I think I'm the problem ...

Hello Friends,

I'm writing in hopes that I can get some stuff off my chest tonight. And in response to my previous thread over a month ago in March when I began seeing a co-worker.

Well... we went on three really great dates around the time I posted that thread then all of a sudden things changed and I got this feeling that he lost interest in me. I stopped asking him to do things (although I really wanted his time) and I never saw him outside of work and stopped texting him because I knew that he wouldn't ever respond. Fast forward to this week when I finally confronted him and told him how I felt. All this time, he acted like nothing was wrong and I will admit that I did too (partly because I didn't want to cause a scene at work and didn't want to seem 'crazy'). Inside, my gut was telling me loud and clear that it's not going to work between us. I even cried a couple times.

When I told him how I felt, he told him I was pressuring him. But really, I just wanted answers why he was just acting like everything was OK. He even mentioned that he knew it was going to turn out this way two months ago. We talked about it some more and he said he is just afraid of commitment, he can't give me a straight answer and that it's him, not me (whatever).

Boy, do I feel stupid. Long story short, I just told him I wanted to remain friends because I don't hate him. I just feel hurt and incredibly, incredibly dumb for crossing the line.

It's going to be a tough road for however long we work together (which probably won't be much longer). So .. in short, I think I am the problem here. I get curious, I wonder, I wonder why he doesn't call or why the guy never texts. I wonder if I'm the reason for things ending the way they do. Why do guys do this to me and why do I let them? This happened with another guy just about six months ago. I thought I learned my lesson but I always end up getting hurt.

Anyway, for those of you who gave your opinion before, thank you. For those of you who are thinking 'I told you so', I already know. It sucks. Big time.

C'mon
Don't be that hard with yourself, you're just trying to know the right guy

Well, if you let me ask. Do you feel you actually pressured him?

It happened something similar with me, but i am the guy (and was the guy in the story too haha). Let me explain you my story as an example.

I saw a friend wich i had years without knoing a thing, and... i'm not gonna lie to you, i couldn't remember her name.

She gave me her number and then (thanks to god), she told me "Hi, i'm "insert name here"!

So... I kind of knew where she wanted to go. She started to "plan" and idealizing a lot of stuff with me!, for example, walking her dog, make her company, teaching her boxing, etc.

I knew she wanted something more than a friendship. She's a good girl and deserves better, but i'm not at the same "frequency" than her, so... I couldn't think of a way to take some distance.

I never had any sorts of problems with going out with friends. But when i did it with her, she took it as a date.
I never have tried to give her any expectations from me, like calling her friend everytime i could, telling her i didn't feel ready to a relationship, etc.
After that "sort of date", she basically offered me a friendship with benefits.

As a guy, i almost acceded. But i knew it couldn't end well, so i declined and that was the last time i knew about her.

Believe me, i feel bad, but i could've don a lot worse.

My point is, you DON'T feel like you pressured him?
It's not like they wouldn't love you, it may be that they don't wish to hurt you

I'm sorry that it didn't work out.

I see what you mean. And maybe that's where I always mess up... When I start to think everything is a date and plan things to do. Instead of keeping my expectations low, I end up wanting more because I make the mistake of thinking that if a guy really likes me like he says, he would want to make an effort. I don't think I pressured him. In fact, I stopped initiating and still, he didn't take the hint. Whats a girl to do?

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I always say I won't mess it up but then i just get so impatient and want to spend time with him. Idk, maybe we're just not meant for each other.

Well you asked why guys don't call or text. They do when they are interested. They don't if they aren't interested.

under normal circumstances if you went on three dates and it didn't work out it wouldn't be a big deal. But when you work together then you are forced to see each other at work. It's awkward. I'd avoid dating at work.

I don't think you messed it up. Sometimes it just doesn't work.

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Sorry it didnt work out and that you are hurting.