am i in an abusive relationship?

My fiance is very sweet to me. Except when he's drunk. Then he will yell and can get very mean with people, even me. He always apologizes to me though. The other. Day I wanted to go home and he threatened to beat up another girl if I did. He said if I ever cheated on him he would beat the guy then he would. Beat on me. When I said that was a threat he said it was a promise. Then he said he would never hurt me though. He's an alcoholic who likes to fight every chance he gets so I know. He's capable of it. He said he wears the pants in the relationship, is always Taking my money and monopolizes my phone. He's recently becoming too rough with me in bed but I'm afraid to tell him cuz I don't want him to stop being rough, just. Not that rough. I've been told I'm in an abusive relationship but he doesn't hit me. So how is that abuse? I love home and I know he loves me. He shows and tells me every chance he gets.

He threatens you, manipulates you. He's rough in bed without uou liking him and he is an alcoholic. Yes, it is an abusive relationship. Please leave before he hurts you.

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An abusive relationship is one where we let people mistreat us. Like: taking our money, threatening if we don't do what they want they will hurt us or others, rough with sex, causing us to fear them, putting us down and making us feel unworthy, being mean by verbal, emotional or physical abuse. YES, you are in an abusive relationship. I recommend you talk to a counselor or therapist for advice how to safely get out of it without him coming after you or doing harm. To stay in a relationship out of fear is terrorizing not healing. I hope you get the professional help you need to see that you are allowing yourself to be used in a wrongful way. tc

Yes, your boyfriend is abusive. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. (I've experienced verbal/emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse, and the hardest one to heal from for me BY FAR is the verbal/emotional abuse.)

He's an alcoholic. Please RUN from this guy. Alcoholism destroys the lives of not only the alcoholic, but everyone close to them.

Get away from this guy. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Abuse takes many forms, from the outside looking in I'd definitely say it's abusive. He may not be hitting you but he's threatening to hit you. You can't say one second "I'll beat you" and the next second say "but I'd never hurt you", he's keeping you on unsteady ground rather than providing a firm base for you to stand on which is what a partner should do.

If you've noticed that his personality is someone who "likes to fight", chances are it's only a matter of time until that gets turned on you, and it seems he's already turned it on you psychologically.

From the small amount you've divulged it seems like a pretty dangerous situation for you, he's a ticking timebomb. What are the positive things that draw you to him?

Unfortunately sweetie this is very much an abusive relationship. I would suggest getting out of it as soon as possible. Your fiancé doesn't sound stable at all, and I fear for you. It's just a matter of time until he escalates and does hit you. I don't want you to get hurt physically, or to continue to be hurt verbally/emotionally. You deserve better.

Agreed, abusive relationship.


You may want to read up on this subject, its not always about getting black eyes.

Yes, you are in an abusive relationship.

Yes - it is emotional abuse - I have been victim to that n emotional abuse can sometimes be worse than physical or sexual only because there is no "clear evidence" of it happening like a bruise or blood or broken bones or etc - the scars are internal - but it has actually been closely compared to the psychological warfare experienced by POWs by the psychiatrists n psychologists. Abusive people are not always "hurtful" - the abusive relationship goes through a cycle.

Escalation phase - things are not always bad but sometimes they flare up and the abuser will always point out the way the victim "caused" the abuse to occur and may or may not apologize for the action (this is to introduce the idea of "if i just change enough things will get better again")

Explosive phase - abuser is violent (emtionally, psychologically, physically, sexually and/or spiritually)most of the time (and the victim is always told it is their fault and by this time generally believes it to be true) with little break between

Honeymoon phase - abuser is apologetic and promises it will never happen again etc and everything seems to be perfect again

The cycle then repeats

These phases may last weeks or months and because of that it is much like brain washing and very hard for thevictim to break away from because usually the abuser causes the victim to become dependant on them financially, isolates them from family and friends, convinces them nobody wants to be around them - tgerefore they are also dependant on them emotionally, they can also become dependant on them physically if the abuser convinces the victim to move in with them ... The more dependant on the abuser the victim becomes, the easier it is for the abuser to manipulate the mibd control and it becomes very hard to get away - your boyfriend is abusive - get away now before it gets worse if at all possible, go to a shelter if you need to...i did that once

Pretty much what everyone else said--this sounds like an abusive relationship.

It is a misconception that we allow it - to onlookers that is how it seems, but literally it is a manipulation of the mind and emotions before any abuse ever truly starts so its not even something we can technically choose to allow because at that point we are no longer able to think clearly - then on top of that the abuser has generally isolated the victim and made them dependant on the abuser in some or many ways - it becomes an effort to break away, the choice is never to stay or to allow, but the choice starts happening when there is enough break to allow the victim to think clearly enough... And that all depends on how deep the mind n emotional manipulation has gone

Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence vict…:

Check out that vid sometime it is really informative on that subject