The other night. No judgement please.

You always are projecting. You seem to take so much personal offense to my posts. He was confused because he wanted to see me but i ignored him and then after that made it all about me and in my insecurity kept asking what does he even like about me which confused the heck out of him because he was the one just asking to see me. Sometimes guys stonewall or give silent treatment to punish. Idc either way. I'm taking it slow. One of my ex bf's is back in the picture now so I may spend time with him.

What did he reply to that?

Seriously?

No since you are posting about all these men it clearly upsets and worries you. You were upset and crying after one violated you and some other one abused you before. Now you are back with ex, is he abusive too? I can't possibly say it is all good and dandy. it just saddens me that you have very low standards when it comes to men.

Sure I do take stories about abuse to heart. I work with teens, many were abused. This isn't a joke to me. I have a daughter your age. It would mortify me if she had such experiences with men. Sure I take it to heart if women think they deserve bad treatment or if that bad treatment is normal and acceptable. It's not

And you think that's what you deserve. I also worry about your safety as you put yourself into dangerous situation.

Guys do silent treatment or stonewall to punish women? No they don't. Well good ones don't. That's what I am saying. You need more experience with nice people. You deserve better. Everyone keeps telling you these men are bad news. Have you explored what makes you attracted to such low class guys?

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I notice that in your posts talking about him; he has made it ALL about him....his feelings.

What he is doing is a distraction technique. Even if he doesn't know it. You need to think about what made you start this thread! It doesn't matter what he says now. What he did to you is inexcusable.

There are two main possibilities here: 1. He really does think he loves you, which is no good because if this is how he treats someone he loves, why would you even want to be with him? Or 2. He senses that you're about to get away from him, and this is his way of reeling you back in, because no one feels good about rejecting someone who says they're in love.
Furthermore, if he's confused about you, what makes you think it's love? A very confused boy told me he loved me once. We had been friends for a year and then started dating, and he told me he loved me the first day. Two days later, he said he was gay.
Unfortunately, people don't always say they love you because they mean it.

Part of me thinks you really enjoy defending this guy to us. There is something that really makes you want to trust this guy, and yet you came here for our advice, because his actions upset you. You need to trust the part of you that feels that something isn't right here, the part that made you come here.
If you're SO sure that he's a good guy, or that there are no good guys, why are you still seeking our input? I think you want us to validate your feeling that this guy is trouble, yet you keep defending him. Think about it hard -- why are you doing this? Your answer should not include "because he..." You need to consider what makes YOU want to trust this guy, why YOU can't let it go.

I don't know if you'll listen, but I want to tell you about the good guys out there. My second boyfriend, when I was 14, sounds like this guy. He pushed me to do things I didn't want to do, I kept saying no. Finally he just took what he wanted. I dumped him immediately, because I knew I didn't deserve that, and that it didn't matter how nice he could be otherwise. And really try to hear me here: it DID NOT MATTER that he had previously talked me into letting him finger me, and that I had enjoyed it. He obtained my consent, and I liked it but wasn't ready for anything more. When he went against my wishes, nothing that he or I had done previously meant I had to forgive him or stay with him. I dumped him, he tried to get me back through more and more desperate means, proving how unstable he was and that I'd made the right choice.

I never dated anyone like that again. I think it says a lot that I hated being alone, and so pretty much dated anyone who showed interest in me, and yet only one of them was the kind of guy who would force me or hurt me. Obviously none of them were perfect, but there is a big difference between them and this guy.
I want to tell you about the good things I've seen men do, and I want you to keep in mind that none of these men did things like the guy you are stuck on. They didn't do good things to make me forget they had hurt me.

My first boyfriend was not very good at expressing his feelings, so when I got upset and he didn't know what to do, his best friend would talk to me, comfort me, and explain what my boyfriend was thinking. He got no thanks for this, I wasn't his girlfriend. He did it for no other reason than to help his best friend and me.

I moved from CA to NY when I was 14 and my father had just died. Most of the kids at my new school were indifferent to me, but one boy went out of his way to make me feel at home. He asked me to the homecoming dance, and introduced me to his circle of friends. We started dating, and when I wasn't a very good girlfriend because I was still grieving for my father, he still stayed. He always tried to make me happy, and even though I eventually broke up with him because we just weren't that compatible, we are still friends to this day, and I know I can count on him for support.

Also while living in New York, I got to know the boyfriend of a friend of mine. The friend turned out to be a terrible person, a compulsive liar and even physically abusive toward her boyfriend. he stayed with her because he thought he was in love. She actually banged his head against the metal lockers at school. He could have responded with violence, or at least broken up with her, but he stayed until he was entirely sure that she did not care about him at all. He should have left her sooner, but he could not bring himself to hurt her, even though she had hurt him in every possible way.
You do not want to end up in this situation.

