What happened?

Artchic528 · Apr 13, 2016, 11:01 PM

I messaged a guy on a dating site and he messaged back and we got to talking and had a lot in common. Then he stopped messaging me for a while. I thought all was lost, but then out of the blue, he messaged me again. So I asked to exchange numbers and we did and started texting each other for a while.

We made plans to meet up but he said his work was running late and that we'd have to reschedule. Then he stopped texting me altogether. What happened? I texted him one more time just now asking if something was wrong and if social anxiety was an issue. I thought he might have had cold feet or something and called off the date because of that.

I have a feeling he won't reply though. Any advice or ideas as to what may have happened?

Bill3 · Apr 13, 2016, 11:24 PM

I don't know what happened but I am sorry that it did.

If he doesn't respond to this last text my advice is to conclude that for whatever reason he has decided not to proceed any further.

Artchic528 · Apr 13, 2016, 11:27 PM

*sigh*

Thanks for responding. It seems that I get the short end of the stick a lot. Then people wonder why I am so hostile. I know not everyone scorned me or is to blame for what happened to me, but I am better safe than sorry. This just proves my point that people can't be trusted.

Bill3 · Apr 13, 2016, 11:36 PM

Artchic528 · Apr 13, 2016, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

shezbut · Apr 14, 2016, 01:48 AM

How much time has passed since you last spoke with him?

It's hard to say why he hasn't reached out to you yet. I am sorry that you're feeling hurt and confused.

Apr 14, 2016, 01:59 AM

Please don't put up with that, and I'm not referring to all the huggy emojis.

Bill3 · Apr 14, 2016, 02:30 AM

Fine response from Lefty!

Artchic528 · Apr 14, 2016, 02:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shezbut

How much time has passed since you last spoke with him?

It's hard to say why he hasn't reached out to you yet. I am sorry that you're feeling hurt and confused.

He last texted me last Friday night.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Please don't put up with that, and I'm not referring to all the huggy emojis.

Put up with what? People? Gladly.

Apr 14, 2016, 03:12 AM

This is what i do. I don't know if it is helpful. I text. he texts. I text. he texts. He gets funky for whatever reason. He can't meet for whatever reason.

i tell him:"this is the last time I am texting you." and that is it. Then I find someone else.

People get weird. For whatever reason.

PLZ try not to take it personally.

Apr 14, 2016, 03:25 AM

You gotta play harder ball, like Triple V. Don't take any crap from anyone. It sends the wrong message, that you think you deserve it. You don't.

Artchic528 · Apr 14, 2016, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

You gotta play harder ball, like Triple V. Don't take any crap from anyone. It sends the wrong message, that you think you deserve it. You don't.

Who's Triple V.? I had no clue a ball player named Triple V. even existed. So how am I supposed to play harder ball than a player I didn't even know existed?

Not taking crap from anyone? What does this have to do with not taking crap from anyone? I'm just confused as to what happened is all. You're not making much sense here. I never said I thought I deserved having been treated this way. I clearly said people can't be trusted, and I have been proven so time and time again. I see very little to prove otherwise.

Bill3 · Apr 14, 2016, 04:36 AM

Now let's say he contacts you again and is friendly. He says "I was busy with work." What is your reaction? Are you basically happy and take up with him where you left off, hoping to meet him soon? Or are you angry with him and inclined maybe to not even reply to him? How do you handle this?

Artchic528 · Apr 14, 2016, 05:52 AM

I would be happy, of course. Is that the wrong thing to feel?

divine1966 · Apr 14, 2016, 06:28 AM

I am sorry. It sucks. He is a jerk.

It does happen unfortunately. People decide to not proceed for whatever reason ( which is ok as its not like you know each other, he might decide against dating or met someone or got busy etc) but common courtesy would be to let you know. It's rude of him to not tell you. Certainly if he didn't text since Friday he isn't going to. It's his loss.

In my experience if a man is very interested he'd go to a great length pursuing you, knowing that you are on a dating site he'd worry you meet someone else so he'd make sure he calls texts and meets you preferably very soon. Men don't stop texting all of a sudden if they are interested. It took me many years to realize that if man is into you, he will make it happen. If he isn't then it's his problem and no point to pursue him and you are better off.

I just wish people weren't rude and politely let others know they aren't going to continue. Don't give up. There are good people out there

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Bill3 · 06:51 AM

Quote:

I would be happy, of course. Is that the wrong thing to feel?

Well, first of all there is the distinction between what you feel and what you do.

Feelings are not right or wrong and it isn't wrong to feel happy.

Quote:

You gotta play harder ball, like Triple V [meaning the poster here Valentina VVV, see #10 in this thread]. Don't take any crap from anyone. It sends the wrong message, that you think you deserve it. You don't.

What Lefty is saying, I think, is that the guy has been jerking you around (see bolded material below).

