Dealing with wife's Feelings

I have been married nearly 10 years and of those years I never had seen a psychiatrist to discuss my not sleeping or over sleeping. (Hypomania or Depression) I dealt with it through drinking 2-4 beers it basically relaxes me and makes me more talkative. I drank hoping my mind would shut down etc. I may have raised my voice but usually when I am excited and its like I can't shut off my brain it just has to be worn out. I break into conversations sometime not because I wish be rude. I have often gotten agitated when my wife asked me questions to things I think she know but not purposefully.

It wasn't until we were married like 8 years that I explicitly explained to her that I have trouble talking to new people and even groups of people I may know like it was a shock to her. I was surprised that she never picked up on the issue before that them. After I shared that information with her made she felt that she then had to be that much more of a burden carrier. I was out of work for about 3 years but I attended university for my masters degree during that time and took care of the kids while she worked and also went to school. Last year, I made a move to live and work in the last place I would ever have thought to work because I wanted to show her that she didn't need to be the only burden holder.

Last year I took the kids and moved out of the country near her family and took a job in a place that started causing me to have panic attacks and severe insomnia because I was living about 5 months taking care of 2 kids by myself working full-time. I found my management was impractical and I just kept getting worse on sleep for weeks except for the weekend I would get zero to 3 hours of sleep. After about 5 month my wife finally moved and I was excited to see her as well as the kids. Any by this time I had an mania episode where I did not sleep for a week my mind raced and I would lay in bed staring at the ceiling. My panic attacks got worse at work as it effected my whole body rapid breathing, fast heart, shaking, and etc.

I finally went to the doctor at my work for something to help me sleep. He gave me diazepam I took 10 mg and I slept like I can't remember when. At that point I knew something more was going on so I asked my wife to make an appoint with a neurologist. I saw him and then he sent me to a psychiatrist who started giving me medication to help with depression and panic attacks. I have been seeking this Dr. 8 months now the first diagnosis he gave me was panic attacks. Later on he told me major/mild depression. However, all the antidepressant that he ever gave me sent me into hypomania or mixed episodes yet still he near said I have bipolar. I told my wife that with the new medication he put on Clozapine would require weekly blood tests. Up to this point my wife says everything is in my head if I did not need medication before why should I need it or take it now. I believe because I was having mixed episode with the antidepressants that caused psychosis is the reason he gave me Clozapine and klonopin together to help me sleep and I can say it has worked. I don't feel as irritable and more refreshed.

I am not sure how to get my wife to understand why I take the medication and how different I feel even though she may not see or understand the difference that is going on inside my mind. Does anyone have advice to make the situation more positive. I work on helping with our kids home work to take some of the feeling of burden for her. While still my need to see a psychiatrist without feeling guilty.

Can you bring her in to meet your doctor so he can help explain this to her? It's possible, too, that after a few weeks/months, she will also notice that you are feeling better. I'm glad you've figured this out - it sounds like you are on a great path for the future

It sounds like you needed medication before as well.

I think that hvert has a good idea.

Ask your wife why she is so set against medication?

If she is embarrased, who needs to know?

Let her know you take them not just for yourself but her and your family's sakes as well.

(my favourite) Point out to her there is no award for not taking the medication. There is no medal for fighting mental illness medication-free

Great idea already mentioned about taking her with you to an appointment.

Finally just what might actually be bothering her; the medication issue or perhaps the fact that you now hvae a label? Is that what she is really struggling with. Taking medication only confirms for her that your illness is real.

Well I agree about taking her to the appointment and I have done so already. She thought it was more less a waste of her time because in her mind the Dr. said exactly what she was telling me. I need to suck it up and change and accept things around me the way they are. I didn't need medication before I should get along now without it as I did then. She thinks I look worse now than I did before the medication especially since she has now seen me in severe mania and depression both. In her opinion, I stay awake more and sleep more on the weekend like I did before the medication. I went for hypnosis therapy because I just desperate not to feel the way I am so that I am better for her and myself of course I thought she was explode like a nuke when I told her that I would need weekly blood tests possibly for my medication then she wanted to know what was wrong with me specifically get it listed down from the doctor. I love her and all her quirks too. I just want her to be happy.

The doctor who prescribed the medication told her that you do not need medication?