i just need to know, yes or no.

i need to make sure if i'm completely hopeless or not.

losing weight has been so slow and i am lonely RIGHT NOW!! i just need to know whether i'll have to be alone another year or two.

i'm 19, female, and a virgin.

oh yeah, and i'm fat and ugly.

i just can't take this loneliness anymore, and i feel like i'm about to SNAP.


would anyone in the world be in a relationship with someone like me?? don't worry if you hurt my feelings, they're already hurt.

i shouldn't have posted this nevermind.

[LucyD]

I think there is somebody for everybody. You will be beautiful to a significant other some day. There are many who like people who are overweight. Only the shallow don't. I am overweight and looking for a significant other on dating web sites. I just put down how much overweight I am by pounds and I still have men responding to me. We have to believe in ourselves because no one is going to make you like yourself but you. You are worthwhile and there is lots of hope for you. All the best to you!

Originally Posted by LucyD

I think there is somebody for everybody. You will be beautiful to a significant other some day. There are many who like people who are overweight. Only the shallow don't. I am overweight and looking for a significant other on dating web sites. I just put down how much overweight I am by pounds and I still have men responding to me. We have to believe in ourselves because no one is going to make you like yourself but you. You are worthwhile and there is lots of hope for you. All the best to you!

but how do i know i'm likeable if nobody's ever liked me?? how can i believe that when there is no proof...

sorry

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

It always comes right in the end even though it is hard to believe. You don't sound unlikeable to me and at 19 I feel you can only do the best you can knowing that time is on your side and life will get better as you gain more experience and skills.

Anyone with such an amusing strap of she is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain must have much going for her.

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

i just need to know, yes or no.

i need to make sure if i'm completely hopeless or not.

losing weight has been so slow and i am lonely RIGHT NOW!!

Yes, I can identify with this feeling, you want a date right away, instead of doing the work first and then getting a date.

The good news is I've seen fat people on dates, so it's not dependent on your weight loss. However, you should still try to lose weight if you can. Eat healthy, excercise regularly, and set up a plan for doing so.

it starts with loving oneself - which is often the hardest thing to do. Being in a relationship just for the sake of feeling accepted is not the best thing so don't rush into anything.

You will hate hearing this, but 19 is very young and it is not unusual to be a virgin at that age.

I'm glad to hear you are making the effort to get healthier. Yes it takes a while. Have you asked your doctor how he might be of help (I take a medication that jacks up my metabolism. I was gaining weight rapidly and it is helping to curb that).

I know it sounds girly, but sometimes a new haircut makes me feel better. When I'm really down I get my nails done. It perks me up too and for a little while I feel better about my appearance.

My own self acceptance comes and goes. I am overweight and very self-conscious about it. Sometimes I have to force myself to get out and even then I worry about what people think - but I won't let that control me. I also won't let that make me settle when a man does give me attention.

[Trippin2.0]

I imagine it must be hard to "convince" someone to love us when we don't even love ourselves...


Like if we can't find anything to love, how should an outsider identify these things?....


My bf and I loved each other long before we actually got together, and by the time we did (years went by) I loathed myself so much that it greatly contributed to the end of our relationship.


While we were broken up I was working on myself, (for myself) and by the time we got back in touch (a year later) he immediately identified the change in me, and that lead to us getting back together.


Anyway my point is this, its not about being fat or thin, beautiful or ugly... I'm skinny and not terrible to look at and still struck out. Its about loving yourself, accepting yourself, having confidence in yourself and your ability to bring something positive to someone else's life.


That is what makes us attractive, not what a scale or mirror says, because if it were up to those two gadgets, everyone with less than desirable genes would die alone.

[x123]

Look around at all the "fat and ugly" girls holding hands with some guy. What others said about loving yourself is good advice.

I heard once that what attracts most guys to a girl is when the girl takes an interest in the guy. I don't have any experience in these things actually, but my two cents.

