[pixiebob]

Hi, I am new here and just wanting some points of view and advice. I have been in LDR for five years. It has been tumultuous at best. When ever there have been problems my bf always tells all and sundry about it, and there always seems to be a different new woman friend that he confides in who usually laps it up and plays mother hen. I am not generally a jelous type at all. At xmas my bf got a call from a woman he met on dating site years ago, she asked him if he was seeing anyone and he said yes. Recently we have had issues. On the weekend I went over to his. This new lady has cleaned out his bathroom, complained about the curtains I made and there was a jar of her coffee left on the bench. He says nothing going on, but my gut instinct says otherwise. Like I said I not normally the jelous type but this doing my head in

[popuri88]

I think he needs to set up some boundaries for his friends.

Go with your gut, its rarely wrong!

[Trippin2.0]

Don't ignore your instincts, we have them for a reason.


Every time I've ignored mine to give someone the benefit of the doubt... Backfired badly.


I'm practicing listening to mine, and I hope you do too.


Really, it sounds like she's made herself at home already.

[WifeofBPD]

Something isn't quite right. Whether its a boundary issue or something else, the situation is not proper for someone who is in a relationship. Try communicating with him, discuss your feelings and let him know that that kind of behavior is disrespectful to you. He will make his choice. Either he will set boundaries with this friend, or he won't. If he doesn't, do not be afraid to move on. It could be a blessing in disguise, either way....

~Seanachai~

[specialneedsmom]

Originally Posted by popuri88

I think he needs to set up some boundaries for his friends.

It sounds like the woman is trying to move in with him slowly. She probably is disrespecting his boundaries. She shouldn't be cleaning out his stuff or trying to redecorate his home yet. But its still a problem if he is allowing her to do this. Something is going on, even if he claims otherwise.

I used to have a bf who had female "friends" calling him up all the time. I knew they were acting desperate, but I also knew he was spending time with them. Then I found out he had a match.com account.

[Rose76]

Something is going on. In his heart, he has never really committed to an exclusive relationship with you.

The problem is not with the women, but with his making himself available to interact with them.

[Bradhadair]

I would say heed your gut and really discuss your feelings with him. It sounds as if he has spent a great deal of time with this woman. Also, he seems to have relied on other women emotionally for a long time. Most relationships are what they are based on the emotional connections between the two people. If he's experiencing that with other women, that can definitely make it easier for one of them to weasel their way in. You need to have it out with him and let him know that this is damaging your faith in the relationship.

Where there's smoke there's fire.

Has there been an update?

I am having major issues with a lack of boundaries and my own line in the sand being crossed.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by pixiebob

Hi, I am new here and just wanting some points of view and advice. I have been in LDR for five years. It has been tumultuous at best. When ever there have been problems my bf always tells all and sundry about it, and there always seems to be a different new woman friend that he confides in who usually laps it up and plays mother hen. I am not generally a jelous type at all. At xmas my bf got a call from a woman he met on dating site years ago, she asked him if he was seeing anyone and he said yes. Recently we have had issues. On the weekend I went over to his. This new lady has cleaned out his bathroom, complained about the curtains I made and there was a jar of her coffee left on the bench. He says nothing going on, but my gut instinct says otherwise. Like I said I not normally the jelous type but this doing my head in

Your gut may not be wrong here. Of course you don't want to assume entirely that you know it's right but you should find out more and keep your eyes open.

Here is my take. MOST women I know... would not go out of their way for a guy friend in ways like cleaning his place for him without having some interest in him. Especially not his bathroom. Not an enjoyable experience and unless she's a clean freak and does it for everyone, it seems like it kind of says a lot about their relationship. Again... this is my experience and opinion but at best it's not common practice for female friends IMO, so something to keep an eye on.

the idea that she left her coffee there kind of piqued my interest too. I'm not sure why but it seems to me that what's going on is more intimate than he has let on. The fact that he dabbles in having many female friends like you've said kind of puts me on edge in the first place.