[DepressedMyself]

I find myself asking this question more often than not. It is like the majority of people aren't interested in relationships anymore, well, at least in my generation. I am only 21, and I've never actually been in a relationship with anyone at all. When I was going through my teen years, I came to the conclusion that I will never be in a relationship and I was fine with not being in one for a very long time. However, when I started to be medicated, my thoughts and emotions towards many things changed, now I lust for a close relationship with someone, and I would love to care and caress them if I was.

But it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Most people in this current generation are not interested in closeness, it seems to be that sex is the only thing that is keeping people together. And when I say this, it isn't as if they anything in common, or they have each others interests at heart, they're only interested for their body and nothing more. To be honest, I find this type of behavior to be disgusting, because it is literal objectification. But, I realize that it is now the mantra of current relationships now, and I am finding it hard to get back to my previous personality towards that.

I am in my early 40´s, and I have had the same thoughts as yourself. The world is cruel and people can be downright selfish. I´ve had failed relationships and a failed marriage...mostly because of my bi-polar. As I improve, I still have hopes that I will find the one that I am supposed to be with.

You are still young, and you have time to find someone. Try to be patient, and don´t give up. Judging by your post, you seem to possess good moral values in your regard to what a relationship should be. That sets you apart, and someone will appreciate you for it someday.

Chin up!

[divine1966]

No it's not generational or age related.You are hanging out with a wrong crowd.

My daughter and my nephews and their significant others and their friends all are interested in way more in life than sex and their bodies. They are in their 20s.

Don't associate with the type. Find classier crowd.

When I was your age there were people who wanted just sec and were obsessed with their bodies and it was many years ago. There were also be trashy people and classier people. Just choose your crowd wisely

I often encounter posts from people who state that everyone does drugs or drinks or sleeps around etc No, it's the people they know. Not everyone.

You are still young. At 21 you might want to focus on finding your place in life and far away from trash then everything else will follow.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ChipperMonkey]

I agree with you and disagree that you're with the wrong crowd!

It's not about being with the wrong crowd. I've seen MANY relationships fall apart after a few years, and many people my age (tail end of gen X, if I'd been born 2.5 months later I'd be gen Y) are divorced.....the magic number of years for marriage seems to be 7! Anyway, the common theme is "I just don't love him/her anymore because he/she doesn't make me feel the same". OMG I want to smack these people because it's the epitome of selfishness! Yes, people are getting into relationships JUST to have their own needs met and think that feeling will last forever. (Delusional thinking.) I somehow doubt they ever got to the true love stage (beyond being in love which I personally believe is just deep infatuation as people seem to fall in love with virtual strangers.)

The guys I've dated aren't "the wrong crowd". They aren't into partying, doing drugs, whatever. BUT, they are selfish in love and relationships. One guy said the thing he loved most about me was how I made him feel. Well no shyte Sherlock, I'm a very giving person in relationships and I make my partners needs a priority. Sadly the same isn't done for me. I know I could never pull off being selfish myself so I am just avoiding relationships for now. I can't risk finding out 10 years from now that the person I am with is only in it for themselves.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by DepressedMyself

I find myself asking this question more often than not. It is like the majority of people aren't interested in relationships anymore, well, at least in my generation. I am only 21, and I've never actually been in a relationship with anyone at all. When I was going through my teen years, I came to the conclusion that I will never be in a relationship and I was fine with not being in one for a very long time. However, when I started to be medicated, my thoughts and emotions towards many things changed, now I lust for a close relationship with someone, and I would love to care and caress them if I was.

But it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Most people in this current generation are not interested in closeness, it seems to be that sex is the only thing that is keeping people together. And when I say this, it isn't as if they anything in common, or they have each others interests at heart, they're only interested for their body and nothing more. To be honest, I find this type of behavior to be disgusting, because it is literal objectification. But, I realize that it is now the mantra of current relationships now, and I am finding it hard to get back to my previous personality towards that.

You've received some excellent replies, so let me add mine. I'm a baby boomer, and you could be describing my experience as well. Particularly after my divorce, every sex-hungry, self-involved slob in the wood work came sniffing around. Most of the ones who figured out I wanting a loving relationship slunk off for easier pickings. I was fooled a couple of times, though, and it was very painful.

