucks. My husband has a great idea. On partner stays home, doesn't matter which. Heck each partner could work 20 hours a week if they wanted to but that the total working hours would stay at 40. This way there would not be all that money available to everyone to spend so enflation would have to come done, things would even out. After all a car can't be sold at $40,000 if no one has the money to buy it. Sure when the prices came down we would be no better off financially then we are now but at least we would have more time to enjoy life. Unfortunately this plan involves a ton of sacrifice until the economy came around. I don't think most people are ready for that.

As far as the note goes, it was a good opener, unfortunately it got him worked up. He had to much time to think about it before I got home. So by the time I got home and mentioned it he said all the things he usually says about feeling bad about not being able to provide enough money for the family and he said it very aggressively. I grew up with my Mom working. She made more money then my dad. So you can imagine how difficult it was for me to stay home with the kids. I felt like I was a leach. Gosh, it is a bummer we all have bad feelings about money.
Zen<font color=blue>

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."--Tennyson

[kitty]

Zen: I think the note was a good idea and your husband's reaction explains why you were hesitant to discuss the issue in the first place. I know money is an issue for so many people, but it really does not have to be, regardless of whether you have it or not. I am lucky that my husband and I have never had a problem with this issue. I tend to be a lot more cautious about money than he is, but over the years, he has become much more conservative. Initially, he would not pay his bills and incurred late fees and interest charges. I took over the finances and when he saw how upsetting it was to me when he would spend a lot of money, he started discussing the spending with me beforehand. Now, we have more money and can afford many more things, but no major purchases are made unless we both feel 100% comfortable. I know it is hard, but you have to try to convince your husband that just because there may be financial issues, it does not mean it is his fault or your fault. You just both need to work together so you can feel more comfortable and try not to make this into an emotional issue. Good luck.