What do you think about dating older man?

This is what happened to my own sister. My mother died when she was only 16.
My father wasn't really there for us ,( her , me , my other two brothers were already out of the house , and my other sister.) , because he was too busy with his mistress . He had her on the side for many years but that's another story. Anyway she was approached by a man 20 yrs. older than her. Now I know she absolutely was looking for a father figure and this guy was coming off a divorce. In his first family he had 3 or 4 kids. He swooped down on her like a hawk.

Now I knew damn well what this was about but couldn't touch him because my sister said she liked him. They got married when she turned 18.
He "molded" her to be what he wanted her to be. She went to school to learn something he suggested to her. She successfully completed it. She was and is still now making more money then he ever made. She's so stressed because of the pressure though. They kept upping their lifestyle so now they're in debt.

Now this is the thing. They are still married after about 30 yrs. They have outlasted me and my siblings in not getting divorced. They have a couple of great kids , ( thank God for her ). He has no contact with his previous family. He's now in his late 60's and is a physical wreck and useless. Not only does she work hard but she also cooks for them all the time, cleans the house , does their laundry etc...( very similar to the way my mother was ). Since he is such a physical mess he can't hardly do anything but drive and watch his kids play sports. He's done. She's so stressed but doesn't want to hear it. He's got her so brainwashed over the yrs. He plays both roles , father and husband.

So in one way he seemed good for her but in another I don't think so. Her relationship with her "real" father isn't so great . She doesn't even really know him. And does she even know what her real identity is ?
I honestly don't know what to think. From the outside looking in you would think they're a great couple. But from the inside , I don't know.
I mean if they really love each other then who am I to say anything. What bothers me is him having molded a slave to take care of him. He knows all about her past ,but what does she really know about him ? Whatever he tells her. Maybe it doesn't matter. I was with my wife for over 40 yrs. but didn't really "know" her at all.

I know in some cases younger woman go after older men for financial reasons. But that wasn't the case here.

Who the heck knows what's best for anybody ??

I don't think age matters. My mom is married to someone 20 years younger than her. They met when she was 42 and he was 22. They have been married for 28 years. She was young and great looking at 42 (us 4 kids kept her young). My step dad is 8 years older than me, but has always acted much more mature than his age. In beginning I was 13, so a 22 year old was old to me and it never bothered any of us kids. Of course my mom is slowing down, she's almost 75 now, but acts much younger and looks much younger. My step-dad keeps her young, they have the most loving and respectful relationship I've ever known.
You have to choose for yourself not because of the age, but because of the person they are inside and the person they make you be when you are together.
Good luck!

It's not wrong to date older guys but what you are doing doesn't sound like dating. It is dangerous.

I would be careful sexting people you barely know as it could be used against you, it could be printed out or posted somewhere. If you like the guy go on dates. Different city and jobs shouldn't stop him from taking you out. You can meet half way and keep dates short. Fiancée and I lived 50 miles apart and I work two jobs and he works nights and overtime and our jobs are demanding yet we dated. It wasn't easy to arrange dates but we did. 3 months before even having sex.

We are living together now but it's very recent, after engagement. To all honesty we never even send sexual texts as someone might come across them. We work the type of jobs that if someone comes across such things we would be in major trouble.

I worry that you aren't being careful. If he has time to sext he has time to go out for a walk or a meal or s movie whatever you guys like

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That's a good point the ones who come across like a dad figure. I had many of those approach me a long time ago. When I was 18, I was hanging out with an older guy assuming he was 34 because he said he felt like he was 34 so I thought he was 34. I found out later on, he is 44! The guy had a great sense of humor and we did fool around sexually (not penetrative sex) he ended up having romantic feelings for me but backed away because of the age difference.

So yea, if an older approaches, be mindful he could be preying, trying to be a daddy, etc that right there is downright abusive. However, if there's a mutual attraction on both ends and he is a great guy then there's nothing wrong with that. Now, I go up to 40s. I am aware of the life differences between them and me. On other sites, I get a lot of men in their 40s they come across like 20 yr olds not my cup of tea. I'd be more interested if they acted their age, smooth, and suave.

I don't understand how people can say he is a great guy. I don't believe respectable man would be doing sex chats with a woman he only met twice. I don't think his age is a true issue here

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Whatever happened to the idea of my place or yours, as far as time and place?

Mens bodies don't age that fast by his age. :\

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I've had huge crushes on a couple guys who are even older than my dad, but actually dating an older guy? I would hesitate on that a bit. It would have to depend on the guy. Usually in my real dating life I'm most comfortable dating guys 10 years older maximum.

I have dated older men several times.

One time I dated a 45 year old, I was 24.

Then, I dated a 53 year old when I was 32.

The 53 year old man had health issues, and in my opinion, was finally looking to settle down because he wanted a nurse maid to take care of him. He'd had a stroke a few years earlier, something he didn't tell me and I found out on my own later.

