The other night. No judgement please.

I did some meditating and then writing and got some more clarity on the issue. I realized he's helped me with some personal things I have now overcome and barriers i have broken which i think is really cool and instilled in me now..belief in more then i had thought possible with certain personal things. I have progressed myself in ways. I also decided,if we talk and work things out,I'm going to have sex with him. I already assumed that would happen anyways but now i actually feel it as something I think will be helpful to me and should happen. Basically,something is telling me that i should have sex with him,that it'll be good for me. And,at the same time,i feel a sense of peace that all is going as it should. Not in a fate sense,i don't believe in predestiny,but i just feel calm and like all is well.

How is it helpful to have sex with men who don't treat you well? But regardless what you decide don't ever have unprotected sex with him. Or with anyone you don't know well. It is very dangerous

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annabellacat, I went through this thread and everything seems to be going in circles.

Back to your first post - did you like being treated like that? Would you like that night to happen again?

Is this a result of the silent treatment you've received from him?

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Oh my. I'm going to repeat what I see most people saying here, it is definitely a big deal. It doesn't matter if you said things that may have led him to believe you are masochistic or something.
And the fact that he has a polite "side" only cements the picture of him.

He sounds exactly like the guy who tried to rape me. So charming that you want to believe you're misunderstanding him, or him you.

Don't fall for it. Make it clear to him that you don't want him. You will probably have to state it extremely bluntly. If you say something like "I don't want this kind of relationship," he'll tell you he can change. He will not change. Tell him to get out of your life, and if he refuses, report it to the police.

I never reported my ex, and I will probably regret it the rest of my life. I thought he wasn't really that bad, he was just confused. A year later he tried to rape another girl. At least, that was the only other girl I heard about, because she contacted me directly. No telling how many other girls he attacked.

Don't let him make you think this isn't a big deal.
Get out, now.

Edit: I haven't read the whole long thread here, but I see from a couple of these last posts that it sounds like you're backtracking.
One other thing I should add: Even if you do like being in a submissive role, being controlled, pain, and/or autoerotic asphyxiation, this is NOT the guy to be doing it with. I am not judging you at all on this. Some of us are drawn to darker things, darker pleasures. But it is absolutely ESSENTIAL that you are with someone you can trust if you want that kind of relationship. I understand that sometimes the thrill is in having your "no" ignored. But you have to realize that one of these times, you will really mean "no", and he still won't listen. You can't set the precedent with a guy like this that "no doesn't mean no."
When you are with someone trustworthy, who cares about you, you can still have these dark thrills. The difference is you can have a "safe word", and know that if you really want to stop, he will.
Trust me, the thrill of being dominated completely is not worth the long-term damage it will cause if he's not a good guy.

So you can no longer stand being ignored, are desperately desperate for his attention and will thus agree to have sex with him?

Nice going

Run as fast as you can away from this guy. His lack of respect for you is evident in his behavior. He didn't respect your decision of "NO". He passed the point of polite when he forced his fingers inside you after you told him no.
This guy is a predator and you should be very careful with his motives from here on out. You yourself said that he was "obsessed" with you. RED FLAG!!!! Any caring individual is going to want to make sure that you are comfortable and are ok with how the relationship progesses. If this guy is willing to push you before you go out on any official "date", what's going to happen when you do??

Get out now, while you still can....and be careful.

It's him as a person. I feel inspired to do a bunch of new things now from him. It sounds crazy but i just feel moved forward in new ways from things ever since we last hung out.

Yeah,i know it seems like i went in circles. I was confused and processing things. But,i can't help it. With or without him in the picture,i now feel inspired to do all these things.

I mean,maybe? But,i know for a fact that it would've come out regardless. I mean he is barely giving me silent treatment. I could try texting him again but i haven't and am not going to because that's not my style.

I think he is just confused. And,it keeps screaming out to me in quiet moments that he is inexperienced. I agree it's not healthy that he does punishing me games like this.For months though after we first hung out,he wanted to see me and i didn't want to and we didn't and so i think that's why he is very upset at me and insecure.

