Women,how many messages do you get on online dating

im not sure if im getting enough messages lately and it's always from people that are not my type.
For reference im using okcupid.

Same here, it's usually from guys who I have no interest in whatsoever. I'm also using OKCupid.

Well that's odd I changed my pic from a pic with a filter to no filter and I got five messages right away.weird.

What do you mean filter? A filter on the photo?

A filter on the photo.

A lot, I don't get to go through all of them I'm chatting there for an hour replying. Women tend to get more first messages right?

please DO NOT quote ANY SELECTION of my post. thank you. have a good day.

Jan, how do you get so many messages? What's the secret?

When I was in my mid 30s and did online dating first time around I received so many messages that I was unable to even read them all, let alone respond of date that many, when I joined match.com I got around 100 messages in first few days. Other sites were not as many as other sites had smaller pool. But overall it was a lot so I think when you are young you do get bunch.

Well when I was single again at 48-49 and joined couple of dating sites I didn't get many at all, what a difference age makes. I was getting maybe one new one a day? Sometimes just few new ones a week.

Well it apparently only takes one, as long as he is the right one but age does make a difference


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Again, what's the secret? I'm in my early 30's and not getting very many messages.

The first thing guys look for is the photos then they will read the profile. Is that shallow? Well, it's the truth. Have a couple of clear photos for yourself, preferably to the whole body, at leasst in some photos. When I was on OKcupid, some girls were trying to hide something in the photos. For example, they didn't mention their body type and height, and the photos didn't show neither one, as all of them were for the face. I didn't messaged those girls, as I was afraid of surprises if things went well. There is nothing wrong with any body type or height, but let people know, and thus wanting to meet you with no surprises.

I HAVE clear pictures. Two head shots. TWO!!

I also clearly state my height, and that I am of average body weight. I don't try and hide anything.

Again, I am asking: WHAT'S THE SECRET?!?!?!?!?!

I joined one yesterday and have received 10. I am 50. I used to get a lot more when I was younger.

Art^ a lot of them wanted instantly go to text or kik. So they were probably sexual. I know you are against that, but...?

....So that's the secret....to say that you want casual sex and the attention will come pouring in?

Sounds cheap to me.

No I didn't say that. But thanks for the insult. It said I am looking for a relationship. This is a different web site. I left occupied because some man stalked me.

What I am telling you is that a lot of men go on there looking for sex. I have tried to say that to you delicately.

That is the way of the world. Some single people like to have casual sex. Not all of them. But some of them. Especially on dating sites.

So, quit judging me and calling me cheap. Thanks.

...I am not judging....just expressing my opinion. Am I not allowed an opinion?

Where do the majority of men go to look when they want something more serious?

Also, thanks for discouraging me even more.

This. ^ OK. Bluntly put.

Of course you are allowed an opinion.

I am just telling it to you in a straight way. If you don't want any sex, go to Christian dating.

No matter what a woman puts, she will get a certain amount of men who ignore what she writes and just go with hormones.

I want sex, of course, just not without being in a relationship and feeling strongly for the guy first.

Christian dating sites would work, if I were Christian.

Well, then, I am of no more help. Sorry.

If I had a dime for every time that was said to me...

I used to get a ton, most of them I ignored because they were definitely not my type, like outside my age range (I'm talking they were 19, I'm 38), or it was a message like, "Hey," which I got tired of responding "Hey" back to (just read my profile, and ask a question) or something really crude.

I noticed that if I changed my profile picture, I'd get a surge in messages. I think it's because it shows up in the newsfeed whenever you change your profile in some way, so you're more visible. I also noticed that when I was online I'd get a lot. Even if it just appeared as though I was online but I wasn't actually on the app. Women do tend to get a lot of messages on there. I don't know how many I got because I usually deleted them right away if I wasn't chatting with them.

Well, we don't know the secret for your dating profile because we don't know you. And, to be blunt (but not trying to be mean), shouting at the forum when we don't respond in a specific way doesn't make people want to respond more. Neither does cutting down someone who responded to you after you asked, repeatedly, for a response.

But, I will respond, because I understand the dating world is frustrating. I get it, and I'm sorry that it's frustrating for you. I, personally Googled how to write a profile, and followed some of those tips because my profile writing skills weren't that great, even though I do know how to write, otherwise. I tend to want to write a lot on my profile (imagine that ) but tbh, most guys don't read through all of that. So the recommendation is to tell about you as concisely as possible so that they will be interested, and if a conversation sparks, you can get to know each other further. I have also found that most men want more than a couple of photos. I had two posted, and got about 5 messages which simply read, "More photos!!" How demanding. But I did put more up.

As for sex, yeah, it tends to be an important factor on sites like OkC. I hate to say it but the majority on those free sites are looking for casual sex or short term dating, not anything too deep. If long term is what you want, it may be better to try a site that is more geared toward people who are looking for something more long term, like Match or eHarmony. It's unfair to get upset at the site or the people...most people go on there with that in mind. Like they say, don't hate the player, hate the game. I'm not saying people haven't found lasting relationships on OkC, I'm just saying that's not what that site is primarily used for. (After using it intermittently for the last 10 years, I feel confident in this fact.)

I tried both Match and eHarmony. Match wound up being a waste of time because even less guys messaged me there, and eHarmony wouldn't even match me up with anyone. Also, I can't afford to keep paying to be a member on those sites all the time when only 5 guys a month (all of which I'm not even attracted to btw) even notice me enough to click the "like" button, let alone the single message I get.

So, OKCupid is my go to for now. Guess I'm pretty much screwed, eh?

Also, I wasn't cutting down anyone. Just voicing my opinion. Why are people so touchy about me voicing my opinion on here anyways? Whenever I do voice my opinion, all I get is a massive "Don't be so judgmental" back in my face. It's not fair for me to have to keep my opinions to myself, for fear of severe backlash when I do share them. Isn't it judgmental of someone to demean and belittle their opinion anyways? So, with that I say, don't judge me.

Yes I think that's it! But the image does look clearer too,I get lots of messages in pof but not Okcupid.

I wrote a really long profile,very detailed and I hope that my soulmate or whoever will appreciate it, that it will somehow weed out the users etc who are just looking for a quick bedding.
I had a nice literature teacher write to me today who also had a really detailed profile with many quotes etc.