:( isolated and alone

I feel bored and sad and i have no friends in this country
i am isolated and alone
and so angry underneath it for isolating myself to the point that nothing satisfies me anymore. I don't know how to stop doing isolating myself and all I know is I will end up killing myself if I keep on doing it!!!

Well, I certainly hope you don't kill yourself ...

If you do, there will be a hole in this Universe where you're supposed to be and that will be a very sad thing!

It is time for you to empower yourself and get away from this toxic miasma of family stew in which you live! Until you do that, NOTHING ... And I Repeat ... NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE!

I know it's difficult! I know it's hard! I walked away from my toxic family of origin 23 years ago with next to nothing on my back and no support from them whatsoever. It hasn't been easy, but I did it and I'm still standing ... And, SO CAN YOU!

My only regret is that it took me 33.5 years to do it! I hope you don't wait that long, because if you do, it will take that much longer and be all that much harder to heal and recover from the traumas that will continue to compound daily until you get away.

I don't care if you have to wash dishes, clean rooms, work behind the counter of some fast food joint or pull 3rd shift at a convenience store ...

Just. Do. It. ... !!!

Until you take that leap, you will never know what you're capable of because if your female parental unit is anything like mine was, she's got you pretty convinced that you'll never amount to anything and fall flat on your face without her! Eff That BS! That's all it is ... BS that's meant to continue to manipulate and control you!

Has my life turned out like I wanted it or envisioned it to be? ... NO!

It's turned out to be even better than anything I ever thought it could or would be! What with all the twists and turns, surprises and discoveries I've made about myself along the way, I never would have FOUND ME had I not walked off and left it all behind me all those years ago!

You deserve a life of your own, free from the intrusion of your family - especially your female parental unit (she has seriously crossed boundaries as far as where she ends and you begin goes) - And, as difficult as obtaining this freedom is, it's up to you to go for it.

I've come a long ways in 23 years, and I still have a ways to go, but it's nice to walk in the door at the end of the day and not have all that drama, trauma and abuse waiting on the the other side.

Hoping you can make your escape sooner than later, otherwise, it will just be more of the same old same old until you do!



Sincerely,
Pfrog!

This really helps thank I am working at myfreecams I may not like it all that much but it is the only job I can get with the limited amount of qualifications I have I wanted to aim higher but this is what i can do at the moment at this stage i dont care what the job is as long as it gets me able to leave this place. I got $50 last time and it was hard but I did it and I want to continue to get far

good luck things can only get better according to where you are now.that is something i learned from people i used to go to a day treatment center.

You don't need much qualifications to do simple jobs like working in a grocery store or any retail or factory etc plenty of jobs require no special skills

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No there is no jobs I can't do anything I am to adhd for anything so I have to do this because I fail everything I do

Many of my students have ADHD in addition to other disabilities yet they work. If you are unable to maintain employment you need help from mental health services or from disability services to help you maintain a job. ADHD is not something that is considered serious enough reason not to work. Are you taking your Meds regularly?


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Not that it matters that much if at all, but as a very new member here, with extreme isolation due to sudden loss of work but in the back ground personality disorders according to DSM in the anxiety cluster specifically a combination of avoidant and dependent PD, I am curious what is causing you to isolate as you are doing.

It is hell regardless, and I wish you the best and encourage you as others have to START or things will never change.

PS: I am waiting on resolving some medical problems to get back to work where the isolation is not as overwhelming, but regardless of work there is still the time away from work I must deal with. I must seek out others for companionship, as they don't knock down my doors.

Yeah, I just get angry at the possibility of having boyfriends so I try and isolate myself as much as I can just in case someone takes a fancy to me I dont even know why I am worried about it I honestly dont see a boy or anyone ever taking a fancy to me so I dont know why I am so paranoid. I also do it because I don't want to deal with the hurt of people finding out who I really am and leaving me and then hurting me when I tried to help them. It happens all the time and literally all my relationships always end up with them breaking my trust or I break there trust they break me and then leave. Then I am left hurt and angry at all those who broke my trust then I feel like I am better off alone and I also do it to hurt and spite others by being in my loneliness

It's almost like a f-you statement to the world.

