Loves me but won't commit?

FireIsland123 · Dec 05, 2015, 04:59 PM

Oh my. I wish people would stop badgering you. I believe people are sincere in their desire to help, but I think the point has been made.

ChipperMonkey · Dec 05, 2015, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FireIsland123

Oh my. I wish people would stop badgering you. I believe people are sincere in their desire to help, but I think the point has been made.

I think people are just trying to help. That's all.

divine1966 · Dec 05, 2015, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

I think people are just trying to help. That's all.

Exactly

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

kireru · Dec 06, 2015, 01:38 AM

I can understand your confusion and your hopefulness at this young age.
Everybody starts life with relations and friendships discovering dysfunctional patterns and roles .
It is ok for you to think romantic and innocent at this age and posting here means that you understand that something does not fit in this situation.
5 years it is enough time ,more than enough for you and for him to realize that the only change is going to come when someone "breaks" the triangle.
He is got the message from you that you can tolerate this situation for a long time so he won't change it.
You have to speak out for yourself , he made clear his boundaries ...but where are yours?
Love means that you are both committed and try to make it work for both of you.
Take your time to feel stronger ,talk to someone that you would feel safe , a therapist , and break free ...you deserve better and more...

Kp15 · Dec 06, 2015, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

Your thinking is that if you hold on long enough, he will tire of her and their seeming dysfunctionality and then he will leave her and commit to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Does he say he loves you? Does he live with either you or his ex?

My father died when I was 12 and I have big time issues with men, which started in high school. Maybe I can help you.

BTW- My friend says "If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have problems with it." lol

He does say that he loves me and I believe him. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think a man who was just using me for sex would take me to church with him on a regular, allow me to be around his family, drop everything he is doing for me when need be, spend 6-7 days out of a week with me, etc.

Kp15 · Dec 06, 2015, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daphnelover

I think you should be very honest with him. Tell him you are serious about making things work, but you are afraid that he will never leave his ex and make a commitment to you. Tell him that if that's never going to happen, he needs to tell you because you are both wasting your time. Maybe ask him what it is that she is providing for him. Why can't he let it go? Sitting there hoping he leaves her isn't accomplishing anything except making you frustrated with the situation. Just get it all out on the table. You don't have to give him an ultimatum, just be truthful and ask that he do the same. At least you'll have some answers or understand the situation better. THEN you can decide whether its worth hanging on or if it's time to let go.

Thank you! I think it's past due that I speak up and tell him how I feel as well as get understanding from him and make a decision from there.