[Angelwngs25]

My mom and step dad told me I can't have a baby because I'm Bipolar and I have other mental illnesses. Like, stigmatized much? Seriously, after this I don't really want to have anything to do with her or him rather. I have given her books about my mental illnesses and she still continues to treat me like ****.

I think they are right but for different reasons. I've read your posts. You don't seem stable or mature enough to raise a child.

[Nammu]

What George said its most likely more about maturity and having stable relationships.

[-jimi-]

Lupus and Anti-Phospholipid Antibody Syndrome = high risk pregnancy. Many lupus meds not OK with preg. Preg worsens Anti-Phospholipid Antibody Syndrome meaning you can throw a clot, also placenta clotting is common leading to stillbirth. This risk is elevated despite blood thinners. Most lupus pregnancies are not full term due to complications.

If you get preg you can lose your life or/and the fetus. Both you and the father of the baby must be willing to take that risk. Scary stuff.

[ablankscript]

I love my child, but when I decided to pursue having a child I thought it was what I needed for stability, I thought having a child would somehow prevent my UPS ands downs and backs and forth. I will admit that my mental illnesses do matter I can no longer stand being with his mother as I basically used her to have a child, nor was I ever one to have a stable relationship it was always hot and cold and always on my terms. And a child is such a huge responsibility, 24/7 actually, they are needy and expensive it realm takes teamwork to raise a chip and everything affects them.

[amandalouise]

It is very risky having children when you are bipolar. it takes more planing and maturity then a normal person does.

for example did you know that the medications for bipolar (anti depressants, anti psychotics) cause fetal death\ miscarriage, children born that only live for a few hours because of the birth defects antidepressants\anti psychotics and other psychotropic medications cause.

that is why medications for people with mental health issues and seizure medications, blood thinner and others all say on them do not take if pregnant.

in order for me to have children all my treatment providers had to have permission to have access to all my medical and mental health files. I had to enter the hospital to be taken off ...all... medications, remain in the mental health unit for 3 weeks beyond that to ensure my bipolar was not going to enter any problems like hallucinations, delusions, mania, depression, hypomania....no seizure problems, no numbness, spaciness you name it every aspect of my mental and physical health was assessed while doing a long term cycle in the mental health unit off medications. this was because having a child is a long term affair. you have to be able to go with out medications for at least a year. (the 6-10 weeks it takes all medications to leave the body with no lingering affects and the 9-10 months you have to go with out medication in your body while carrying that child)

After taking me off my medications and being released from the hospital I still could not get pregnant right away. I had to wait a few months with appointments with my treatment providers every week so that they could make sure I was completely stable and able to take care of myself while off medications. after being off medications I had to work with an alternative treatment provider for things like herbals and vitamins.

while pregnant a bipolar person goes through many things that may affect that pregnancy. without bipolar medications to control bipolar related depression, mania, hypo mania, psychosis its very very hard thing to do.

then after the child is born you go back on the medications. that means you have a week to 4 weeks of readjustments to side effects all the while taking care of a new born baby's feeding, diapering and well being.

just a thought here because I remember one of your post saying you were frustrated with your cat because it was urinating on the floor. well guess what babies urinate all over the place, sometimes on the parent, sometimes on the floor through their diapers, and during changing of the diaper. sometimes during potty training the 2 year old will be going to the bathroom in their pants\diapers and now they are big enough to figure out how to take that diaper off theres going to be plenty of bathrooming and not just urine on the floors\carpets. like with your cat you are going to need to be able to handle the messes that come with having babies\children. they are messy when they play, they are messy when they eat drink and sleep. after they learn to talk you are going to have to be able to hold your temper when they talk back\mouth off and say no at you. they are babies and children not adults who know how to clean their own behinds, clean up their own messes off the floor when the floor becomes their bathroom of the moment.

