[Artchic528]

Ever since my brother started dating this girl she spends nearly every other night here. I thought I was okay with it, but all they do is have sex, drink and smoke on the porch. It's driving me nuts. That and my brother once got so damn drunk he stumbled into my room, not even dressed, thinking it was his room.

On top of that I am expected to clean what my mom refers to as the "guest bathroom" that I and my brother both use (plus his gf now).

It's too much for me.

Let me say now that it's not jealousy I am feeling. I am sure of it. Why would I be jealous of a drunkard who is too damn stubborn to admit he needs help? He used to drink all of my father's whiskey and diet coke before thay had a discussion, and still my father keeps his diet coke firmly locked in his car so my brother won't be inclined to consume it.

What can I do? Moving out isn't an option because I have bad anxiety and don't want to be forced into a contract with a room mate. I have enough trouble keeping my bedroom clean. I don't want to get into a constant battle with a room mate over it. It's bad enough with my mom. And keeping on myself to make monthly payments? Forget about it.

I swear, if things don't start improving around here.....I might go even more bat **** crazy than I already am. I can't live like this.

I've discussed this problem at length with my T and she recommended an intervention for my brother, but with my family? Ha! I've talked to my mom about it and she says there's nothing we can do....

I hurt watching my brother deteriorate like he is, he's been through so much. First childhood cancer, then a rebellious teenage stage, and now he's going to drink himself into oblivion.

Life just sucks......

An intervention involves Parents, relatives and friends. I say there is nothing you can do if your Mother continues to let him live like this.

Unless, you take charge of your anxiety and move out.

[Artchic528]

No....anxiety too bad.

Maybe a hunger strike....

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

No....anxiety too bad.

Maybe a hunger strike....

Don't see how you being hungry would change anything

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

Don't see how you being hungry would change anything

Didn't want to mention that.

Honestly, that would just be hurting yourself, not your brother or mother.

[divine1966]

Living with relatives is stressful. Honestly it is better to live with strangers or in a shelter

. I and my ex let his adult daughter live with us for what was supposed to be one year, she then announced she has no plan to move out. She was up all night keeping me up, ate everything there was to eat, and literally trashed the house including breaking and stealing things. My ex was afraid to say no to her because she went crazy every time we mentioned anything, but he was so miserable so he relapsed and started drinking every day just to get through evening with her in the house, he is alcoholic who was sober for the longest time).

Needless to say I had enough of this nonsense and ended a relationship. We were together for 9 years.

It was so bad living with her that I have seriously something close to PTSD. I can't even describe how bad that was ( blood on toilet seat, bloody underwear in OUR hamper, plugged up toilets with poop coming up, eating all night non stop until pantry is empty by the morning, stealing our things etc etc, letting my indoor cat outside etc, coming to our bedroom any time day or night "what you guys doing?")

The only thing you can do is move out. He won't change

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ArtChic - Can't be a fun situation.

I have to ask, what are the arrangements for contributing to the living arrangements? Do you and your brother pay rent?

If not, then I believe what mom says and is herself prepared to accept goes. When my daughter lived under my roof my expectation was what I said was house rules. If she didn't want to abide by it then out she went.

However, she chose to start paying me rent and, as a boarder I had to give her an entirely different level of respect - especially to her privacy and independence. Yup, I turned the other way when she entertained her longterm boyfriend in her room. I did expect expect her to clean her baathroom. And, as a 'roommate' I expected her to buy and prepare her own food.

Again though, when she wasn't paying rent I was boss.

[divine1966]

I am impressed your mother and father have two adult children living at home. It cannot be easy. Especially if one brings his partners over. This is more than I would be able to handle

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[~Christina]

You said your anxiety is terrible living under the same roof as him , He will not change. I just cant see how moving out could be worse,, Yeah its sucks having to pay rent , I dont remember if you are paying rent in your parents home now?

I would just set a goal of saving X amount of money then pack your bags and move.

[avlady]

i like what everyone suggested especially Christina

Agreed. It is time for you to transition into adult hood.

[Trippin2.0]

Home + brother = anxiety


Moving + roommate = anxiety


Either way you have anxiety, only difference is the moving situation has a huge chance of improving with time. You may discover you like your roommate, you two may become bffs. You may discover you actually like being independent and learn to enjoy it.


The situation with your brother?

Not gonna change.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

It sounds like your parents are enablers. My brother lives with my dad and has to drink every morning or he'll get the shakes. My dad won't kick him out and my dad drinks too. I'm a recovering alcoholic so I rarely go over there. So yea your bro need help and having another enabler such as his girl around is only going to make things worst. Sounds like this girl needs to either pay rent or gtfo lol. But that's the homeowners call.

My brother has this on again off again gf of like 12 years now. She shows up unannounced and invites herself and her two kids to the dinner table when no one even knew they were coming. There's ppl out there that just live their life's leaching off of others.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN