[annabellacat]

After being rude to me after a weird fight this guy who has liked me,I let it go and stopped talking to him. Okay,then he texts me the next night and has the nerve to ask when we are getting together so I told him everytime i think it's fine,he does something to show me otherwise. So,he seemed really calm and said let's just meet up for drinks and see what happens and if we hate each other,we never have to see each other again and if we like each other,we can move forward to being a couple,kissing,etc. He said he wants to put the past behind us and start fresh and consider this our first date since last time he wasn't sure i liked him and he said he will have no expectations. He seemed very nice sending lots of smile faces but being a little distant,too which made sense since we had texted a lot and it's been overwhelming. I had thought maybe he had time to think about things and he came to his senses. He said he will try to let me tomorrow where we will meet when I told him not to let me know at the last minute when i told him what day we can meet up. Then,I felt ok. This afternoon,I decided to text him just to text and just said hey. He didn't respond until after 10 and then said he was at a movie and asked what's up. I just said not much and have been busy today and catching up on work things. He just replied ah,gotcha and that's it. So,now somehow it seems like he is messing around. Like,maybe he found someone else in the last few days. I just don't understand. He is the one who really wanted me all this time so I don't know if he is just playing games to get back at me,if he found someone else during one of the days we were fighting and is just trying to play me and keep me around,too or if he just is being distant because of all the drama and negativity too because he doesn't want another fight to start and mess up our chances of hanging out. I can't picture him just flaking. He's been too excited to see me in the past.I think part of it is he is keeping a distance until we meet because he has said that in the past that he rather talk to me in person because of how things get in text. But,i also feel he found someone else. I don't know how much of a player he really is or how much success he even has. i do know if i was more confident and have been going out more,i wouldn't even care but i've been so cooped up and feeling friendless that if the one person i've been talking to is messing around,that makes me feel awful and powerless. I was the one in power the first time we had our date. But,now that i actually am in a lower place and like him a little bit,i worry the dynamics have changed.

[ChipperMonkey]

I think you're reading too much into the situation. There could be a million and one reasons as to why the guy isn't texting you, yet your mind automatically goes to thinking that he has a problem with you or that he's messing with you.

Why are you assuming that his lack of texting is all about you?

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

I think you're reading too much into the situation. There could be a million and one reasons as to why the guy isn't texting you, yet your mind automatically goes to thinking that he has a problem with you or that he's messing with you.

Why are you assuming that his lack of texting is all about you?

Yeah,once i start to like a guy a little bit,i get insecure. I'm trying to be detached though.

[divine1966]

The guy is bad news from the day one. Rude and inappropriate. He might be not texting for other reasons but he doesn't sound like good dating prospect judging by his previous behaviors. Also you don't want to start friendship or relationship with power struggle. It should be equal

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[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by divine1966

The guy is bad news from the day one. Rude and inappropriate. He might be not texting for other reasons but he doesn't sound like good dating prospect judging by his previous behaviors. Also you don't want to start friendship or relationship with power struggle. It should be equal

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Yeah,i'm just letting go. Whatever happens,happens. I don't think he'll disappear on me. It wouldn't make any sense. And,I do remember he gets bothered by texting me sometimes because he finds me hard to understand sometimes and prefers to just talk in person.And,maybe he is bad news but i really want to see him again in person to be able to read him and to just know for sure. Then,I can decide to let him go or give him a chance.

[Orvel]

Originally Posted by divine1966

The guy is bad news from the day one. Rude and inappropriate. He might be not texting for other reasons but he doesn't sound like good dating prospect judging by his previous behaviors. Also you don't want to start friendship or relationship with power struggle. It should be equal

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I agree. The guy sounds like an a_$_$.

[annabellacat]

Yes,indeed he is a jerk. i don't know why i glossed over the bad signs. Now all the bad things keep coming to mind. I guess because all i've ever known is guys who are jerks. In person when we met,and then our date later on,he seemed so normal in person. It's like it's pretty much just in text,he seems like a jerk. I just don't get what happened but I shouldn't overanalyze,it is pointless.