He only ignored the last texts i sent,and he did say things before that,so i can barely say he is ignoring me and he has ignored texts before. I figured i'd have sex with him if i seen him again anyways. I just had something tell me last night during calm,quiet moments that it would help me if i did. I don't think someone being distant making me realize this neccessarily makes it wrong. It was more of,i assumed we would anyways and then the distance in a quiet moment made me realize i should. Everything has been very,very confusing for me,though. It just seems like everytime i meet him,he is someone different,and like he evolved in texts,too with how he is a little bit. Taking my emotional bias out of the equation has taken some work.

We had an official date last late spring. I changed our plans at the last minute for the last time we hung out to be at my place instead. He's already said before all the things he wants from me. To have anything he can get from me and be in my life as long as i let him. To work together.To hang out. To be a couple. He has said he wants to show me off,take me out,have me at his place most nights of the week,teach me how take the train to get around,take care of me,all that stuff.

It sounds like you are going in the direction that you want, unless I am missing something.

Take care not to let your desires in life cloud your judgement.

Good luck.

Anyone playing with fire always winds up getting burnt in some way or another.

Be safe and use condoms

Air of superiority????? Nope....Just good ole common sense

I'm really sad and heartbroken and in tears. He brought me a lot of inspiration which i'm going to use to really plough forward and use the pain as my motivation. I can't believe i convinced myself he is just mad. I'm pretty sure he likes someone else now or maybe this person was already in the picture. I seen something that could very well be nothing,i do tend to just to assumptions and be wrong with things like this pretty often,but then again,he has the vibe to be a certain way. i really do believe he wanted me in a serious way. i don't think that was fake. Some questions i have may not get answered for some time. I find it sad that as soon as i started to appreciate him,he disappeared. I hate how disposable guys treat women. I feel like i need to vamp up my image to be sexier. He loved me and my flaws. He made me feel so beautiful. And,he got to know parts of me others didn't and us being a couple would've been cool because of both our jobs. But,now i feel insecure and not good enough,like he's better then me. All this time i had me on a pedestal. I thought he was talented,and had good qualities,etc,etc but i still had myself on the pedestal. Once in a low place,i slid myself off. I feel like he has more going for him then i do for me now and it just makes me very insecure. I never did appreciate him. He was chivalrous,he's well traveled,very talented,stylish,etc,etc but the whole time my mind was on another guy for the most of while he pursued me. he was insecure of this. he didn't think i liked him.i ended up lurking his tumblr. he's a more interesting guy then i gave him credit for. motivated. determined. likes to make things happen and LIVES and has just a bit of a poetic side to him. There's a lot i like about him. And,it's weird when it takes someone to be out of the picture before you really see them. I didn't need this right now. I needed him to be my hero and he knew that. It feels weird feeling solo right now. Since December even though we were just texting,it was like i just let myself fall into him. No matter what he has inspired me to live,and to do more. He has a quote on his tumblr about how many things have you said no to,suggesting he admires people who say yes. It's very fitting to him. I need to live more. This is all just so weird to me. On one hand it's such a nothing thing,we've only not spoken in 4 days and the pic i seen is a normal enough pic i could've seen months ago and i doesnt mean anything but it doesnt matter. I'm releasing all blame for myself on this and am also going to release all blame on him so i can completely free myself from this and just be at peace. Just let something be what it is. Not everything has to have blame. Yeah. Time to move forward.

Well, at least now this abusive relationship is over. I think he's been manipulating you the whole time, and took advantage of your low self-esteem to control you. Some people can be smooth manipulators who depend on their good looks and charm to wield control over others. I'm glad you're moving forward. I really hope, however, that you find a more respectful, consenting and trustworthy guy in the future.

