I don't want to age

I am 28 and the thought of aging makes me want to kill myself. I just hate everything that society has attached to being older. Especially being an older male. Pretty much everything that makes life worthwhile to me they want to take it away. **** that.

I don't think older males have it so bad, actually. Check out Hugh Hefner.

For real, though, the man I was talking to for a bit is 7 years older than me (he's 44). When he was 39, he was in a long term relationship with a pretty girl 10 years his junior. I mean, yeah, he was fit, active, and looked really good...even with the bald head and salt and pepper goatee. But he was still with a much younger woman (and has also been with women his own age). That's the example which readily comes to mind, but the point is that if you're taking care of yourself, age is just a number.

I know it seems scary, and I didn't love the idea of reaching my 30's, but it isn't so bad. And I probably wouldn't go back to my 20's for anything; I had a lot of fun at times but overall, they were too tumultuous.

I hear you ... the thought of turning the big '40' in 2 years time kind of freaks me out.

But heck I hope it's what they say - 40 is the new 30s!

It's not as bad as the alternative.

I'm sorry you have absorbed negative messages about ageing, this may be cultural, in some cultures older people have special status as wise respected people.

Some things about ageing can be bad, like physical deterioration for some (it's not like that for everyone, and if you look after yourself it might not be for you), but I have also found increased self confidence, and better perspective among the positive things. I'm not really old yet, just in the middle, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I work with the elderly and know some pretty amazing people, I appreciate their perspective and wisdom, and zest for life.

Society attached nothing to being old whatsoever. In fact nowadays people remain active pretty much their whole life and there is no stigma anymore about being older. How does society take away anything from older males? I think you should focus on your life now not what happens when you are old. You seem to worry too much about "society". It doesn't want you to date and now doesn't want you to age etc no such thing. Just live your life

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Just wanted to add that sure I don't look like when I was 28 but I am still pretty damn hot at 50 lol Life isn't over. I am marrying a man who is 50 as well and outside of grey hair there is nothing old about him just relax.

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I believe that if you realize the society you keep blaming is in fact you, it will lead to a much happier Shadix.



It will allow you the freedom to change your perspectives and make the choices you so dearly want to make.


But as long as you blame phantoms for holding you hostage, you will always be a slave to their phantom perceptions, and expectations.


Free yourself Shadix, you're the only member of this society that really has a say in your life.


Date who you want and age gracefully, defy what you perceive to be the expectations of strangers... Its really your choice.


Orrrr if you really want to, write a "society made me do it" note.


Still your choice, and you have the freedom to choose what is good and right for you,


I have to say though, I'm a fan of the former as opposed to the latter.

I am 51. I wanted to die most of my life. This past 8 years I learned to want to live. Now I am afraid of dying and mourn my lost years.

One thing I will tell you about growing older. Spirit doesn't change. I still feel like I am the same person I always was. I think I will be 80 and checking out cute butts on guys.

I find my taste in men grows as I grow. While I can still appreciate a nice young stud, I find older men quite attractive too.

Of course, age isn't just about looks, but just saying - you will not loose the lion within you. In fact, his muscles will broaden, his disposition calm, yet more aware. There is much to be said about growing older.

You young fox. Your age is practically perfect for getting anyone from 18 - 80. The world is your oyster.

FYI, what you feel isn't wrong, it is how you feel. But feelings ebb and flow with time. You won't always feel like this.

My grandparents often tell me that they feel the same inside as they did when they were in their 20s, so you're right, spirit doesn't change.

OMG! Your signature has a line from Desiderata in it! That is my favorite poem, and I often share that with people to give inside.

Hugs!

Here is the thing though. Why would it be so unfathomable that a physically fit 39 year old guy could get a 29 year old woman? If it was a physically fit 39 year old woman, nobody would doubt for a second that 29 year old guys and even 19 year old guys would go for her. People seem to assume that a guy's age, regardless of what he looks like, makes him undesirable to younger women. And this is something that concerns me. It tells me that no matter how much I take care of myself(work out, groom myself, dress fashionably, etc.), I will still be seen as less desirable because of my age. Meanwhile, nice looking 30something women are still considered every bit as attractive as younger women. So what then, will women my own age be out of my league too when I am over 30?

