Irony of my life

You aren't a sinner whatsoever. True Sinners don't feel bad.

As about sex, I don't think it's about sex at all. People crave emotional connection that happens in a romantic relationship. Sex is only one aspect of it. You yourself crave that as you said you are in love with your friend. So it's more than friendship. It's in human nature to crave companionship. People end up in relationships not because they need sex ( some do but not all). I am certainly not in love because I want sex. I can live without sex. And friendship is totally not enough in life.

I absolutely don't think Karma or G-d cause any of it. Maybe something in you makes you seek and pursue these men with whom nothing ever develops. Trust me I've been there until I started exploring why. Something to explore in therapy. I waited too long to start digging deep why things are the way they are. Life is too short to be unhappy. You deserve happiness

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From therapy I realized from beginning my friends were guys who were committed to others or who pursued not my kind of girls. I avoided guys who would flirt with me or show any kind of interest in me. It was said that I felt safe with these guys because I knew they wouldn't hit on me.
Yes, I do love and want to be loved. But, whenever discussion of love comes, my definition is always as love is for family or friends. I can't understand that someone special kind of love being different from loving your parents or siblings or friends.
What I couldn't understand what changed over years. For past few years people hitting on me has increased. One reason was said a single woman in her 30s is target for men. But, I don't understand what I'm doing wrong to give these men impression that I'm available.
Another observation was guys who are available see my resistance and move for better options where they won't see resistance. The guys who don't want to commit, keep pursuing and ignore the resistance. And I definitely am emotional fool. I'm learning but I'm still not fully able to implement practicality in my life.

Recently, a new girl joined my office. She was having difficulty getting place to stay. I didn't want her to stay with me but I ended up keeping her as my guest till she gets her place. I tell others that I'm straight forward and I don't feel it is difficult to say no. But, I know deep down I don't know how to sweetly decline. I end up doing things which I'm not comfortable in.

Hopefully, I'll improve.

Was your family of origin unavailable emotionally hence attraction to a unavailable men?

If you don't understand the concept of romantic love, then how do you say you are " in love" with someone. You don't say you are in love with your mother or sister? Or in love with your female friend? You are only saying it about male friend? So you must feel the difference how you feel, no? If it was all the same for you then you would not call it "in love. "
Also reading your posts about these men who either didn't love you back( as you said ) or only wanted sex of were committed to others etc

I see a lot of emotional intensity that no one ever posts about friends. It sounds very much as emotional attachment to potential romantic partners or people you want to be romantic with.

I have never seen anyone expressing that kind of intensity about just friends. You might not want or need sex but there clearly is a need for romantic encounter with a man. You mention things like "he is the first man who kissed me" etc no way that s how people talk about friends

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