Not doing well

I don't know which forum to post on but I think this is the one. I'm having a rough time. I've tried to help myself but recently I've just lost my grip.

The people I live with just tolerate me. I don't feel that they really care but that I'm just a responsibility. I'm in a situation that I can't change due to stupid decisions I taken and I am completely alone. I've tried to talk to the main person in my group but I just don't get any support.

I just need to connect somewhere.

I'm on medication and did well for a long time but I'm slipping

Sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time. I lived with people who were extremely "sorted", when my depression was at its worst and I was unable to function, our differences, and the resulting arguments, amplified my negative feelings. It's really important to not blame yourself though; it's a series of issues and circumstances which have led to it, and there's always a way out.

Do you work, or attend college or any other kind of group outside of where you live?
Do you feel like the main person in your group fully understood or listened when you explained to them how you feel?

I am so very sorry. Do you have a doctor you can talk to?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you so much for responding. It means everything.
The main person was uninterested in my feelings. I was too much trouble and he didn't want to carry me. Now our relationship is better but I still feel uncomfortable opening up to him.

I feel alienated from my family. My interests and their interests are different. They eat meat and love sports and competitive games. They love pop music and don't have an interest in philosophy and spiritual matters.
I follow a strict spiritual path. Actually that is how I met and became part of this family. It's just that I'm more serious about it. It's not a value judgement. I do it because it's the most natural thing for me. I don't like drinking and have lived a chaste life for decades. Again, this is natural to me and not a value judgement. I like rock and roll and classical music

I just feel like I'm drifting all alone.

I lived on an ashram for 30 years and I miss it deeply. I can't join another ashram without betraying my own Guru who has passed away.

I understand these are choices and I need to take responsibility for them, but sometimes I just feel so so alone.

I imagine I've really put you off by now but I do appreciate the open door you provided. Thank you.

Should I pretend to like what everyone else does? Is that what I'm doing wrong?

Again thanks for listening

Thank you for replying. It means so much.

Yes I have been under the care of a psychiatrist for many years and have been on medication for years as well. I plan to see him again soon. It's just that for some time now I've been drifting down and my paranoia about my family people has been growing until I am really unhappy.

Just having someone reach out and listen is very comforting and makes me feel connected. I'm just so different from the people in my family and don't know how to connect.

Thank again

Hi there, I'm pleased you replied. Sorry that I did not reply more quickly - my sleep cycle is really messed up all of a sudden due to the flu.

I'm not really familiar with the conventions of ashrams, however, I do wonder whether there is a midpoint you can reach which maintains respect to your Guru - some kind of a local group which holds meetings but it not an enclosed community, per se, where there may be people who lead the kind of lifestyle that you do? It might well be worth exploring. It really is important to feel accepted and understand, that you share interests with those close to you.
Do you live in a city? I'm willing to bet there's places that put on music events suited to your tastes. You could try to meet someone online who shares your interests and go with them to an event - there are phone apps and websites which can bring you together with people. No expectations set - there are so many isolated people in this world - you could be the one to help one of them.

That said, I would encourage you to try out engaging in the activities which the people around you like. You never know, you may enjoy them more than you realise, and the effort in striking out of your comfort zone to meet them half way could work wonders in breaking down that invisible barrier which you and they can sense.

What's most important is you focus on the here and now, though, care for yourself like you would a loved one. Our minds and bodies have the most phenomenal power to restore themselves provided with the right nourishment, and with time.

Hope you feel better. Having the flu is really uncomfortable.

I never thought of going online to find friends. I associate that with romance. I'm almost 66 and not interested in that. I'll give it a try.

Yes, I need to try and embrace the tastes that others in my family enjoy, even if I have to fake it a bit. No harm in that.

So, thanks for the ideas and especially thanks for taking the time to reply.

Something like meetup could be a possibility for meeting friends, you never know. Hope you are feeling less isolated just for reaching out.