So, I would be wary in general of why a much older men is interested in a young woman. I did not want to be anyone's nursemaid.

I don't think of 40 or 50 as "old" but maybe a little too old to be dating a woman in her 20s.

I agree, this doesn't sound like dating. Based on your previous threads, I think you should tread carefully as you aren't that experienced with dating, correct? That is, this isn't really dating. He's probably just interested in all of the sex talk. Do you mean he wants to "do" the things you talk about while sexting? And you'd do it if he was younger?

I am 50 and trust me I've been around the block. Nice men don't sext with women whom they don't date and barely know. Trust me on this, they do not. If he has needs and isn't dating no one at the time he'd go watch porn and masturbate. Nice men would not find some young girl and start inappropriate conversations. They just do not do this

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As a guy in my late 30's, looking from the other side of the fence as it were, I personally don't think I could date anyone younger than their late 20's. As for older? I'm not sure - mid 40's perhaps?

I guess the personalities of the people involved has a large bearing on the way things develop - two people very close in their life outlook but far apart in age would make for a good match, just as two close in age but being in very different stages in their life would likely be disasterous.

In saying that, a guy 20 years older laying it on thick with sexts and mysterious rendezvous and things like that automatically puts me on edge. It definitely comes across as creepy to me. If they were serious about a relationship, then everything should be out in the open. Yes, it does leave you open for close scrutiny, but if those outside the realationship can see openness and honesty, then the suspicion should fade away.

Did you think of him this way before your T said it? Or did she put the idea into your head?

I would never date a man older than me...or younger than me...or the same age as me. But then, I'm not attracted to men.

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I will try to answer in one post.
At first - thank you all.
For those who shared their bad experiences- Im sorry that you went through this, abuse is horrible

I would say that he felt guilty very often after saying something sexual to me and said sorry but I said its okay. He used to say he thinks its wrong, it seems he also doesnt know if he wants it in real life. Now he feels depressive and says its not because of me but he is not online anymore and says almost nothing to me, last time he said that he is so exhausted but he works very much.
I think that he realised its wrong and now avoids from me.
I miss our conversations, he made me smile texting me anything. I feel like I miss him and Im worried about him because he seems really depressed.
I dont think he is bad person, first time he wrote something sexual to me he said sorry. Next time he said he must be silent about his thoughts. I always said its okay so we continue this.
Now he says he feels bad and dont know why. I hope it will be okay.

My first serious relationship was with someone over 10 years older than me. 10 years would be my max next time. Age doesn't guarantee maturity, I've learned.

Ask this guy how his wife feels about him sexting with someone old enough to be his daughter.

FWIW, I married someone my own age (I'm 45) but when I was 27 I was with (we did more than "date") a woman who was 49. This relationship was accepted if not commonplace within her culture, but definitely not accepted within mine. I got a lot of static from family, friends, co-workers, strangers, everybody, and I did not at all appreciate it. We separated for other reasons, but if you go further in this relationship, be prepared for the judgement of others.

he is single now, I know it for 100%

Here's a thought:

In order for a relationship to work, the people in it must be compatible. One of the most important ways that require compatibility is emotionally. If a forty year old man and a twenty year old woman are emotionally compatible - then she is growing as a person and maturing twice as fast as he is. At that rate, she'll outgrow him very quickly.

My grandma taught me when a guy calls to talk with him for around 5-10 minutes then ask him what's on his mind. This forces him to ask you out if he's going to. She said this to me in 1982 when people actually used the phone, but the same rules for dating apply as far as I'm concerned.

Would you like some old-school dating coaching?

You just summed up my last relationship. Wow. Thank you.

Yup. If the guy wants to date you he will ask you out. Otherwise he'd be just texting/sexting.

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As I said we met for two times and live in different cities, having jobs.
Now he is really exhausted of working, he is awake at 6.00 and goes to sleep about 1-2 or if we text then later.
He met me when I said Im feeling bad so we ran to see each other for an hour because he should work. He didnt even kiss me only hugged me tight. We didnt call it date, he saw me because I felt bad and wanted to take me home to know everything is fine with me.

I see that people here sometimes are full of negativism, not everyone.
Yes, sometimes guys like he acts really bad and selfish but sometimes not. Sure we can never know. If you read what I said he felt guilty for sexting with me but I said its okay, we both are adults so why not.

Your relationship sounds like something was starting, but you weren't comfortable with the age difference and then the sex talk/ sexting took it off course. Long distance relationships rarely ever work anyway. It sounds like it was a learning experience.

Those old fashioned rules of dating that I was taught, they help you from setting yourself up for a lot of hurt and things that won't work. Relationships are a challenge.

I don't see how living in different cities is long distance. But regardless if sex talk with men you are not dating is ok with you then i wish you luck.

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