Quote:

Then he stopped messaging me for a while. I thought all was lost, but then out of the blue, he messaged me again. So I asked to exchange numbers and we did and started texting each other for a while.

We made plans to meet up but he said his work was running late and that we'd have to reschedule. [Iirc he said "We'll figure something out.] Then he stopped texting me altogether.

He is not taking your feelings into consideration, he is not being consistently kind. He is, actually, rude.

What are the consequences of his behavior in your relationship with him?

If you are simply happy to have him back, he learns that it doesn't matter whether or not he is a steady, reliable, responsible guy. You are there for him anyways. And so you can expect him to continue being unreliable, inconsiderate, rude. He might be nice at times, but given his behavior so far, the odds are that he is going to bring you heartache if you keep after him. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I would question Lefty when he says "It shows you think you deserve [crap]." I don't know about that. I do think, though, that it shows that you are willing to accept crap. And I also think that if you are willing to accept it, you will get it.

If you are willing to accept crap, you will get crap.

ValentinaVVV's approach is safer. As Lefty says, she doesn't accept any crap. She posted:

Quote:

He gets funky for whatever reason. He can't meet for whatever reason.i tell him:"this is the last time I am texting you." and that is it. Then I find someone else.

My suggestion is to rethink this aspect of relationships. If the guy is flaky, unreliable, rude, if he lets you down, consider dumping him, forgetting about him, and moving on. Play hardball now and spare yourself heartache later.

s4ndm4n2006 · Apr 14, 2016, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

*sigh*

Thanks for responding. It seems that I get the short end of the stick a lot. Then people wonder why I am so hostile. I know not everyone scorned me or is to blame for what happened to me, but I am better safe than sorry. This just proves my point that people can't be trusted.

To be honest, a person that is a potential date, or any other person you haven't met really hasn't given you reason to trust them yet anyway. Even someone that has dated you 2 or 3 times should only be trusted to a certain extent.

My point being don't use this example as a way to write off people in general

This happens and it may, or probably will happen again. Even with that in mind it does not equate to the whole of society, of people globally.

Not minimizing your pain, I understand, have been through it and know what it feels like but only trying help you to move forward with an attitude that won't defeat you or make you feel like there isn't any hope to keep trying. There is. remember, the one guy out there that is right for you is just one -- that is, in millions. So finding him may take searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack!

Hope this helps

divine1966 · Apr 14, 2016, 02:55 PM

I am in agreement with bill on this. This guy did come across as either rude or disinterested in you from the beginning. I just wished he was up front about if rather than dragging you along and being indirect. But trust me they aren't all this way. He is bad news and probably saved you a headache by not meeting. There are nice people out there

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divine1966 · Apr 14, 2016, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I would be happy, of course. Is that the wrong thing to feel?

It's not wrong to feel whatever you feel. It's understandable but you don't need to act on your feelings.

The guy is impolite and not considerate plus he doesn't seem to be interested in you enough ( you are the one asking him for the phone number and you are one asking to meet and when he isn't rescheduling you are the one to ask what's going on)-those are signs of him not being that interested and rather following your lead. If he gets back to you I honestly wouldn't continue with him but politely tell him that you aren't interested and move on

You deserve way better and you should go for it!

Apr 14, 2016, 03:35 PM

Anything could have happened though...

Illness, hospitalization, family tragedy.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt until I know for sure.

And sometimes people are rude.

TishaBuv · Apr 14, 2016, 06:51 PM

I remember in other posts you mentioned that you were the one to approach the guy. Assuming you had approached this guy first, makes me think he was either slightly put off that you did that and/or not really interested in you. Some guys are put off by aggressive women. And some guys who are not interested, will do anything to avoid confrontation, and lead on a woman and then just disappoint her, rather than just being honest up front.

I'm not saying you did anything wrong. This is just my gut feeling about what happened from my experience.

Unless he comes back profusely apologizing to you with a great excuse, forget him. He wasn't right for you.

Apr 14, 2016, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I had no clue a ball player named Triple V. even existed.

I'd been doing the best I've been for months today, but that statement just made my week. Thank you. You and I are not communicating successfully, but I'm willing to keep trying. You're taking my pretentious writing too literally, and for me to explain exactly what I meant is going to take the fun out of it. Please understand that I mean well.

Artchic528 · Apr 14, 2016, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I remember in other posts you mentioned that you were the one to approach the guy. Assuming you had approached this guy first, makes me think he was either slightly put off that you did that and/or not really interested in you. Some guys are put off by aggressive women. And some guys who are not interested, will do anything to avoid confrontation, and lead on a woman and then just disappoint her, rather than just being honest up front.

I'm not saying you did anything wrong. This is just my gut feeling about what happened from my experience.

Unless he comes back profusely apologizing to you with a great excuse, forget him. He wasn't right for you.

Then I am not going to go on OKCupid anymore. Who needs men.