[lunatic soul]

Would you date man who is 20 years older than you, for example you are 20 and he is 40, or you are 30 and he is 50?
Have you ever did it?

My friend did it but for me it seems unnatural because its my father's age but I would date/have dated 10 years older man and its okay for me. I would like to hear other opinions.

[JustJenny]

If real feelings are involved - 20 years is not a great deal imo.

A 20 year old dating a 40 year old is disgusting to me. I can only think he/she is being taken advantage of by the older. They have no life experience and I would suggest they would be missing out a great deal. The thought of what the older person wants from the relationship also I find questionalbe.

But... I do not find any problem with the two being older, with both having life experience behind them - like 40/60. The younger one will have some independence, a greater sense of self, and I believe a better chance of being equal in the relationship.

Yes, there are many who will argue with me but that is just my feelings on the matter.

[divine1966]

I don't really care but in general I am personally not attracted to 70- year-olds. I am 50 and so is my fiancée.

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[ladytiger]

I am almost 30 and I have been immensely attracted to guys in their 40s now that I am opening up. When I was younger, I had attractions towards them but didn't act on it at all. I have a 42 yr old male friend who I wouldn't mind dating if he didn't have kids wouldn't mind being fwbs with him.

I am sticking to 30s and 40s for me.

[Sparkles4me]

it depends on the overall appearance and attitude of the older person. For ex. if he's fun, exciting, physically fit, smart and has a sense of humor, then it may not make a difference.

but if the older person is apparently "old".. slow moving, not sharp, out of shape..aging quickly... then i would definitely say.. it can't possibly be a match, unless the younger person has an "old" soul too..after all age is nothing but a number.. Im 46 but EVERYONE i meet and know thinks that I'm 28..to 30..I look young and I get along with all ages,,genetics, i guess.

[healingme4me]

I think it depends? The largest age difference, for myself, in relationships has been 12 years older than me. It's been a relatively non issue in my life.

Is there someone in your life that leads you to ask this question?

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[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I think it depends? The largest age difference, for myself, in relationships has been 12 years older than me. It's been a relatively non issue in my life.

Is there someone in your life that leads you to ask this question?

Yes but our age difference bothers me.

[eskielover]

At my age I would want a partner, don't want to be a care giver of an 80+ year old.

I never wanted to date an older guy anyway because I wanted to grow together....turned out he never grew up anyway...but there was a reason for that I had no knowledge of nor did anyone else at the time

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

Yes but our age difference bothers me.

Hopefully not because of what others might think or state?

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[annabellacat]

It's not my thing. But,if you want to,go for it. Just realize some people will judge you,and there may be some differences from the big age gap. From my experience,guys don't really ever "grow up." They all play games. I've dated guys up to about 7 years older then me and the guy I'm currently talking to is about two years younger then me. There's some slight differences from just being from a different time being born but that's it. I have no preference with age. Well,actually,I kinda like when they're closest to my age because then there seems to be a common ground thing from same interests and knowing of things from being born the same time. Like,say a certain way of being back when we were pre-teens will make sense or something.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Hopefully not because of what others might think or state?

No. I dont know why it disturbs me, maybe it reminds me my father and then it becomes disgusting. I wish I thought he is younger, then I would date him.
My T told me- he could be your father. But as you know my T is not really normal and I would see another T to talk about my relationship issues.
But its annoying that Ts dont give advice or tell their opinions.
My friend told me he is pretty, I showed her his pics but it was the same friend who had relationship with older man so he thinks its okay. I dont have much friends I can trust to talk about it.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

No. I dont know why it disturbs me, maybe it reminds me my father and then it becomes disgusting. I wish I thought he is younger, then I would date him.
My T told me- he could be your father. But as you know my T is not really normal and I would see another T to talk about my relationship issues.
But its annoying that Ts dont give advice or tell their opinions.
My friend told me he is pretty, I showed her his pics but it was the same friend who had relationship with older man so he thinks its okay. I dont have much friends I can trust to talk about it.

I'm not sure how you'd even overcome that nagging thought of him reminding you of your own father.

I take it, your father was 20 when you were born?

Sorry your therapist isn't what you need, I was unaware of your struggles.

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[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I'm not sure how you'd even overcome that nagging thought of him reminding you of your own father.

I take it, your father was 20 when you were born?

Sorry your therapist isn't what you need, I was unaware of your struggles.

No my father is older but that fact that this guy could be my father... Then I remember how my own father cheated on my mother with a woman my age and it seemed so disgusting like he f*** his daughter, maybe thats why I have feelings like this.
I was really disappointed when he told me how old he is. Im trying to understand is that real issue or only in my head.

[TishaBuv]

I was going to tell you a story about me at 19 and a 42 year-old predator, but... Listen to your instincts and don't date him girl!

[junkDNA]

i dated a man 20 years older than me, but he was also my therapist and i was being taken advantage of.

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

Yes but our age difference bothers me.