If someone is attractive, they are attractive to people in general, not just people past a certain age. So when women in their 30s and older comment that "no young woman would be interested in a 30something man, they want hot guys their own age", what they are really saying is that they themselves find men over 30(their own age) undesirable.

Right now I actually get mistaken for a 21-22 year old all the time. Today a lady actually mistook me for being my 19 year old brother's twin. And he does not look a day over 19. I was surprised by that one. I hope it lasts. If it does, I might start lying about my age in a few years, since it seems women are so hung up on whether you are a 20something or 30something.

Have you tried asking younger women out? Unless you tried how do you know if you are undesirable? Plenty of men date younger women. There are no rules about it

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Are ya kidding? I like them older!!! Lots of women like older men. Perhaps you're just not old enough for that yet?

Not that I haven't hit that pinnacle of noticing them younger, myself.

Actually if I am reading the signs correctly, it seems like many younger women find me desirable. But these younger women don't know my age. And because of the way I look and dress, they probably assume I am younger than I am. What happens when the 21 year old girl who thinks I'm cute finds out I'm 28? And in a couple years when I am 30? For a guy it wouldn't matter, and he would likely find the woman more desirable because she's older. But according to what many women post online, it would seem that it does matter to young women, and that even the most gorgeous guy becomes undesirable once they find out he is "older". This sort of makes getting older way more depressing and scary to me.

I think you're worrying unecessarily.

Most 21 year olds won't think a 28 year old is old - not unless they are very immature that is.

Seriously, a 21 & 28 year old are both still youngsters. Don't fear ageing but at the same time don't worry your life away!

You don't know, and neither do I, how they are going to react when women find out your age. Unless you ask them out, you'll never know.

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I don't...I'm sorry, but I'm not really following the logic in this post. Maybe it's just me.

You say that of course a fit 29 y/o woman can get anyone, even a 19 y/o. (Actually, I am not particularly fit, but I've had 19 y/o's ask me out...not that I am interested in guys almost 20 years my junior.) You say that of course a fit 39 y/o man can get anyone and then say that no matter what you do, even if you take care of yourself, you will only be judged for your age.

All of this contradicts itself.

I think it just boils down to being happy with who you are. People appreciate that more than anything else, really.

The point I was making was that when the discussion is about a a woman in her 30s or 40s getting with a 19 year old guy, nobody is the slightest bit surprised that the young guy would be interested. That is because most people believe older women are still sexy. But when it is about a 30 year old man getting with a 21 or 22 year old girl, the reaction is always "he must have money" or "she must have daddy issues". What does that tell you? It tells me that people take it as a given that young women find men over 30 unattractive. Apparently even handsome men over 30. Why else would you see it as a noteworthy accomplishment that your physically fit 39 year old friend is dating a 29 year old woman?

Nobody doubts that a woman would be attracted to a good looking man her own age. Nobody doubts that woman would be attracted to a good looking younger man. But then when it's a good looking older man, everyone assumes the woman will not be attracted to him on account of his age. EVEN when the guy is only in his early 30s. Why is this?

The "everyone" you speak of is you.


So only you know the answer to this question.

I am 50 and have dated men from ages 30-56. I am very young acting and have 2 teens.

I would date a man of any age who I felt an attraction to and had something to talk about. There are all kinds.

I would think a 28 yr old man would be very popular with both young women and older women?

Please someone explain to me how a fear of aging OP evolved into yet another "society won't allow me to date" post....

Has anyone other than you on this thread stated that a younger woman would not be attracted to an older man?

I suggest you read up a bit on the psychology of attraction, on reputable psychology sites, I can tell you from personal experience it's a broad spectrum. In fact if you go on the women focused support on here, you can't post on there but you can read, there is a thread about what women find attractive in a man. You can see the kind of varience I'm talking about, but there are some common themes.

Agreed 100%. I don't see the point of adulthood at all. I don't want a career or kids or a mortgage; I don't want to be rich or famous or remembered or any of that. I just want to be a kid again because everything was so much simpler then.