[survivalw/opurpose]

I'm new here, just seeking advice from others who have been through similar problems.

I was in a relationship for three years with a girl I loved very deeply. It ended in 2012, and a few months after we separated, my father who was a drug addict for 15 years overdosed and died. I naively thought my ex, who was also my dearest friend, would be there for me in such circumstances and she of course was not. This chain of events caused me to fall into a deep depression and also I began to suffer from panic attacks in the middle of the night in the midst of sleep. I sought out seeing a therapist and psychiatrist who prescribed me anti-depressants (venlafaxine). In the years since, I've recovered superficially, in that I have a decent job I enjoy and a very nice apartment and living situation. However, I have dated very little and only had a couple hookups which mostly were the result of alcohol. The panic attacks are less frequent but the depression has been ongoing and unwavering, its gotten very heavy and I am still completely in love with my ex and totally heartbroken, whom I've only seen a handful of times since our breakup. She is still the first thing I think of in the morning and before I shut my eyes at night, I have tried to force myself to be interested in other women but nothing has worked. I haven't had so much as a crush on anyone, obviously I am sexually attracted to lots of women but none romantically whatsoever. I've written to her telling her how I feel and she has told me to move on and that she no longer loves me. I've respected her wishes (sans a few drunk dials), but in general I have had tremendous difficulty moving on. I do not click with any women, mostly because I think my depression causes me to appear unattractive, despite the fact that in the last few years I actually have gotten into decent shape working out, eating super healthy and actually look a lot better than I ever did when I was with my ex. I've tried online dating to no avail. My social life has dwindled and I've become pretty reclusive but I've recently started to put myself back out there but no such luck so far. I'm at a loss as to what to do about all of it, some days I feel like the world has been turned completely upside down. It's like I woke up one day, my ex left me and my dad died and everything continues to consistently go wrong for me. I never knew life could take such a downward turn but that is my reality right now. Any advice from people on here would be appreciated.

[ChipperMonkey]

I'm sorry you ended up in such a fair weathered relationship. I don't have any advice but I wish you the best.

[Rose3]

I'm sorry that your relationship ended, and that your father died. It takes time to get over a loss, and you've had several losses. Was the therapist or the psychiatrist of some help for you? That's great that you have been able to experience some enjoyment (in your job, and your apartment) - so this is hopeful. Would it be helpful, even a little helpful, the think of your love for your ex in terms of your appreciation of her time with you? And then for you to understand that sometimes a person leaves unexpectedly from your life, and these are beyond our control. So - appreciate that she was in your life, and appreciate that you can experience love. And maybe learn about the stages of grieving - figure out where you're at. And accept that this is your current experience, and that it'll take time to move on. Sounds like you want to meet others. Maybe there are some other ways to meet people. Instead of saying that "everything" "consistently" goes wrong for you - try to change what you're saying to yourself - instead of saying everything goes wrong - try to say sometimes things could be going better, and think of some ways to get things going better. When you feel like the world has turned upside down - I will agree that sometimes it feels like this - so let the dust settle when this thought enters your mind, and find some positives. Even when things feel toppled over, realize that you have the personal power to re-build something better. It's a positive step for you to come to this forum. And to ask for advice from us. Keep posting.

[Permacultural]

hey, at least you got a roof over your head and food in your belly every night. money coming in whenever you get paid, that's good. you're starting over. its normal to be in a lull and be depressed when you're starting over.

it took me a good 2 years of being completely on my own after a bad break-up to finally feel somewhat comfortable and have a semi-positive outlook (which is always a challenge with the mental and behavioral stuff i deal with).

the only advice i can give you is what i learned by doing: get yourself organized, do some soul searching, and get into a routine. take some chances by doing 1 thing a week that is a little bit different. The thing i did once a week was physically go to the public library. The next week I would sit in a public square and listen to music and pretend to read a book.. i just people watched. I sorta got out of my comfort zone.