I feel very bad for you.. I know you are in a huge amount of pain and this raging and hating the world by far is eating away at you..

Can you list 3 things that you like about yourself and why???

I don't know where all the anger comes from but I like that I have been very strong in my ideas and my identity that I haven't changed even when others disagree. I have gotten a strong back bone I have become very assertive not only with my mother but with others. I have become so angry I can't take people's **** anymore and I always speak up and say how I feel about it. I have my talents with calming and entertaining children, I am good at art and craft. I also am good at singing and writing how I feel in very articulate song poetry

Standing up for yourself is great , I hope you can figure out how to lessen the intense anger over time, so your able to just be assertive with not having the underlying driving force !

Entertaining children??? That is HUGE .. Since my daughter has grown up , now 25... I seemed to have lost that ability and those little people seem impossible for me to handle.

Arts , crafts singing and writing ? That is fabulous ! You have so much talent.

I am so glad that you shared these wonderful things about yourself. Thank you

No worries it was nice to focus on my nice things then the anger I have which is not really rational and sometimes don't make any sense as there really is no trigger for me at times just directless anger.

Where in Australia are you,, I'm in Perth....

Anyway I do hope that things are getting better,

I moved over to Australia on my own, all my family are in the uk, this was not the way I wanted to move over here, there was a plan and I was coming over with a few friends, but this was changed at the last min and due to my visa I had to come over..

I'm working and in a shared house, but I am just going through the motions at the moment, and I don't make friends easily.

I understand where you are at the moment, and I'm sure you have had the this said to you like "join this,that and the other" but it's not easy..

I feel for you my dear and hope it gets better.

Take it from someone who has tried to end their life,, it's not worth it,, it's so not,,, I at the moment do feel like it's get up, go to work, come home, go to bed.
But I'm on the hope that things will change for the better soon,,, I'm just waiting

Huggies xx

I am also in perth and I can't wait to finally get there do something

You don't take Meds and have too much idle time not working. Combo of these things probably not helping the case.

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That is very true and then doing a job for the sake of money and not priotizoring my happiness is so wrong and so not worth it. If the job isnt my identity and doesn't make me 100% happy i shouldn't be doing it this is what I learnt from all this the money isnt worth it if its not for something you believe it.

Money would allow you to be more "proactive" in your life as opposed to you needing to defend yourself all the time.

Money would indeed help you with self worth, it will give you a purpose.. a means to move out on your own and not have to deal with the upset in your life at home all the time.

The reality is many people have worked or are working a job that just isn't what they really want ... I know I have. But..... you need money, you need more structure in your life, You need to take control of your own life.. and Money is going to help you do things to improve your life.

Life just doesn't work that way. We don't wake up and suddenly have a career in our ideal field. We often go through several jobs in order to pay the bills and build up work experience before we get a position in the occupation we desire.

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Well for me I want to be doing a job that at least i have pride for me. Heck, I would love to be a volunteer for bushrangers but seriously. This job, no the money is so little and I honestly think I could find a job that pays slightly better even if its just flipping burgers. Anything but this **** which I hate

It is nice to have a job that you love but most people need to pay bills so they often take whatever job at the moment so they can go buy food . Frankly it's a luxury to be able not to work. You don't work because others support you. Not everyone has the luxury. Most people have to pay rent and eat.

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I'm 38 y/o and have just started working my "dream" job. And I don't 100% love it. However, the starting pay is great and will only increase. What I would absolutely have loved to do is be a musician, and I was a music major. But I had to mix doing something I like with following what would actually land me a reliable job, so I chose medicine. And again, I don't love it 100%, but I don't hate it. I like that I am scheduled 3 days a week because I work 12 hour shifts, and I tend to have 3 or 4 days off in a row. And I just plain like the medical field.

I was out with some colleagues last night, and we were all discussing if we'd choose medicine again. Most of them said no. It's pretty effing hard. But none of us would change it at this point.

That's exactly like me I wanted to be a singer and make my own music so I finally started studying it at college but now I had to defer it because I am travelling to Madeira to see family. I am worried that I wouldn't have enough spending money so I started working as a CamGirl.