But I don't think love is dead. However, I think it is a bit like a diamond; you don't stumble over those everyday, either. The best advice I can give is for people to figure out what they mean by love, what they want out of love, what they are willing to give out of love, and then to find someone who shares those values. The more strongly those values are held, the more enduring the relationship--but one caveat. Unhealthy 'values' can also be strongly held. So if someone is hell-bent on being a selfish taker, they can form a long-lasting relationship with someone who is hell-bent on being a selfless giver. In this case, just because the relationship is enduring doesn't make it healthy, in my opinion. But that is my opinion, based out of my desire to have a mutually rewarding relationship of give and take based in love and respect for each other.

I'd also point out I am single, still, and while I am not living in the vine-covered cottage with white picket fence of my dreams, I am happier being single than I was being married to an abusive taker.

I hope I have added something of value to the discussion.

[EnglishDave]

I believe we have entered the Instant Gratification and Throw Away Age. This holds for products and intangible concepts, like love.

However, there are exceptions and examples of both sides of the arguement exist even in my own family. Stepson, unstable relationships, multiple partners. Stepdaughter1 few close relationships, discarded when pregnant, single for over 3 years. Stepdaughter2, 7 year relationship, married 3 years, 2 year old toddler. All had the same upbringing, socialised with the same type of friends, even had the same work experience and ethic until 20s. Stepdaughter2 admits she seems to be an oddity amongst the group of friends she grew up with. However, she is now, naturally, finding more similar couples to socialise with.

Perhaps Enduring Love is dying out as the search for Instant Gratification becomes ingrained by our Consumer Society, but there are Pockets of Resistance.

Dave.

[That What]

Originally Posted by divine1966

No it's not generational or age related.You are hanging out with a wrong crowd.

My daughter and my nephews and their significant others and their friends all are interested in way more in life than sex and their bodies. They are in their 20s.

Don't associate with the type. Find classier crowd.

When I was your age there were people who wanted just sec and were obsessed with their bodies and it was many years ago. There were also be trashy people and classier people. Just choose your crowd wisely

I often encounter posts from people who state that everyone does drugs or drinks or sleeps around etc No, it's the people they know. Not everyone.

You are still young. At 21 you might want to focus on finding your place in life and far away from trash then everything else will follow.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Not people..activities. School was a scheduled specific "social activity" lacking physical experiences...remember..repeat..no learning through sharing experiences. For me...school was education books..not forming friendships. Friends were people outdoors sharing physical action experiences. Some experiences such as a museum was an indoor action experience...walking and questions..what do you see...what stands out..what detail. Beach finding shells...do you see pictures in the colors or shapes... Learning Experience = more than table place setting aka sex/drug crowd.

A bowling alley check on open leagues needing players. Meeting strangers while doing something enjoyable leads to more. Two over 40 people never learned bowling...unsure about reactions...found instructions on bowling and fun experiences.

Dating ...someone saying dinner and a movie...no thanks. Food in mouth and talking movies meant stuck in rut no foundation to build sharing.

Find some unknown outdoor action experience you never learned doing then a group doing it and join to learn and meet strangers starting a building foundation. Opening line...as a child I wanted to learn and experience...finding edible wild plants.

[smartiesparty]

I believe that a lot of people want more than just sex but we live in a society where people who want more than sex and who want to actually get attached are mocked.
I was shocked when somebody told a soon-to-be-bride "do you really want to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life ?"
It's like we are almost pressured into having no emotions attached to relationships. Being in a relationship becomes so strange to some that they just keep on living life sleeping around or not becoming emotionally attached. Then there are those who don't want the commitment.
Other people just don't want to be hurt. At the same time, women and men are called *****s and players when they sleep with a lot of people. It is a confusing world.

But there are also a lot of young, middle-aged and old people who still believe in love. I am one of them and I understand you completely when you refer to objectification. I hope you find a significant other who aspires to have the same relationship as you.

[divine1966]

It could also could be not only people associate with wrong crowd but also some attract wrong people. People with whom it will never work.

Then eventually it seems that everyone is this way. Nope. Explore what makes you want to hang out with such people or pursue such women or men. I attracted unavailable men to my life until I finally started therapy and the cycle stopped.

