Am I making an issue where there should not be one...

I thought I would just gather some opinions since I may be totally off the mark and need a reality check.

My parents are visiting out of state. They are not staying with us as they have their own house here. My mom no longer cooks and when we go out to eat my dad usually foots the bill unless one of us tells the wait staff first (we don't expect him to pay)

When they come over to my house, they will routinely help themselves to whatever I have....Like mooch around in the fridge and ask if I have anything good to eat.

I have no issue feeding them. They have done plenty for me and it feels petty to have this annoy me.

Would it annoy you?

Thanks all!

Just for the sake of clarification before I formulate a response, are you annoyed by their presence or the fact that they feel at home enough in your home to "mooch around in the fridge"?

I'ld rather have my guests mooching around in the refrigerator on their own than wanting me to wait on them all the time.

Then again, they are not your house-guests. They have their own kitchen nearby, so it's odd that they would come over wanting to appease their appetites.

If they have been good to you and this visit is not a matter of months on end, then I would be tolerant of what they are doing. I would even make a point of trying to have things on hand that would appeal to them. Eating out can get old. It's nice to spend time at home having drinks and snacks together in a family atmosphere.

On the other hand, if you find their behavior intrusive, just don't have anything they like around. Then they'll go elsewhere . . . to the store, or home, or to a restaurant.

Basically, it wouldn't bother me. but that's just me.

Would it annoy me? Probably not, but I always tell all my guests "Help yourself!"

You have to ask yourself why you are getting annoyed. Is it because they're eating anything and everything and it is financially taxing? Are they eating a meal you had been anticipating eating? Or is it that they aren't asking and just presume its ok?

If I had to guess, you are feeling a little annoyed because more than likely, you know its good manners to ask someone before you go rummaging through your cabinets. But, lets be honest -- did you ask every time you rummaged through the cabinets when you were growing up and in their home?

I will say, I had a similar scenario but not with a parent -- instead a new boyfriend. He was at my house and we had been dating and become comfortable and the first time he started going through my things I felt a little irritated. Aren't you going to ask?! But, I quickly realized it had nothing to do with WHAT he was doing and instead with HOW it was making me feel.

The question is this -- do you want to let this bother you while they visit or can you come to terms with the fact that it is probably something they're doing without even realizing it. You can either confront them and maybe raise conflict or you can accept it, embrace it, and move on.

Maybe if you want to gently broach the topic, something like "Hey, I wanted to see if you had any requests for meals, snacks, etc. when you come over so I can have it ready for you."

That way, YOU acknowledge you know they're going to eat and then they acknowledge they will be mooching and everyone wins?

Although, when my sister visits I ask her, she says "I don't want anything" then she eats the last of my favorite ice cream. So, I think this might just be a right of passage for some families.

Good luck!!! Sometimes, WEIRD things annoy us. There is no rationale. You need to examine what might be triggering your response. That might lead to some relief.

We may be a special example, but yeah it annoys the *&^% out of us because we don't have spare food. We only have enough money to buy what we need to eat during the week. If someone shows up and wants to be fed, that means food out of our mouths.

this would not bother me because in my culture everyone is treated as an equal. by that I mean if someone is hungry they are welcome to help their self (even the children of my culture, know it is ok to help their self to the fruit bowls, fridge, cupboards....if they are hungry.) the way my culture is no one goes hungry, no one lacks for help, no one lacks for clothing, native american culture is one where we just dont leave someone hungry or lackin. it doesnt matter if that person is a relative, friend or stranger. it isnt a situation where snacking replaces meal time, just that hunger is something that can not always be shoved aside.

outside of my culture it is still ok for those I know to help their self. I see it this way.. I know how it feels when I am hungry and I know meal time is a ways away. that rumbling, growling ache for something to eat ends up taking up all my thoughts to where I cant concentrate on anything other than food and how much longer is it to meal time. its a pick your battles thing. I can sit there only half paying attention to what is going on and the rest of my focus on the fact that Im hungry or I can get up and get a snack, and go back to fully paying attention to whats going on.

I do offer refreshments to my friends and family when they are over. its just common curtesy when someone comes to my house I welcome them, then offer coffee, tea or something to eat? the usual reply from my company is something like sure I have time for a cup of coffee and no nothing to eat I just ate awhile ago. then I make the coffee and at some point during the conversation I slip in an offer for more coffee and something to eat.

if you are not of a culture that welcomes this kind of behavior from your parents, or this situation continues to bother you, maybe sit down and talk with them, it may be that they have a health issue that requires them to eat something when they are helping their self to your food supply.

Thank so much everyone for your thoughts on this. It means a lot to me.

I do, of course, cook and offer whatever I have. I really have no issue with that at all. I made and served my mom a cake (she's diabetic and dearly misses sweets) this afternoon. She loved and appreciated it.

I really, really don't know why it bothers me... I feel stupid for asking about something so minor...Jeez. I could smack myself upside the head....

Perhaps I simply want the courtesy of "is it okay if I fix myself something?".

Yeah, it would annoy me too... but when I go to my mother's, I help myself without asking, so it's really fine if she does the same!

Those kinds of things are odd. I think a lot of us get annoyed with stuff like that even if it seems unreasonable to be bothered.

It is kind of rude to just walk into someone's kitchen and open the refrigerator door. I think adult children do that in their parents' homes. But it doesn't seem natural the other way around.

I don't know. As an adult, after having lived on my own, I'd ask if it was ok if I grabbed myself a drink when at my mom's or grams. Or ask if they had/have anything to snack on even if to help myself, so to speak.
I think it's the courtesy lead in, that I'd find bothersome. Plus reading about the bill from eating out. It's territorial, kind of, in an who's the eldest male. Denotes something deeper, as I think about this.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

Now that I really think about it, I probably have taken my parents' hospitality for granted.

I open my daughters refrigerator when I stay at her house and she opens mine. I don't see it as s big deal especially since your dad takes you all out and pays

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

We try to catch the waitstaff first, as I said. We are successful a lot of the time, but it's a little unequal.

Then they help themselves in your fridge and that kind of makes it equal. Maybe I just don't understand the issue. I'd hate strangers helping themselves but parents and kids are fine especially if these visits are not weekly.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

How about...three or four days a week? For the last month?
We are not together all day, though.

But. They are going back to their home state tomorrow and I will not see them for maybe two or three months. I will miss them and need to not complain.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts on this

I let my mom eat what she wants on my place. And I freely help myself at hers (plus when I go shopping with her I do pay for the groceries a lot of times...).