I see what my error was. I should've refrained from posting on here. I was just kind of in shock and wanted to process it. I don't like writing anymore but prefer typing so i guess it seemed a fit to post on here. I also never should've asked my friend for advice that day when he said to text him asking how his day is going. I mean,that person is not exactly great with relationships to put it lightly.But,it's fine. It's in the past.If he took advantage of my low self esteem at the end(the few weeks he reappeared),that is possible,but i do know he really liked me. i'm good at reading people and had my suspicions on the the truth of the matter as it was,i just wanted to process it all. I know it may seem like im an "asshole" because i come off asking for advice but don't seem to take it but i've always been the kind of person who believes the best advice comes from within and that deep down inside we already know all the answers. Obviously,i knew something was off. That's why i created the post. I probably sensed something was off before i even had him over. It may sound odd to some,but i'm really good at reading the energy of others. I knew something was off but i also knew it wasn't to an extent i couldn't handle. I knew he wanted a relationship but i also knew his certain ways of being that he had. I'm not dumb. I am more realistic then i come off. I also have an ok amount of dating experience. I think people have multi tones to them. I don't think you can just categorize as guy as being completely a villain or good guy.

Don't be so hard on yourself. This posting might have been some help to you and others and that's what this forum is about.

I think people get frustrated when they give good advice that's not taken. But it's your life, and we don't always solve our issues, right? It's OK.

Still feeling sad. Was looking back at our texts from the last week and it DOES look like i did something wrong and that there was just a blip in miscommunication and like it's just all unfinished. I'd say i even overreacted except it was literally the fact that i as afraid of another girl in the picture which made me insecure. Now i feel like physically not enough,and it's just weird how the dynamics changed considering last summer,i just thought he was a slightly nerdy but cool person in my field. He said on our first date that his favorite features of his on girls was two of the things i had I forgot what one of the things he said was,maybe my eye color but also something on me that is a "flaw." So, i shouldn't be insecure but i really am. I'm probably not seeing myself clearly. He also even said before that he's dated an overweight girl before. I'm not overweight but it was when i was asking him random questions and he made it seem like he found her attractive. I also see in texts that i do come off sort of *****y. My friend today,who of course i will not listen to even suggested based on what he knows that maybe i should grovel a little to the guy to make things better because apparently i seemed *****y.I had reasons for how i seemed,though. It's not like it was random. Like i said,it's just weird,If I look at the texts since the last week right after we seen each other.I know why i did it though. I wanted him to ask me why i was nervous,and seem to care,and talk it out. He's offended I blew him off. I was offended he didn't talk it out with me. And,it all just looks like a huge miscommunication and passive agressiveness on both sides if one looks at the texts. I shouldn't even bring up the looks thing but it's the first thing my mind goes too when i feel insecure but he was always obsessed with me and my looks to the point that one of my last texts to him was asking him what did he even like about me because i wanted to know what he liked about me besides my looks. The more i look back at this,the more it screams miscommunication. It's hard to see ourselves how others do. He would've actually been the perfect person for me. The only thing lacking would've been his inexperience. I could see it having worked out. I have all these amazing people interested in me all the time,yet i always get so insecure and feel like not enough. If they show interest in me,clearly that should show something. Plus,with this guy,it's stupid,i had no insecurity until just after we hung out because i then got afraid of another person being in the picture. It's a paranoia i tend to have.

Maybe it's just a total lack of experience with relationships and I should totally not post at all but I just have to ask: Why do so many women rationalize and make excuses for obviously bad men? Whether it's abuse or sexual assault or cheating, whatever... Why do women stay? I've been thinking about this a lot lately and it totally confuses me. Why would you even try to make up with someone who basically sexually assaulted you?

I hope you can dump him and move on, but that is of course my humble and inexperienced opinion. Good luck.

Come on. Be serious. All guys are like this. There is no such thing as a "good" guy. Women have flaws too.

Cheaters and assault? Or those that don't know how to respect a woman sexually??

Cmon. I think this reply blurs the lines a bit, don't you think??

There's a difference between having quirks and things of that nature and disrespectful behavior.

It's a slippery slope to accepting less than what you deserve and need.

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I also just wanted to add being reminded from another post that he was there for me when i was suicidal! In May,before we even went on our first date! I had an emotional breakdown from bad drama and was on the floor crying and drinking and cutting myself and he just happened to text and i couldn't help it,i told him things and he was there for me! He told me not to kill myself and talked with me the whole time! Before our first date even! I love him and i don't care what anyone says! Screw perfect. He knows so much about me somehow. It is crazy. And,all throughout all he could ever say was nothing would change his opinion of me and that he will always like me. He said that last thing just about 2 weeks ago or so. That he will always like me.