Once, even a stranger online did a very kind thing for me. I was single for the first time in my life, and decided to post some nude pictures online for fun. One day I got an email from one of the men who had seen my pictures. I had not included my email in my posts, but he informed me that there was metadata in my photos that contained contact information. He showed me how to remove this information so I would not be contacted by random guys online. He had no reason to do that. He had already seen my pics, and did not use his help to bargain for more pictures.

I have been dating my current boyfriend for nearly five years, and he has one of the biggest hearts I have ever known. Before we met, he sustained serious injury to both knees while working at Walmart. He stopped a heavy pallet jack full of merchandise from hitting a special needs employee who didn't see it coming. He crushed both knees in the process and had to have surgery, during which 30% of the bone in his knees had to be removed. He could never work in manual labor again, and to this day still has pain from the incident. Since we met I have seen him do other amazing things. Once, he went outside to smoke very late at night, and found a woman crying on the steps of our apartments. He asked if she was okay, and she explained that she had been visiting her baby daddy, and he had hit her. Her face was swelling. He invited her in to use our bathroom to clean up, and asked if she needed a ride or any help. He did this even knowing that if I woke up and found a strange woman in our apartment, I might think the worst. He told me about it in the morning, and I don't think I've ever been more proud of anyone.
Just a few months ago, he displayed his kindness once again when we came home to find a drunk stranger passed out on our living room floor. He could have called the cops, or physically thrown him out. He was far too drunk to be any threat to my boyfriend, who was bigger and taller. Instead, he woke the guy up as gently as possible, keeping his voice calm. He gave him a glass of water, waited for him to get his bearings, and asked where he was trying to be. The guy ended up sitting on our couch until he was sober enough to walk home.

My point here is that there ARE good guys out there, you just have to know how to recognize them. You deserve a guy like that, not like the one you are describing.

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I agree with previous poster. There are many good men out there. You have to raise your standards

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Back when I asked that? That was when started stonewalling me. I had just ignored his text and he got distant but still responding to me. Then,I threatened him saying i will just leave him alone clearly he doesn't want to talk to me and he had said whatever and i had said what do you even like about me and he had said omg and that he always is asking to see me and for me to come over and then he just started ignoring me. Idk,i was wanting to hear him say he liked something about me that wasn't just looks so that's why i was asking that but it was wrong timing and i shouldn't have done that.

Yes,but that's life. Nobody is perfect. I am not back with my ex. He and I are just talking again. He is older then me. He is not abusive. But,then again,some of these things people take as big things,then I'd say everyone is abusive.

Yeah..I had kind of trying to examine that myself so it's interesting you said that. i was wondering does he make things all about his feelings. I am not sure yet,though.

Well that's life and life is short and why spending it with jerks when there are plenty of nice people out there of both genders. No, not everyone is abusive. Only some people are abusive and it's wise to not spend your life with them. Why have such low standards.

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It sounds like you have a very nice boyfriend. I have had guys do nice things for me,before,too and also this guy on this post has done nice things,too.

I try not to think life is short.

I agree with so Scorpio. Big difference between simply not being perfect and being abusers or simply jerks. No one seeks perfection, but it doesn't mean we should accept unacceptable behaviors

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How do you view life, then? I've watched too many leave this earth at earlier than average ages, hence my own personal perspective on life is too short. And my lack of comprehension otherwise. Not being curt, just I lack the capacity to knowledge of other viewpoints.

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Of course life is not short. It's the longest thing a person will ever do.

I used to say life is short as recently as a few weeks ago,but i now think it's a negative way to view life. I now just think life is. I'm not really sure how to put a new spin on it yet atm. I guess,more like,trying to be more present. I could get more into it,but then i'd spinoff into a more spiritual topic.

What's there for him to be confused about? You told him that you didn't want him around all the time. That you didn't want sex. And he can only tell you how attracted he is finding you physically? Now tossing in the in love without a characteristic of your personality that he likes, sounds suspicious to me. Plus the rejection word keeps appearing as in axis one terminology..

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Regardless if life is long or short, we only have one. Might as well make an effort to have a nice one while we are here. The point is to enjoy life ( when can) rather than set yourself up for misery. Saying that "you might as well spend your time with jerks because everyone is a jerk" is a negative view on life, it is settling for low standard. Living in the present is important unless that present is bad, then why not make an effort to improve it

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What is axis one terminology?

I wish you the best. I wish you knew you deserved better!

Axis one in the dsm

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