[annabellacat]

I am very sad now. I thought we would figure things out in person since a lot of miscommunications and not being able to read someone fully in text happens but he's since been mia ever since we agreed to go out this weekend. First he replied back late when i said hey yesterday then today i didn't text and neither did he and i told him the night we talked to make sure not to wait until the last minute to tell me where we will meet. Well,it's now last minute in my book since we had said tomorrow. I feel like guys don't disappear unless they found someone else. Or,incredible mind games some may do..but those are the ones who are more manipulative and red flag imo. We seemed to really patch things up when we made our confirmed plans. He seemed so polite like he really wanted to prove he was a good guy. It's just so weird. But,then again,that's what guys do. Act in bizarre weird behaviors. Part of me thinks he initially gave up on,started working on someone else then they disappeared so he came back to me and then when that person came back,he is now disappearing on me. As if he wanted me but is now stringing ME along..but it's weird because he was pursuing me HARD. For months now,too. Why would he want to chance messing up us going out finally by doing this? He's been desperate for us to hang out. Maybe because i've started feeling a little better since he first came into the picture again,i'm meant to attract a more positive person now. I don't know. It's just crazy confusing.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are hurting.
You are better off. But I know it hurts.

It doesn't mean he found anybody. Or that he did not have somebody all this time and was just playing with you . He did pursue but not in a decent way. Yeah if he wanted to date he would arrange nice date long time ago. I've learned that if a guy pursues you it doesn't mean necessarily that he is a nice guy or that he is even interested in a relationship. He could be s jerk or a player or who knows.

I once had a man pursue me for a long time while it turned out he had a long term girlfriend the whole entire time. Luckily I didn't get involved. But I couldn't comprehend why would he constantly asked to date me?

My therapist says it's pointless trying to figure out what people do and why as you might never know the answer.

It is better to figure out why you do what you do. Like finding out why you attract jerks. Or why everyone you meet is self absorbed and superficial and is a cheater ( from your other thread) and why do you think it's ok to be surrounded by these people? Why your standards are low? I myself went for unavailable guys for years! Therapy helped me to learn and grow. Are you in therapy?

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[annabellacat]

so,this is kind of cute. He texted me today after i texted him in middle of night because i needed someone to talk. Then,he followed up before i replied and said he is still deciding a place so i was annoyed but kind of glad he said something. I then got annoyed by him and he said he is sorry he is still deciding then he said we'll pick a place and meet at so and so time but obvious i was annoyed because he started saying yes or no and i hate that game so i told him straight up. He then said i assume a lot and that he just didn't know what place to pick because he didnt want to choose a ****** place because last time the place i picked was super fancy. He did say this before when we went out that i like the upscale things and he's not as in the loop about the places to go that are in that scene i guess. So,we will see what happens. I told him the place i chose before was not upscale and that i think he is just afraid i would cancel and that he didn't think we would actually meet up this weekend.

Some men (and women) just really like the thrill of the chase.

It has nothing to do with how good you are or how nice you are or how attractive you are or any of those things.

If you act disinterested, he's wanting you.
It you want him, he is not interested any more.

It's tough not to take it personally, I know. Please don't.

I hope I am wrong and that it all works out for you. I just wanted to give you a point of view in case it does not.

[ChipperMonkey]

Well, I think you do assume a lot......

Dollars to donuts this guy is intimidated! A fancy place puts pressure on things to be something "more". Why can't you do something fun and casual? Why do things have to be fancy?

I think you are blaming this guy for not being perfect but are unable to see your own role in the dynamics of this relationship. You leave out key parts in all these posts you make. I am getting the feeling that he's not the big jerk you've painted him to be.

[divine1966]

He was still deciding?

If he planned on having a date this weekend it would be already done. It's Saturday and already weekend.

Don't know if he is a jerk. But he doesn't sound interested. If a man only contacts you in response to your texts ( middle of the night?), and doesn't initiate anything and still didn't decide on a date even though you keep asking, then sure sign he isn't too interested.