Well that's all that matters.

Some people are comfortable dating someone who is older/younger. Others are not.

Me, personally, I don't want to date someone more than 5 years older or 10 years younger. I actually prefer younger as these guys aren't "settled down" and set in their ways yet. I'm in a similar place in life to them vs guys my own age since I've had some setbacks in life and am still in school, working on my education, etc. Guys my own age or older tend to already have kids (and I don't want to be low on the priority list), many are divorced, etc.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

No my father is older but that fact that this guy could be my father... Then I remember how my own father cheated on my mother with a woman my age and it seemed so disgusting like he f*** his daughter, maybe thats why I have feelings like this.
I was really disappointed when he told me how old he is. Im trying to understand is that real issue or only in my head.

With a life experience like that, it's not uncommon to be a bit more guarded and on high alert.

With that in mind, is there more to it with him, at that moment he told you his age? Is it the way he said it? How long have you known him?

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[Webgoji]

Personally, if two people are dating I'm not going to begrudge them an age difference. There are a lot more important things in the world.

Personally I would never date woman to whom I was separated by that wide a margin. For example, I was just talking to a young man out on the floor and he has never seen the original Cannonball Run. When I made a reference to Barbara Bach and the Lambo, he had no idea what I was talking about. "You wouldn't have a a license in there for me would you hot pants?" It seems like such a huge age difference makes some communication ... awkward?

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I was going to tell you a story about me at 19 and a 42 year-old predator, but... Listen to your instincts and don't date him girl!

Maybe you can pm me? If you want to and tell me about it?

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

With a life experience like that, it's not uncommon to be a bit more guarded and on high alert.

With that in mind, is there more to it with him, at that moment he told you his age? Is it the way he said it? How long have you known him?

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He asked me my age and was worried he is much older then me and that I wouldnt like him because of this. I said its okay to not make him feel bad but I was disappointed.
I know him for a month so I can say I dont know him yet and Im not sure I want to. I think I dont want anything serious now and our communication is more like sex chat, I enjoy it but really doubt I would do it in real life. He lives in another city and we both work very much and have met for two times but texting everyday- at day about anything, at night about sex.
You would say its horrible, I say it doesnt do anything bad to me if we have conversations like that because I enjoy it. Im not looking for boyfriend.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

He asked me my age and was worried he is much older then me and that I wouldnt like him because of this. I said its okay to not make him feel bad but I was disappointed.
I know him for a month so I can say I dont know him yet and Im not sure I want to. I think I dont want anything serious now and our communication is more like sex chat, I enjoy it but really doubt I would do it in real life. He lives in another city and we both work very much and have met for two times but texting everyday- at day about anything, at night about sex.
You would say its horrible, I say it doesnt do anything bad to me if we have conversations like that because I enjoy it. Im not looking for boyfriend.

I wouldn't say it's horrible. Each individual on this planet does what's best for them, ya know? If your eyes are wide open, it is what it is. Seems to me, that you are thinking this through. If it helps you find answers, yourself, resolves things, hey, why not?

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[avlady]

i don't see anything wrong with dating someone 10 years older than me. looking back i maybe would have stuck with someone who was. they are more experienced in the world and can be good providers sometimes.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I wouldn't say it's horrible. Each individual on this planet does what's best for them, ya know? If your eyes are wide open, it is what it is. Seems to me, that you are thinking this through. If it helps you find answers, yourself, resolves things, hey, why not?

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The point is that it seems he would like to do it in real life but I dont know. If he were younger I would do it. Now we dont have a time and place so I have a time to think about it.
Im gonna see new therapist after two weeks so I hope it will help me to understand myself. I dont know what I want, Im splitted because I like him but dislike his age. Maybe when I will know him better I will understand do I want this. As I said if he were younger I would go for it. The only thing that stops me is that he is much older then me.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

Maybe you can pm me? If you want to and tell me about it?

It's alright, I'll tell you in hopes it may help you now.

He was my dad's best friend. He made himself an inseparable member of my family. I lived at home and worked for my parents, so we were a foursome. We joked that we called him Uncle. He only liked extremely young women. The Peter Pan Syndrome my mother called it. He and I had a friendship away from my parents, too. He was a very good looking local entertainer, so being with him was fun and glamorous. Behind my parent's back it became romantic, initiated by him. Then we had sex one time. I did it because he was convinced he was dying (long story). I thought it was pretty gross and never wanted to do it again. He wanted to tell my parents we were in love and marry me. I knew that in only a few years he would be a very old man and I would not want him anyway, I didn't want to hurt my parents like that by betraying them over their friend, and I did not have real feelings for him or want him sexually-- dirty old man!

I had such low self esteem! Looking back I wonder why I wasted my time with any of these guys. If only I had put my efforts into my career instead!

Why are you sex talking with some dirty old man anyway? You're not dating. Dating is when a guy takes you out somewhere in person. You deserve better.