[qwertykeyboard]

Ive been with the bf for a while now. Everything has gotten almost too 'comfortable': seeing each other, sex, whatever. We don't do anything fun anymore and quite frankly he's pretty boring. there have also been some things that have come up that i know he's probably not right for me in the end.

but in the end we have been seeing each other for a while and i do love him. i am not sure how my life would be without him. but i'm not sure if it's without specifically HIM or if i just cant imagine my life without a consistent, comfortable partner in crime.

has anyone else had experience with this situation? Do you end it or keep it going to stay comfortable? How do you end it? I just dont know how to end things like this - how do you just end seeing someone and end communication with them? was it the right decision?

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by qwertykeyboard

Ive been with the bf for a while now. Everything has gotten almost too 'comfortable': seeing each other, sex, whatever. We don't do anything fun anymore and quite frankly he's pretty boring. there have also been some things that have come up that i know he's probably not right for me in the end.

but in the end we have been seeing each other for a while and i do love him. i am not sure how my life would be without him. but i'm not sure if it's without specifically HIM or if i just cant imagine my life without a consistent, comfortable partner in crime.

has anyone else had experience with this situation? Do you end it or keep it going to stay comfortable? How do you end it? I just dont know how to end things like this - how do you just end seeing someone and end communication with them? was it the right decision?

There's a big difference between comfort and boring/not fun IMO. I am extremely comfortable with my boyfriend of over a year, but he is not boring and we have a lot of fun whenever we are together. Love is great but it is not the only thing needed to make a relationship work/last. You say that you know he's probably not right for you, you have to trust your gut on those kinds of things. If you're unhappy, and it's not something that you can fix about the relationship, then it might be time to move on. How long is "a while?"

When I read your post I immediately thought of this article I read the other day:
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-mistakes-that-are-built-into-your-brain/

"Sunk Cost Fallacy – Why You Just Can’t Give Up on Things You Should Give Up On
In the sunk cost fallacy, we use past decisions to justify irrational current decisions. Basically, we justify putting more time/effort/money into something because we have done so in the past, despite the fact that evidence indicates continuing the decision will outweigh future rewards. Sunk cost isn’t just a hyper persistent behavior, but rather persistence in the face of certain overwhelming evidence of potential future failure. Think of a relationship, one that you shouldn’t be in. I’m sure many of you have experienced that. How many times have you seen two people together and thought ‘why the hell are they together?’ It’s pretty hard to pull the plug on something that you’ve spent so much time in, especially if you still hold an irrational hope that things will change. The same goes with a job that you’ve done for years. You feel hesitant and scared to try something new. You’ve already spent so much time working hard; you can’t just leave now."

[ChipperMonkey]

Maybe you should talk to him about this?

What are the other red flags that have popped up?

[Trippin2.0]

I've been in those shoes yes, while the relationship wasn't serious, I was in love with him at some point, or maybe the idea of him, who knows, but I ended things.


Good decision, because I knew we were not long term material, even though he was indulging in future speak. Our fundamentals / values were just too different. For example, his definition of cheating was different to mine.


The split was amicable, we remained friends, he got married, moved abroad, and now I see him from time to time when he visits his family.


Sometimes, like in these situations, you just have to do what has to be done, its best for everyone at the end of the day.

[lunatic soul]

After half year with my bf I feel bored with him and having arguments very often. I feel safe and comfortable with him and attached to him but I doubt about our future. Sometimes it seems I just dont want to be alone and need someone who loves me so Im in relationship with him. I cheated on my bf and slept with another man because Im bored at sex with bf.
If you truly love him then talk to him about your feelings etc. If he is just a person not to be alone..I dont know.. maybe stay with him until you meet someone else? Or maybe take a break from him and you will see if you miss him or not.

Examine your needs.

How old are you both, do you want kids, do you have interests in common? etc

I don't love that many people. Is it easy for you to have relationships?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

.....I dont know.. maybe stay with him until you meet someone else?....

Idk if its just me or not, but from my observations women/girls do this alot, and I find it extremely unfair toward the men they're with.


Imagine being blindsided by a breakup only to realize your gf or wife had been planning it for months, cruelty is what I call that.

I mean I get that there are circumstances which makes an instant exit impossible, like abuse, financial difficulties, children, but not wanting to be alone, and essentially using your partner, are not extenuating circumstances.

If you don't want to be with someone anymore, say so and move on. Don't string them along until something better knocks on your door.