my suggestion is go to your nearest planned parenthood or high school and ask them if they have a parenting program where you work with computerized babies. these are dolls that are computer programmed to act just like a newborn, enfant and toddler. they are very realistic even wake you up at all hours crying and you have to figure out why and take care of that baby 24\7. sometimes you even have to take that doll to a doctor just like you have to with a real live baby for check ups, ear infections, colds, breathing problems,

you may want to also think about getting a couple full time jobs having babies is expensive. my prenatal care was around $2800.00 this included prenatal vitamins and doctor appointments for check ups, did not include the amniocentesis and other tests to monitor my baby's growth and health. the hospital cost for delivering my baby was $2500.00 (because the doctor charges for all the time he was at the hospital monitoring my labor and also actually delivering the children) add on top of that the 1500. for the hospital bed\room for 3 days, add to that the pediatrician (when a baby is born the hospital automatically assigns that baby a doctor to monitor the baby and take care of the baby's health care while mom and baby are in the hospital.) add on top of that the bottles, diapers, machines and nursing care in the nursery the baby is using right after birth for the 3-7 days the mom and baby are in the hospital,

its a federal law that hospitals in the USA can not release the new born baby if the parent doesnt have a car seat to transport the baby. this can colst anywhere between 35-100 bucks depending upon where you get it, (here in the USA we have strict laws of what can be used for car seats. suggestion check out baby car seats like gerber and others.)

after you get the baby home then the real work begins, you are now on your own with this screaming crying warm thing called a baby. fantastic when they are sleeping and looking up at you with bright delightful eyes but man that first 4 months plan on not getting much sleep (tip sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby is eating, dont plan on going out much for parties and wiccan events. or like my wife says our intimacy and night life was tuck the baby in bed and fall asleep during the first 4 months. (6 weeks of no intimacy was doctors orders a woman can not have that due to her physical health after having a baby)

my point is having a baby is something to think about beyond that i want a baby urge that comes naturally to women. its a lot of work, stress and you have to be ready for it so ready that you are not going to get frustrated with messes and stresses that you have posted about in the past.

The way you described your reaction to your mother's and step fathr's comments, it appears indeed that you have not yet reached maturity. Perhaps it helps to create a 'battle plan' and write down risks of pregnancy and raising your child for you, as well as how you intend to address potential problems in the future. Maybe your family can elaborate more what their worries are and you may be able to relate a bit to their side.
Since you want to be a mother, please put yoursel in your mother's shoes. Try to understand why she is worried at the prospect of you having a child. Try to find what the best for your baby would be; perhaps you will cone to the conclusion that you might want to wait a while till you are ready. Also talk to your family about why you want a baby and why necessarily now? What are your expectations?
A child can change people but bringing a child into this world - who depends on you for everything- and hoping his or her existence will bring positie changes is not the right way to go. Even caring for a pet is a huge challenge when you have health issues and/or you are not ready yet. Parenthood is often glamorized by starlets in the media but for most people it is messy and exhausting and very expensive. Healthy and otherwise capable people are sometimes pushed to the limits due to sleepless nights and all the stress a newborn brings. So Id say the bare minimum is to be physically and mentally able to care for a baby, be prepared to put your needs behind your baby and famoly's needs, and ideally have a stable partnership to support you.

Ouch, I'm so sorry...that really is a harsh thing to hear especially since our ultimate job is to have children.

I had a child before I knew that I was MI, and it's not been easy coming across as a sane parent in fulfilling all the child's emotional needs. If only I knew...

My biggest upset though was the genetic part...the passing of defective genes to the next generation. I love my offspring too much by not inflicting them with my genes by not having babies. I love them too much to do that to them. They don't deserve to suffer like I have suffered.

I love children though, if I could I would adopt instead.

I hope that you get to understanding.

[Serzen]

Be patient.

My advice is that you shouldn't rush such an important decision...

That you're not ready today does not mean that you won't be ready tomorrow. Take it easy.

[Lexi232]

Something ive thought about is trying to adopt a child, because when i was preggo, i was also on meds that could cause the baby harm and i miscarried both times early in the pregnancy. :-(

Our ultimate job is to have children?