Some men are shy and some might be intimidated, my fiancée is shy so understand that but I bet this guy has no real interest in getting to know you/dating. If he didn't want fancy ( and why go fancy if you two don't know each other yet?) he could suggest coffee place. Or he could call. And he doesn't. Heck he went to a movie with someone so he could suggest that with you ( not the best for early dates but better than nothing). Anything. Or just call to ask how you are doing.

Does he expect you to be ready last minute? I am extremely busy. If I don't have a date planned like a week ahead of time or I'll have something else that day. Don't sit around waiting for him.

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[annabellacat]

So,i had him come by last night instead of going out to meet for drinks because that was easier for me(my anxiety condition) last night. He got more attractive. He wasn't mean at all in person. He asked me during our hanging out last night in the early part of the night if i wanted us to go to a movie sometime because i brought up movies randomly and it was really cute how he did it. It was like he was asking me on a date to do something he thought i wanted to do or just as a future date suggestion maybe,idk. I don't know why but movie dates make me swoon maybe because they are so classic. He also brought up the us having a relationship thing asking me what do i want to do about having one and idk somehow it didn't get answered. I got shy and the subject got changed but it was brought up by him basically asking if i wanted to make it official then and there. He brought rum and I had candy at the house. He was cute also because he randomly washed a dish for me out of nowwhere without me asking him to,so he could give me more rum even though there was dishes. He also was very take control with figuring out how to turn the heat off then back on when i got cold and little things like that. I was surprised. I like dominant guys and wasn't sure how dominant he was. He was very classic boyfriend in terms of the taking care of me guy type things. He kept staring at me when he walked in complimenting me. I asked him the next morning what he thought of us hanging out finally and he said it was good and that i'm even more beautiful in person. We did not have sex. He did sleep over and did other things to me though and was a bit forceful. I let him use my shower before he left and before he went in he kept staring at me and looked really happy just noticing me. He wanted me to come in with him and of course I told him no and he just kept looking at me funny like he just thought i was so beautiful and sexy. We kissed a lot as he had his coat on about to walk out the door when he left and that was that. So,we have chemistry and attraction. There was a few slight things,though like he was a bit forceful and it reminded me of a puppy that just would not stop and it took a lot of energy to get him to sometimes and I have been very weak physically lately. Also,while sleeping,he grabbed the middle of my arm in a way that made jump a bit and say ow,but i think it was just the awkward placement and being so tired and that I have a sensitivity about certain parts of my arms being grabbed from past abusive relationships. I think he seemed concerned about that when it happened. It's hard to tell how experienced he really is. I get signs that point me either way to him being lesser experienced side of things and more experienced.My only concerns at this point is if he is going to want to see me again really soon since last time that's what he wanted and it was him rushing to see me again that caused us fights and to not speak for months.I do like to take things slow. I also wasn't sure i liked him back then though. He seemed different this time. More confident. I do like him.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Some men (and women) just really like the thrill of the chase.

It has nothing to do with how good you are or how nice you are or how attractive you are or any of those things.

If you act disinterested, he's wanting you.
It you want him, he is not interested any more.

It's tough not to take it personally, I know. Please don't.

I hope I am wrong and that it all works out for you. I just wanted to give you a point of view in case it does not.

Yeah,i don't think he's like that. I think he got overwhelmed by my texts before because we end up having fights in them. He also told me last night that because in his head he thinks i flake on him all the time,something along the lines of if we meet up,we meet up,if i say no,he's not going to just be fine whatever.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Well, I think you do assume a lot......

Dollars to donuts this guy is intimidated! A fancy place puts pressure on things to be something "more". Why can't you do something fun and casual? Why do things have to be fancy?

I think you are blaming this guy for not being perfect but are unable to see your own role in the dynamics of this relationship. You leave out key parts in all these posts you make. I am getting the feeling that he's not the big jerk you've painted him to be.

I don't think the place I chose before was fancy,though. I'm not sure what key parts i left out. Maybe he isn't a big jerk.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by divine1966

He was still deciding?

If he planned on having a date this weekend it would be already done. It's Saturday and already weekend.

Don't know if he is a jerk. But he doesn't sound interested. If a man only contacts you in response to your texts ( middle of the night?), and doesn't initiate anything and still didn't decide on a date even though you keep asking, then sure sign he isn't too interested.

