How to know if you are being ignored

How many times would you contact someone who didn't reply back?

If you send someone an email, they don't respond, then you follow up with a text and they still don't respond even after 2 months. Isn't it the case they got at least one of those messages, and just didn't care enough to respond?

I've been told to just keep sending messages to the person, but that seems like harassment to me. I don't want to harass someone with constant messages if they are not replying. That is not me and I don't do that.

If someone doesn't respond to you one time then 99% chance you are being ignored. If it's like an email and not something they might have missed like on instant messenger.

If you send them a second message then it's a just-in-case courtesy for them that you were not obligated to do. If they don't respond to that one then 100% chance they are ignoring it.

Any reason why this person would be ignoring you? If not, no need to jump to conclusions, right? Maybe something horrible happened to them. Maybe they had a stalking ex and had to change their email address and phone number. How about trying to phone them, or even see them in person?

Hello specialneedsmom: In this situation I might be inclined to send a note by "snail-mail"(assuming you know the person's mailing address) just saying that I had e-mailed & texted & just wanted to make sure that they had received my messages. Then if I didn't hear anything, I'd let it go. If I didn't know the person's mailing address, I might try one more e-mail or text, but then I would drop it. I think you're correct. Continuing to e-mail / text, with no reply, at some point begins to look like harassment.

But they didn't even bother to let specialneedsmom know they were changing their email address? And their phone number? Something terrible happened 2 months ago, but they haven't gotten in touch yet? Like maybe if they died or are in a coma. You seem like a sweetheart who is good at playing devil's advocate (nothing wrong with that), but I have the perspective of the devil (lol). I would bet dollars to doughnuts she is being ignored and hope she protects her dignity.

But she never mentioned anything about being really close friends with this person, right? If they were, then yes that's not nice. BUT, imagine if something horrible did happen and she was in need of a friend and you gave up on her; I would feel so bad. I'm not saying you should obsess about trying to figure out what's happened, but I don't think jumping to conclusions is the right thing to do.

CopperStar, I know, our brains are quite different I'm totally aware that she could be ignoring her, but at this point she can't know that for sure. I don't see it as losing dignity, it's giving someone the benefit of the doubt. If it turns out she is being ignored, fine ...but at least she will know for sure, right?

Thanks. That pretty much confirms what I thought. I was afraid people would say I should keep giving them chances and keep trying to contact them.

I have my fair share of dysfunctions. I've gotten better over the years, mainly in ways where I did not want to be an a-hole and realized I was being an a-hole in some ways.

But taking an honest trip back in time here, if someone does not wish to speak to you anymore, they will tell you. They will communicate it in some form. If someone needs to do something like change their email address, they will give you a heads up, like they do for everyone else on their contacts list (minus our hypothetical stalker character).

But when someone just ignores your emails and texts, it means that for whatever reason out of multiple possibilities, they don't want to talk to you, but they do want to keep seeing proof that you value them / miss them / consider them worth throwing your dignity away for / etc. It's very selfish and rude behavior, even if the person doing it doesn't see it that way yet. They might someday, I eventually realized I was being a selfish arse, but until / if that happens, you deserve better.

I agree. That's why I did not keep contacting this person. I didn't want this person to be flattered by thinking someone valued her enough to keep trying to get a response.

But people don't use email to keep in touch anymore. I don't contact anyone using email (outside of a few online friends, and that's the only way they have to contact me so its a bit different than my IRL friends).

OP I think you should try to contact your friend one more time. I'm all for the rule of 2's when dealing with communications. That is, send 2 texts or 2 messages without getting a response and then stop and wait for a response. However, when you're dealing with a larger time frame (2 months) this rule falls apart. I think if it gets to the point of not hearing from a long term friend for a few months, then its ok to contact them again. At this point I'd advise emailing this person and telling them that you're a bit worried about them because you haven't heard from them in awhile, and let them know you're there for them if they need anything, but there's no pressure. Hopefully your friend will respond, but if not, at least you'll know you tried to keep the friendship afloat. If the other person isn't doing their share, you really have no choice but to move on. I don't agree with the constant messaging thing. That's annoying and if it goes too far it can bridge over to harassment.

So instead of fighting to keep a friendship alive, you're more afraid of flattering someone by trying to contact her multiple times? I don't think this is what friendship is about TBH. It doesn't sound like this person was a close friend, or even much beyond an acquaintance. I know I'd fight to keep a good friend in my life, especially if I didn't know the reason why they're incommunicado.

This response seems a bit like a put down. You don't want this person to think that someone values her? (Stuff like this is why I gravitate toward friendships with men. They don't think like this usually.)

I'd try to get in touch with a mutual contact to make sure they are ok. Might be in the hospital, may have moved, changed numbers/email, or heck the email could go in the spam folder that few people check anymore.

I have ignored people who have sent me 2 or messages. I am bipolar and sometimes just don't respond. I don't do it to be mean. I just isolate.

Is this a possibility?

I wouldn't automatically say the person is avoiding you. There could be extenuating circumstances.

They aren't dead because I see this person regularly at my daughter's school. Also, they didn't change their phone number or email address, because they listed the same ones in the student directory this year.

Unfortunately, I have to see this person almost all the time, and its very awkward. But I don't talk to her or even try to.

I suppose that's a possibility. I see this person often, but never see her talking to anyone. So maybe her personality is to be avoidant. I am not sure.

I do not know this person well as a "good friend". This is not a post about a friendship gone bad. Our daughters are friends. These people live just a few houses away from us - very close. We know most of our neighbors. However, even with good friends, I would not fight to keep things going. If you have to "fight", as you put it, to keep someone in your life, that sounds like the mentality of a stalker or someone who can't let go. Just my opinion. If the other person is no longer interested, then so be it. I do NOT have to sacrifice my personal dignity to keep bugging them or begging them to talk to me. Anyone who wants me to do that is not worth my time. But I would prefer them to at least tell me that they are not interested, rather than duck and hide. I am not really interested in going over reasons why she did not contact me back.

But it's not about you... unless you actually did something horrible to this person.

Anyway, you hear about this sort of thing happening all the time. I think you're right to let it go and move on

I couldn't have done anything to her, as I don't know her that well. Its possible she doesn't like my daughter for some reason. Who knows, who cares. I feel like I dodged a bullet. I got to know another woman a while back, who stopped talking to me after I would not give her money. I'm glad she's gone, in retrospect. I suspect she probably had drug or alcohol problems.