[pegasus]

Having a mental health issue does not mean that you cannot have children, what it means is that you need to work on yourself enough to make sure you are stable so that you are not inflicting misery on your children. It's a major life decision that all factors need to be considered. Your Mom and step dad have put it too bluntly for a reason. That being said, raising children is hard work and takes it toll physically and emotionally and you have to be able to cope with all of it.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by mousebear

Our ultimate job is to have children?

at first I had the same gut reaction to that post but then I checked to see who the poster was of that statement.

short version here on psych central there is all mental disorders. a couple mental disorders are DID and OSDD (dissociative disorders) with these mental disorders a person has a special kind of alternate personalities where each alter has its own job purpose reason for being. some people with DID and OSDD may have alters who's job, purpose reason for being part of that persons system is to have children, take care of children, raise children.

also there are cultures around the world where it is the womans job and purpose to have children, take care of their man, take care of the home and have children, one such culture is here in america...the Amish culture. another culture is in Iran where the woman have the children but are the property of the man and the children after the mother has given birth are the property of the man... A good book to read on this culture is ......not without my daughter. Im sure there are more recent books out there on cultures that still go by the womans job is to have children but this is the one that comes to mind.

back to angelwings problem I forgot to add that newborn babies go through clothing faster than anything. you will also need to set aside money for new clothing for the baby every month for the first 6 months to a year and also for the many check ups, immunizations, ...also prepare your self for that first cutting through of the babies first teeth. the baby will be crying most of the time day and night because their gums are in pain, theres nothing you can do about it other than walk /rock that baby and sometimes teething aids/teething meds. and let me tell you the pets are only so comfortable with a screaming crying teething baby. my dog not so bad one of my children and one of my dogs bonded but the cats well I saw hide nor hair of the cats during the teething, they were too busy hiding from this screaming crying human that kept trying to chew on them to relieve the pain and cut their tooth through. I have also had to find a new home for one of my cats because he insisted on considering my children his prey rather than part of the family.

my point babies grow like weeds literally and pets and babies dont always get along. something to keep in mind when planning to have a child.

The OP seems to be from the US and not some obscure culture where women's sole purpose is that of childbearing. Considering the socio political advances of feminism and postmodernism and in the face of present day overpopulation, it is utterly out of touch and somewhat unethical to consider a woman's 'job' was to reproduce. Does that mean trans women, poor women, disabled women, post menopausal women or women who cannot have children have no scope in their lives?
There are also enough orphaned or poverty stricken and otherwise suffering kids due in part to reckless reproduction. Is it not our job to help those kids, or does our job only extend to our own blood? It was a gross generalization of women on the poster's part but thankfully most people are aware of current issues and women's advances over the last centuries.

Originally Posted by mousebear

Our ultimate job is to have children?

Well maybe not all of us!

Without politicalizing, as in any living species, it's the born female that produces the egg to populate an environment for the propagation of the species, but not all species follow that rule. There are also other methods of reproduction like asexual, cloning, and whatever- it's a biology thing.

Now, if anyone wants to be politically correct and individualize it on the human side, anybody can do whatever they want and should have the freedom and right to do so- to live a life as they see it, feel it, want it, need it, believe it, ...without parental, social, and eco discrimination.

The OP is distraught over being told something by her parents that she obviously feels something strongly about. We must remind the OP that what her parents said was just their opinion and that it should have no bearing on her life- it's hers to do what she pleases with. Have a child, have a flock....they'll love her all the same and their grandchildren(s), too.

[tradika]

Considering your extensive medical history and mental health conditions, I would have to agree with your parents. It probably would not be a good idea to pursue having children. In this case, it's not so much about stigma as it is about the health/welfare of a child who has no say in the matter. Having children is not ultimately about the parent, but about what is best for the child.

[Gavinandnikki]

Maturity, financial stability and a sustained and stable relationship should all be in place BEFORE a baby is planned for. In my opinion.

I think the OP needs to wait until these occur first. This not a personal attack, but an opinion based on her prior posts.

[Serzen]

I sincerelly hope the OP can make the most of the wise pieces of advice given by the folks in this thread and that she takes this the best possible and mature way so that she makes the best decision in her life. Hugs.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Angelwngs25

My mom and step dad told me I can't have a baby because I'm Bipolar and I have other mental illnesses.

On that sentence alone, MI doesn't affect reproductive organs, the last I knew?



Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[ChipperMonkey]

I think the main concern is for the unborn children. MI alone isn't a reason alone to not have children. However, if the MI makes daily functioning and stability difficult, then yes, the decision to have children should be considered carefully. I had an online friend a few years ago who ultimately gave up on having her own children because she couldn't maintain stability without powerful medications and the more "safe" ones destabilized her. (She saw a psychiatrist who specialized in treating pregnant or wanting to become pregnant women.) MI does make having kids more difficult. I really do think it should be a decision that isn't taken lightly. Many drugs can cause birth defects. Some drugs are on the market for a number of years before certain birth defect issues are detected. Sort of why being as med free as possible when having kids is very important (but many people don't know this as they get drugs from a GP who doesn't know much of anything about psychiatric drugs).