EDIT: I am a guy though, and I can say that I would have always been willing to trade my fantasies for a normal girl that cared about me. Now I'm 50 years old, so it won't be something I experience. You're young, so I bet you will find somebody. Most people do eventually.

[divine1966]

Plenty of people don't mind or even prefer heavier girls or guys. That's just individual preference and there is no such things as "ugly". It's all individual taste and preference. And not dating at 19 isn't unusual. Many people don't dare into way into their 20s. Don't be hard on yourself

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

wow, i'm kind of embarrassed. i posted this when i was a little drunk, and i can tell by the writing.

most of you say you've seen fat people on dates, but i haven't? at least not where i am? could this maybe be a difference of where we live? i'm in a small town, where the dating pool is already limited enough if you're 'average'. i just don't see any guys walking hand-in-hand with fat girls down the street. and from what i've heard, most guys who go for fat girls only do because they have some fetish. i want to be somebody's girlfriend, not their fetish. but i realize i may have to take what i can get, or significantly lower my standards until i've lost the weight. or, you know, just be lonely for a couple more years. :P

but anyway . . .

thank you everyone for your replies. i'm still feeling horrible today, so i can't answer everyone, but i really appreciate it.

i will say though, that i have indeed approached guys i was interested in (and having social phobia, this is no small thing for me), but they either ignored me or acted like i tried to hand them a steaming pile of crap. what can i do?

[avlady]

i know myself, i've dated overweight guys and they were usually the ones i liked better than the good looking ones. the same would probably be for men dating women. beauty is interior too. self esteem plays a role too. i'm sure there are alot of other positive attributes you can think of besides your appearance, like a sence of humor, smarts, and other things. don't be so down on yourself, you deserve so much more, but you have to believe you are a good person despite weight. i'm sure beauty is something you can't see in yourself but others can, love is blind too.

[divine1966]

My BF is on a heavy side. He is a nice looking guy but overweight. Plenty of my girlfriends and female coworkers are dating or married. I don't know where you live but people are not skinny where I am at. Everybody would Be single if overweight people weren't datable in the Midwest. Focus on human quality. Being overnight isn't healthy but other than that it's not a big deal

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Superzombiechic]

I suggest you watch the movie invention of lying. I'm fat & ugly and this movie gave me hope.

I don't think I shall ever date either, I'm a depressed, anxious male who doesn't have a job.

[x123]

FWIW, what strongly attracts me to women is their personality. Of course I take a second glance at certain body types and faces when I stroll through the grocery store, but personality is what gets me fantasizing about a relationship. When I have talked to a few girls, it was like I knew them all my life. Unfortunately, I have never been bold enough to act on those feelings of attraction, so I'm a 50 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend. LOL.

Anyway, the last girl that I felt attracted to was fat and ugly by normal definitions. Her personality wasn't the same as mine, but somehow it was very attractive to me. She would always make sarcastic remarks about things and then say "I'm going to hell for that". I thought the same things, but I was too timid to say those things myself. It's hard to explain, but there was something about her personality.

[goku23]

agreed with everyone else.
but that doesn't mean you should restrict yourself and be content with something that makes you unhappy i.e. your weight.

you 100% can lose weight and have an impressive physique, if that's what you want.
not saying you need to in order to find someone but i can tell you that it will help your confidence massively, so do it for yourself and not for other people.

you don't have to go on a torturous diet and kill yourself to do it, you can definitely improve your physique and quickly if know what you're doing.

but you're 19, believe me, you will find someone regardless of physical appearance. fact that you had the courage to approach guys you liked already speaks volumes.
hell, i'm 26 y/o with a good physique and i don't have anywhere near the courage to do what you did! (approaching women instead of men though lol)
so huge props, think about the things you've done that make you proud (like the aforementioned) and base future efforts around that.

if you did that while suffering social phobia then you're also capable of doing a lot more because it isn't easy to do what you did!

