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  #1  
Old Sep 29, 2015, 11:08 PM
Yismymindblank12 Yismymindblank12 is offline
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These people who rush relationships, tell me how perfect they are then tell me how bad they are then repeat cycle till they break up makes me feel gross.

Why I was in them at one time. I don't like them, it makes me feel gross. When I see other people do it, I don't really try to pay attention more ignore it, but it bothers me when they complain or brag about it then cry to me about it.

Honestly. this is why I don't like relationships.

I can't be myself, if someone wants to change me to fit their image too quick. It's not fair. I don't do it to others they shouldn't feel that my lack of initiation is a sign I won't go further, because they end up pushing me away and I just shut down.

It happens every time no matter how long the relationship is. It's not fair. I do take into account a lot of things, but always what makes me like this is the disconnect itself. I won't like anyone that just wants either sex all the time or the opposite. I want balance a friend a best friend. Nothing else.

Sadly people I've seen more and more common don't know who they are talking to rush into something so fast it's like they have to date for any sex or just as simple as going out to a place as friends not even thinking about sex or anything.

Like I want to say don't focus on the sex aspect, it's an example that I've seen all spectrums for me to realize I've dated girls who wanted just sex first off and felt that being my girlfriend will prevent ridicule. It's gross I didn't like it before or the complete opposite. For me to be any where to be apart of your life to do anything together as friends, like go to a park and do something outside or with a group of friends so on. Some girls I like believe I have to date them so quick without any logic to why. My poor understanding at the time, was ok, let's do it. It's not dating, because I didn't really make a rational decision and neither did the other person. It's how things always end up one sided for certain.

If I really like someone I would like to feel comfortable going slow, but that doesn't happen. I would like to know more about the person in every way and appreciate all I can about the individual before getting into that. That includes sex, to be honest. It's like I have to be quickly slap that gf bf status before we can get to real relationship work. Like that should never happen.

I turn down people who do that not often anymore thankfully, but I don't hesitate to say no and just ignore them for that. It's not fair to me, if you really want to go out with me make boundaries don't have sex with me or if you want to understand I may not want it at times, and may want it a lot at other times.
Understand we may not hook up at all, and I may prefer handholding some kissing maybe doing something different. It's very picky with me, but bear with me it's all to prove to either of us if we do like each other.
Earn your way to a relationship with me or just be my friend or acquaintance or don't talk to me.
I don't understand why people like rushing it stresses me out and make me shut down.

I don't understand how that can be so difficult. From a relationship perspective. I honestly believe some where down the road everyone has thought of this one way or another, but I've seen a lot of people choose to act on emotions and impulse not logic. I think that's what I'm not good at. Emotional love now, it didn't work before and I'm glad it didn't I would of probably settled for the wrong person and a harsh reality of me regretting everything.

So yeah.

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  #2  
Old Sep 30, 2015, 05:12 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Yea its wise to take relationships slow. If these people are pushing you into jumping in quick like demand sex from you then they aren't right people for you. But if these people are jumping into relationships with others, I suggest not to worry about it. Don't let lit other you

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  #3  
Old Sep 30, 2015, 11:22 AM
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WifeofBPD WifeofBPD is offline
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Location: Wisconsin
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I have always said "to each, his own". I think that society has shifted into more of a rush rush, irresponsible phase. I have no room to talk when it comes to speedy relationships (not from just met to bed, but the "I know this is the right relationship"), but I have just gone with the flow. That is my personality. Everyone is different. Do what is right for you and forget about everyone else. Despite the fact I hate the phrase it is valid "not your monkeys, not your circus".
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Thanks for this!
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  #4  
Old Sep 30, 2015, 10:11 PM
Yismymindblank12 Yismymindblank12 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: Cincinnati
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Like it's not normal, at all. I realized that for being one of those people myself being stupid when I dated, plenty of times. It's so irresponsible.

In the end, I feel many people are like me, they want others to reach out to them, but don't have the courage to go out there like I do. Then when someone comes up to them they feel the need to turn them down in fear they may be at fault if the other person becomes a liability.

See it's why I don't try, I don't try at all. I don't like trying, I don't like effort relationships require work, but what's it worth if the person doesn't want to work. So I give up, and yes it's like my father I used to get stepped on. So what's my ammunition. Make as much room to distance me from the other person as far as possible. The only way to make it better if we make anything happen. I'm easy to compromise. I just don't like many people who want to rush and be so confrontational and controlling and want this and that.

It's sickening and unusually cruel to other people.

I feel like sometimes vomiting in my mouth if the person is pushing their beliefs onto me about relationships. I don't do expect anyone on here or in the planet to believe what I believe at all. It's my beliefs. So it's ok, if we have disagreements, just don't make me do anything I'm not comfortable doing, because you want to be like everyone else or you have a very selfish rational and insecurity complex.

that's what I've learned from relationships. Rather why is it too difficult to have true friendship and intimacy and a sexual connection all in one.

I get the point of it all, but I still am confident it won't help me except have me feel a bit less lonelier and grateful. I feel it do great things, but really it has to be right. I don't believe it would be. I'm always picky too picky and for good reason.
  #5  
Old Oct 01, 2015, 02:16 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Wrong post

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  #6  
Old Oct 01, 2015, 09:38 AM
Anonymous37784
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Quote:
I can't be myself, if someone wants to change me to fit their image too quick.
This gives me a bit of insight into your situation. Why are you getting into relationships where there are already differences between the two of you?

Have you in the past found yourself in relationships just for the sake of being in one? I am pleased however that you are obviously realizing the connection is wrong for you and getting out of them. Well done.

I've said before that opposites can fit together quite nicely; that the sharing of one another's interests can enrich a relationship. But, it must be an equal give and take. With that said I am trying to tell you that being different from your partner may not be a bad thing. It's when one party attempts to turn the other that it is problematic. Has this been the case with past relationships? Have you felt unable to share or participate in your own interests?

Finally I want to tell you not to settle, and not to give up. A great catch may come along.
  #7  
Old Oct 01, 2015, 01:07 PM
Yismymindblank12 Yismymindblank12 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 1,091
Quote:
Originally Posted by rcat View Post
This gives me a bit of insight into your situation. Why are you getting into relationships where there are already differences between the two of you?

Have you in the past found yourself in relationships just for the sake of being in one? I am pleased however that you are obviously realizing the connection is wrong for you and getting out of them. Well done.

I've said before that opposites can fit together quite nicely; that the sharing of one another's interests can enrich a relationship. But, it must be an equal give and take. With that said I am trying to tell you that being different from your partner may not be a bad thing. It's when one party attempts to turn the other that it is problematic. Has this been the case with past relationships? Have you felt unable to share or participate in your own interests?

Finally I want to tell you not to settle, and not to give up. A great catch may come along.
To answer the first question. I'm not seeking any relationship currently they sometimes run into me when I don't want them or when I do I get uncomfortable most of the time
To answer your next questions very much so yes some were alike and others were opposites but all were frustrating. I used to get into relationships out of convenience and settled to quickly like 4 years ago. I stopped since, because ik what I like and the person even though I liked them alot they were horrible and abusive never had a say. So I am fine now, but it's like I want someone mutual not one sided. Something that feels familiar but not bad for me.
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