Some men are shy and some might be intimidated, my fiancée is shy so understand that but I bet this guy has no real interest in getting to know you/dating. If he didn't want fancy ( and why go fancy if you two don't know each other yet?) he could suggest coffee place. Or he could call. And he doesn't. Heck he went to a movie with someone so he could suggest that with you ( not the best for early dates but better than nothing). Anything. Or just call to ask how you are doing.

Does he expect you to be ready last minute? I am extremely busy. If I don't have a date planned like a week ahead of time or I'll have something else that day. Don't sit around waiting for him.

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Well,we planned for friday and i told him i had it in my book and the plan was for drinks so it wasn't like i was waiting for everything. I do believe he had trouble deciding a place. I think he was distant after we confirmed plans because he thinks we fight a lot in text so he wanted to try and keep a distance until we hung out in person. I do know he prefers last minute plans whereas I prefer things more planned out because of my anxiety condition. He drove his bike all the way to me neighborhood which is a bit far,so it was nice to see a guy do that.

[annabellacat]

The only vibes i get are that he likes me a lot,might be somewhat inexperienced,and might be the clingier type. I'm just letting it all play out now. I kind of wish we had kissed only last night,but it's fine. I'm not 18.

[divine1966]

So did he call today? What do you mean he was forceful? Just be careful

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[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by divine1966

So did he call today? What do you mean he was forceful? Just be careful

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He just left an hour ago. Lol. He asked me what i was doing today before i left,and told me what he was up to. I thought about telling him to text me when he comes home but didn't want to seem clingy myself. Honestly,i just seen him and he was at my place a little longer then i wanted so am kinda ah,space now. Lol. He was a little sexually forceful. But,he maybe thought that's the kind of thing i liked. He did ask me if i was ok once or twice last night and this morning when he was getting forceful again and got free from his grip,he said we don't have to do so and so thing. I forgot his exact words. And,i said i know.I think maybe it's an inexperience thing. It's just a feeling i am getting from him.

[annabellacat]

He sent me a text about wanting to get together tonight,but i didn't reply for a variety of reasons.

[divine1966]

Why didn't you reply? Are you interested in dating him?

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[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Why didn't you reply? Are you interested in dating him?

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A variety of reasons. It just felt like the thing to do. I do push guys away. I just feel like I want space now. He was at my place for over 12 hours. I didn't expect him to stay that long but didn't want to be rude. Plus,we went a little further sexually then i had wanted. I just don't want the dynamics to change either where i end up constantly waiting around on him and I think space is healthy for both parties so things don't get like that. He also said in the text asking if i want to come over and i don't. He kind of knows my anxiety issues,too but he probably doesn't really understand them. Next time we go out,i probably want to do something out,out. I'm just still kind of processing things,too. It sucks. I feel like i'm playing games now but i don't know what to do. I do want to date him. I don't want to rush into seeing someone all the time. I never do that. I rather just see him next weekend. Like,talk during the week and if all goes well with us not getting into another argument,then have another date. Since we had drinks the first time,then hung out at my place the 2nd,maybe something different like coffee,food,or a movie,or an activity like an art gallery or something. That would be what i want if things went 100% to my ideal. So,idk. I'm just processing things and trying to have no expectations. I figure also since we were in my neighborhood this time,and a half way point the first time,that next time i'd maybe be willing to do something in his neighborhood just to mix it up,and keep things fresh.

[divine1966]

I agree that you should just date him rather than being in each other place and be sexual that early. I'd recommend date him for few months outside the house without being sexual. No sleep overs either. Take it slow

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[annabellacat]

I texted him this afternoon because i had a bad dream about him. He then asked me what happened to me last night and i just said i dont know then he disappeared for a few hours even though i asked what he was up to and he said he was waiting for me to answer his text but i didnt and it's an easy question so i told him i dont know why i didnt respond and that i just don't trust him and he said it's fine and asked about my dream and then just said it was a weird dream.i am just going to keep working on myself and whatever happens,happens.