You'd be surprised how many awesome people are out there and to top it off they are ready for a relationship

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[Fuzzybear]

[DepressedMyself]

Originally Posted by smartiesparty

I was shocked when somebody told a soon-to-be-bride "do you really want to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life ?"

Wow, that person is very daft. I definitely would not associate with people who are like that. No one should be forced to abide by society's shallow standards.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by DepressedMyself

I find myself asking this question more often than not. It is like the majority of people aren't interested in relationships anymore, well, at least in my generation. I am only 21, and I've never actually been in a relationship with anyone at all. When I was going through my teen years, I came to the conclusion that I will never be in a relationship and I was fine with not being in one for a very long time. However, when I started to be medicated, my thoughts and emotions towards many things changed, now I lust for a close relationship with someone, and I would love to care and caress them if I was.

But it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Most people in this current generation are not interested in closeness, it seems to be that sex is the only thing that is keeping people together. And when I say this, it isn't as if they anything in common, or they have each others interests at heart, they're only interested for their body and nothing more. To be honest, I find this type of behavior to be disgusting, because it is literal objectification. But, I realize that it is now the mantra of current relationships now, and I am finding it hard to get back to my previous personality towards that.

Every generation gets blamed for a lack of morals and only being interested in shallow relationships. I don't think it is just younger people, I remember Gen X getting blamed for it before Millenials were, and lord knows people thought the youth of the 1960s, 70s, 80, etc were too promiscuous and headed for disaster. I think it's just being young, honestly. Are you in college? I think setting also plays a part. I keep seeing articles about how no one dates anymore but I'm 35 and no on really dated when I was younger either. It was all "hanging out" and "hooking up" we just couldn't "ghost" people because that was before cell phones.

I think people are less likely to get attached when they are young because they feel exactly like you do, everyone is just looking for sex. You are not the only one who wants more! A lot of people are out there settling for less because they think it's all they can get - men and women both. People are afraid to put themselves out there, to admit emotional attachment because they don't want to be hurt, etc. Be clear about what you're looking for, don't settle for less than what you want/deserve, and you will find love. It might not be lasting love immediately but for some people that takes longer.

[Webgoji]

For all the things we're talk in school and in life (mechanics, math, language, finance), we're not taught about how to work through relationships. We're not taught that the relationship will change over time and that it takes different tools through the years to make it work. We're not taught how we'll change emotionally toward our partners and we're not taught about emotional bonding.

So it only makes sense that for a significant portion of the population, they have trouble with relationships. They find the wrong person and can make it work for a while or never find the right person or whatever. It's so much trial-and-error that it makes sense that people would become disenfranchised or feel like it doesn't work.

But with the right amount of self-work and work on the relationship, people can develop long-term solutions and affection.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

For all the things we're talk in school and in life (mechanics, math, language, finance), we're not taught about how to work through relationships. We're not taught that the relationship will change over time and that it takes different tools through the years to make it work. We're not taught how we'll change emotionally toward our partners and we're not taught about emotional bonding. ...

This is so true! So we all get to learn from our dysfunctional families and think that's how relationships are supposed to be. I wish we could teach kids effective communication, characteristics of healthy relationships, what to expect from love (instead of letting Disney teach them that one!)

[10yrsgone]

In my opinion, when we grow up we have this notion --- whether from songs, books, film or societal idealism --- that love should be this sweet, simple thing between two people that lasts a long time. That two people simply "click" and they're together forever amen.

I won't lie --- I've wanted that idealistic, unconditional, emotional love. But I'm now beginning to realize that it's more than just that. Relationships may begin as this unconditional affection but they sometimes break down into arguments and apathy.

I've seen it with my own parents. I always saw them as a loving couple until the admission that my mother "loved" my dad but is no longer "in love" with him. For the last few years they seem to simply tolerate one-another.

While I agree that "hookup culture" (especially online) is changing the way relationships develop among people my age (20's), I still think that if other people are finding strong relationships in the midst of that mess, it will eventually happen to me. But as I've grown older I've also had to become more realistic about my expectations.

We would all love to have someone who will love and accept us for who we are, not their perfect vision of who we should be. I am no exception. The right situation just has to come along, I tell myself, but I find myself in the same position after not making the connections I would have liked. In spite of priding myself on being myself, maybe I'm the one who should eventually change. We'll see, I guess...