[CosmicRose]

There's lots of men who prefer curvier women, definitely.

[SilverSprings]

First of all- big Hugs! Having been on the weight roller coaster myself, doubting my own beauty all my life (tho others say i am pretty, i just didn't 'see' it for a long time- still have trouble) one thing i learned is that we all are SO much harder on ourselves then others will be towards us. As much as i have been bullied, which could contribute to the poor self image, in addition to the undiagnosed bipolar stuff, I was always much harder on myself.

Someone will see your inner beauty. Do things that can improve your self esteem, start small and build your network of friends.

I was married for many years and stayed due to FEAR. Fear does not help us! it just hurts in most cases....

Once i was divorced, lived alone, I started gradually working on ME. I went to therapy, I started a program to help with my eating disorder- guess what happened as a result? I gained about 50lbs!!!!! yes. ugh.

And around that time, i still had my dating profile online which i had created a year or two prior to that time. I reactivated it, partially knowing i was still thinner in that profile pic. but i figured i didn't look all that different ? Or i can lose #'s before meeting someone in person. (crazy).

I met the man i am with now! At that high weight! And after we first met, i could see a little doubt in his face. However, we had been talking so much, and already built a understanding and liking. He wasn't sure after the first date and i was scared b/c i liked him SO much! and he was gorgeous and foreign to boot Anyhow, i asked if we can be friends, we kept in touch and had additional 'dates' with no strings or pressure. and guess what???! We fell for eachother! He saw past my weight, he saw my inner beauty. Which, i struggled with for along long long time. He became VERY sympatheic that i had a ED especially, it helped him understand my weight flux.

I have since lost 50#s, and we are still happily together after 3 years! (Mind you he insists that i take care of myself, my mental health and if i dont eat enough or start getting too diet crazy/rigid, he is the first to call me on it... He really genuinely cares, about my health before my appearance...

This is to reassure you that there is someone, for everyone.

Best wishes to you <3

PS: I used to work with a tall, very pretty young lady. She had a 'thing' for guys who were bigger/chubby and that was her thing, and they are now married!

I suggest reading and learning about men, and relationships to start- you might be surprised at how they 'work' and what is attractive, it might be different then what you think. I know you will find the right person for you !And in the meantime- have some fun and enjoy life!

[faerie_moon_x]

I wasn't overweight as a child/teen, (but I am now and struggle with weight,) but I can tell you I was severely bullied. Told I was not just ugly but hideously ugly from my very early years until I hit adulthood. It wasn't just my peers but adults as well. I personally cannot see myself as pretty. In fact, it's caused such damage I am startled by my own reflection because I created a false image of myself in my head to cope.

Here's the thing, I've been married twice. Now, my first husband was out of desperation. It was really, really bad, because I feared no one would ever love me. We were married almost 5 years and had a child together. He was controlling and spent all of my money behind my back (I had an inheritance,) leaving me in absolutely poverty when we divorced and then got full custody of my son.

My second husband we've been married ten years. We met playing an MMO by chance, I wasn't expecting to meet anyone. We have two children and although we have our issues he does love me and I love him. One of his friends was upset that he married me, stating that he was shocked he would marry an ugly girl when he was considered attractive by many girls. That guy is no longer his friend.

So, in the end, yes you can find someone that will marry you. At 19 you're still dealing with "teenage" things even if you don't realize it. Don't give up on yourself and don't jump into something that's wrong. Take time to take care of yourself. Do things you enjoy and you will find someone.

[BlueRhaen]

Look, I don't care if you think you are ugly because you are clearly not. Nobody on this god forsaken planet is ugly. Trust me. The only ugly people are the ones who are truly mean at heart. I am struggling with weight also and I swear no matter what I do, I can't lose one freakin' pound. I am very insecure about myself and what others think of me. I try to ignore that feeling though. Most of the time I feel like this ---> But my friends and family see this.----> I know what its like and I feel you girly.