[healingme4me]

Ahhhh, what the heck. I only see mentioned newborns, newborns, newborns. Yadda yadda yadda...

This thread catches me in a highly irritable mood care of the added stressors of motherhood, so hi there and hello. So you are itching to make babies?!

As I sit here with a couple neurologically challenged children, on top of the typical child that lays beneath that title. First, sarcastically lovely, week back from a two week holiday. Feed me, what's for dinner, I'm hungry. Loud wails and gnashing of teeth. Two are pubescent and the other trailing close behind and did I mention their feet reek?!?! Even after a shower ??

Oh I hope you don't mind, blood, loose poop and vomit, runny noses, hacking coughs, mood swings(these are little boys not girls...mood swings) and dirty hands, refusal to wear winter coats, too cool for that, as are their peers...the vent could go on....

Did I mention chewing through $30 of mine in seconds flat..,

Oh HOMEWORK HELP TIMES 3!!!!

Yep, only infants were mentioned?????????

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[Angelwngs25]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Lupus and Anti-Phospholipid Antibody Syndrome = high risk pregnancy. Many lupus meds not OK with preg. Preg worsens Anti-Phospholipid Antibody Syndrome meaning you can throw a clot, also placenta clotting is common leading to stillbirth. This risk is elevated despite blood thinners. Most lupus pregnancies are not full term due to complications.

If you get preg you can lose your life or/and the fetus. Both you and the father of the baby must be willing to take that risk. Scary stuff.

The doctor looked in my file because I wanted her to make sure that was what was in his notes and she looked to see if it's even in his notes that I have Anti-phospholipid Antibody Syndrome and she found out that it wasn't in the file after all and immediately took me off the Warfarin I was taking for the illness. She said it had been a year since I started taking it and it would be okay to stop it. This happened a few months ago.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

On that sentence alone, MI doesn't affect reproductive organs, the last I knew?Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

yes mental disorders can affect whether a womans reproductive system is working correctly or not...example women who are who have eating disorders their reproductive organs stop working correctly, some to the point where they lose their periods. and fertility. the same with anxiety and depression with some women their depression and anxiety result in their physically unable to have children. there is also a mental disorder called conversion disorder where a persons mental disorder (doesnt matter what the mental disorder is) shows symptoms in physical ways. one of those ways can be that their reproduction organs no longer working correctly or at all.

not to mention the short and long term affects of taking psychotropic medications. and also the brain is an amazing thing. a non pregnant woman can believe they are pregnant and show all the symptoms and a woman completely able to have children can convince their self that they are unable to have ch ildren and their bodies will comply (fictitious disorders imposed on self)

my point here in america mental disorder\mental issues are one of the first things assessed along with their physical health and past history with medications\drugs and alcohol, when a woman goes to their OB\GYN with hopes of getting pregnant.

the original poster has posted they have many different mental and physical health problems that can be very concerning when it comes to planning to have a baby and maybe why her parents do not want this for her right now.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by Angelwngs25

The doctor looked in my file because I wanted her to make sure that was what was in his notes and she looked to see if it's even in his notes that I have Anti-phospholipid Antibody Syndrome and she found out that it wasn't in the file after all and immediately took me off the Warfarin I was taking for the illness. She said it had been a year since I started taking it and it would be okay to stop it. This happened a few months ago.

This is your response to other people's post on your thread???? That is unbelievable to me.

[ablankscript]

On a another small note not related to the whole mental illness part of having a baby. One of the arguments going on in my mind was that there are already too many humans on Earth. Population is at its max, and our needing to feed them is also destroying the earth. Many believe that Earth is a sinking ship, and bringing kids into this world is an ethical debate that should be had before bringing more humans here. Who knows what the future holds but I know all parents would hate for their children to have to struggle and have less of a life than they themselves did. Of course our own biological makeup makes it difficult to think rationally when baby making is concerned, but it is important to think about their future and the grand scope of the world and where its is heading.