This guy in my life who happens to be my colleague and once upon a time good friend.
We moved out of friend zone area, a big mistake definitely. I always liked hanging out with him but not really making out with him. I was going over making out sessions because I don't have any other friends and I liked being with him. But, when we don't like something we would one day take out the frustration it causes on someone. That is exactly what I did. I took all the frustration out on him blaming him for my misery. This guy is cheating on his wife who hasn't been faithful to him.

We broke up then from both whatever relationship we had and even friendship. I'm completely alone now, no friends at all... except one online friend who stays in other continent.

I think about him all the time. It has been 6 months since our last personal interaction, we do have to talk in office where he doesn't meet my eyes ever.
I miss him, I want to hang out with him again. I don't want to ask anything to him because I don't want to make out with him again. I've tried all sorts of distractions, but I can't help but wish he comes back.

Please help me to get him out of my mind.

[FIND_THE_FLOW]

I'm new to this forum so I dont want to start posting all kinds of suggestions when I know as little as the next guy.. With that being said, I have had a (somewhat) similar situation in my life.... Perhaps more detail can be added someday. For now I just wanted to try to respond and perhaps help with some piece of mind.... One thing I felt strongly from your post was the pain you have from not seeing him any longer... It hurts so so much.. And im so sorry that you hurt.. Its been 6 months... Many times that can be when it hurts the most... The reality begins to set in... I know everyone must tell you the same thing but its true.. It WILL get better... I want to say 6 months from now it will improve but the pain and just wanting to know what he is doing most likely wont be gone... A yr and a half and the sting will begin to be less painful. The first time you realize that you didnt think about him all day will be the first REAL day of recovery.. at least it seemed that way for me... Problem is that most likely it will only be the following day that you realize you didnt think of him... There are healthy ways to deal with this.. Ways to distract.. Ways to lesson the guilt.... If you come back to this post and read mine I'd like to give you some tricks that helped me...

I dont claim to have the answers . I've made many many mistakes and live with a lot of regret.. But I've learned that getting advice from multiple ppl and then combining it in my own way is how I often find solutions.... take care

Thanks Find_the_flow. Though you are new but your response is too apt.
I wasn't getting response to my post and so I had posted in three forums. You had been very kind to respond to me. Thank You

[tabenda]

Hi Anonymous, I've missed and gone back to relationships, friendships that weren't healthy myself. These relationships always ultimately hurt me. They hurt who I am. But they stop the pain in the moment, they stop the missing. But that instant gratification is short term and ultimately kept me from growing. Sometimes I wonder if I've been choosing people I knew couldn't work out because I wasn't ready. I just broke off a relationship with someone I've been doing this with for three years now. Each time I ignored the problems (For instance in your situation, your friend was married) and chose that momentary, perceived happiness over my long term emotional health. Today, I can look at the situation and know that it's not right for me, but I miss it. I dislike the sadness and pain. I want him to erase it, make it feel better. But I know I can't do that. I have to trust my path. I have to hold out for long term happiness. I want to keep myself open for the possibility of meeting the right partner, or even the right best friend, than settle for the relationship that I know is going to bring as much sadness as happiness.

So what I'm trying to do is let him go and open myself to new possibilities. Distracting myself from thoughts of him and focusing on myself help, but take persistence. Expanding my circle of acquaintances, though difficult, is a key focus. Trying to be in the moment, wherever I am is a struggle that I might turn to meditation to help with. I'm also trying to do things that make me feel good without him. And I'm looking at myself and trying to figure out what would really make me happy and how do I go about getting there.

Best of luck to you.

Welcome to PC.

I have been going through the cycle of missing and going back to someone who was incredibly toxic for me and it's just not worth the pain of breaking things off, restarting with baggage, only to break it off again. If I had only had to grieve once, way back at the beginning of April when he was gone the first time, I would have been over him by now. But instead, we trudged through weeks more of push and pull and I'm finally now just saying absolutely no more. And I have to say it hurt a little more each time things fell apart. And the crazy thing is, even though I know he breaks my heart every time, I still want him to contact me, and if he did, I probably would get sucked right back in. And the result would probably be devastating.

It's really, really hard, I know. But you gotta ride it out and allow the feelings to just...die. They will, eventually. Don't feed them by going back, making out, fantasizing, chatting him up. Just treat him like a stranger. It will get better. It's slow, but it will get better.

[tabenda]

Originally Posted by Ruari

Welcome to PC.

I have been going through the cycle of missing and going back to someone who was incredibly toxic for me and it's just not worth the pain of breaking things off, restarting with baggage, only to break it off again. If I had only had to grieve once, way back at the beginning of April when he was gone the first time, I would have been over him by now. But instead, we trudged through weeks more of push and pull and I'm finally now just saying absolutely no more. And I have to say it hurt a little more each time things fell apart. And the crazy thing is, even though I know he breaks my heart every time, I still want him to contact me, and if he did, I probably would get sucked right back in. And the result would probably be devastating.

It's really, really hard, I know. But you gotta ride it out and allow the feelings to just...die. They will, eventually. Don't feed them by going back, making out, fantasizing, chatting him up. Just treat him like a stranger. It will get better. It's slow, but it will get better.

Ruari, I am in the same place as you. I want him to contact me, though I know I'm better off without. I even told him that I was angry that we both allowed ourselves to get to the brink of being okay without each other and then dove back into a relationship. I wish that I hadn't. I wish that I had continued to get over him. I think I could now be happy if I had.