So I have a bit of a dilemma and could use some advice. The guy that I'm seeing says that I'm kind of cheesy and that he doesn't need to respond to every cheesy thing I say. Basically, I'm a very guarded person and I am afraid of getting hurt in relationships. When I say cheesy things it's because I am unable to read the other person and I'm looking for reassurance. Is this something that I just need to overcome? Or should I be with someone who is willing to give me that reassurance? When I text him (which isn't very often, we exchange maybe 10-20 texts per day) he says that sometimes he doesn't feel like stopping what he's doing to text me back. Understandable. Everyone gets busy. But it's not like I'm sending him a whole bunch of texts or texting every 5 seconds until he responds. I'm pretty laid back in that sense. I just wonder if I can make it work with someone like this or if I need to be with someone more attentive and reassuring. Thoughts? In my past relationships, it seems like the ones who are good at reassuring are scumbags and I end up getting hurt in the end. The type of guys who just tell me what I want to hear

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Well not all reassuring guys are scum bags. If you can hold back on texting him so often then you'll be fine. But if you're constantly looking for reassurance and he's not doing it then you might always be searching. I know I'm a over doer myself but I can usually tell when my bf is trying to cut it short so I TRY and back off. He's never told me it's too much though. However if he called my texts cheesy I'd probably get a little pissed lol

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It wasn't the texts that he called cheesy. He's leaving for 3 weeks so we were spending time together and it was something I said, looking for reassurance because I can't gauge how he feels, was cheesy

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Well not all reassuring guys are scum bags. If you can hold back on texting him so often then you'll be fine. But if you're constantly looking for reassurance and he's not doing it then you might always be searching. I know I'm a over doer myself but I can usually tell when my bf is trying to cut it short so I TRY and back off. He's never told me it's too much though. However if he called my texts cheesy I'd probably get a little pissed lol

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 150mgs
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 600mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

[divine1966]

That's kind of rude! Call you cheezy ( unless he was just teasing you) As about texts 20 texts are a lot.

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20 texts between the two of us seems like a lot but it's really not. "Hey, how's it goin?" "Good, you?" "Good" "what are you up to?".... That's 4 right there....
And unfortunately, he wasn't teasing. And he never ended up leaving that evening because the one beer with his buddy before leaving turned into a night of drinking....

Originally Posted by divine1966

That's kind of rude! Call you cheezy ( unless he was just teasing you) As about texts 20 texts are a lot.

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[ChipperMonkey]

hmmm. Can you explain more about exactly what he was saying was cheesy? How did you look for reassurance?

[Trippin2.0]

What kind if reassurance are you seeking? Do you seek it often?, because I get the distinct impression (re:scumbags) that this is not just about him being away.


My suggestion?

Be direct, straightforward, blunt....

Because whatever it is you're doing is currently open to interpretation. i.e cheesy, and thus not working.


On the other hand, if you simply are being cheesy, that's how u do things and you're not interested in changing it , (IDK I wasn't there) then accept that you're kinda cheesy, and work with it.

I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but he had made a comment about staying longer than he was supposed to. He was going to leave me at 8 to meet his friend but didn't end up leaving until 8:30 and I said "but totally worth it..." And that's when he said "I don't need to respond to every cheesy thing you say."....
And then he ended up drinking all night with some friends and didn't even leave town until the next day.

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

hmmm. Can you explain more about exactly what he was saying was cheesy? How did you look for reassurance?

Usually I just assume they're interested until they give me proof otherwise. So it's not like I was all "do you like me?" "Do I look fat in this?" "What do you like about me?". So I don't feel like I was overdoing it with the yearning for reassurance or cheesiness. I typed the conversation in the response to the previous post.

But I spoke to him yesterday and told him that I think we should take a break while he's gone and he agreed. We haven't had enough time to get to know each other or to build mutual trust for that kind of commitment.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

What kind if reassurance are you seeking? Do you seek it often?, because I get the distinct impression (re:scumbags) that this is not just about him being away.


My suggestion?

Be direct, straightforward, blunt....

Because whatever it is you're doing is currently open to interpretation. i.e cheesy, and thus not working.


On the other hand, if you simply are being cheesy, that's how u do things and you're not interested in changing it , (IDK I wasn't there) then accept that you're kinda cheesy, and work with it.

[Trippin2.0]

I don't think what you said was cheesy, and IMO he was actually rude in his response to you.

[eskielover]

I think "cheesy" might be the wrong term????

Why when you are first getting to know someone are you asking for reassurance? Sounds like some level of insecurity on your part. I think you were wise to take a break while he is gone if you really haven't known each other that long for a commitment like that to be appropriate.

I still think 20 texts even short stuff is a lot especially if mostly initiated by you.

Hmmmm he spent the night drinking with friends....that would be a HUGE red flag for me. Didn't do what he said & was planning because of drinking. What happens when it's something with or for you he doesn't do for the same reason? Do you really want someone like that closely touching your life?.... Just something more to really think about IMO.

[ChipperMonkey]

I'd kind of be insulted by the "cheesy" line. I mean if I was just trying to get to know a guy and he gave me that sort of response. I have a feeling this might be a way of pushing you away. And there's always the possibility that he's just not right for you. I mean if you say cutesy things that he thinks are cheesy.....yeah, this is going to get old eventually (for you). No woman wants to be told she's being cheesy when trying to get close to a guy. JMHO.

[divine1966]

He is just rude in my opinion. And he probably isn't very interested. I don't know how serious you two are but I'd reconsider saying this rude guy

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[TishaBuv]

I thought the "cheesy" line you said was cute, and I might have said the same thing. Yeah, if he really liked you and was right for you he would have agreed you were totally worth it. I'm glad to hear you backed off from him. He sounds like he's really just a mean drunk.

I'm not usually an insecure person. It's just because I couldn't read him. I usually assume someone is interested until they prove differently.

As for the 20 texts, I may be overestimating since I never actually counted but they weren't all initiated by me and I never sent two in a row, it was an exchange.

Originally Posted by eskielover

I think "cheesy" might be the wrong term????

Why when you are first getting to know someone are you asking for reassurance? Sounds like some level of insecurity on your part. I think you were wise to take a break while he is gone if you really haven't known each other that long for a commitment like that to be appropriate.

I still think 20 texts even short stuff is a lot especially if mostly initiated by you.

Hmmmm he spent the night drinking with friends....that would be a HUGE red flag for me. Didn't do what he said & was planning because of drinking. What happens when it's something with or for you he doesn't do for the same reason? Do you really want someone like that closely touching your life?.... Just something more to really think about IMO.

[healingme4me]

I took, 'but worth it...' to be cute and flirtatious.

Sounds like the beginning of a relationship where he'd be prone to pick fights. Those were warring words, in my opinion.

Yeah, you stayed an extra thirty minutes, but it was worth it ;D

Have fun, see 'ya later....

Him:yeah..alright, I'll catch up with you later. (Not...I don't want your stinking cutness...wham bam...)

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