Stolen money on trip, maybe husband took it back?

divine1966 · Jun 14, 2016, 05:55 AM

Also have you considered to take a loan? You don't need to pay out of pocket for school. And community college or trade school are inexpensive.

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eskielover · Jun 14, 2016, 09:40 AM

Quote:

I'm really scared to work again as it could trigger panic attacks again even with meds. I haven't had any panic attacks for awhile, but that can change if I go back to work. This makes me very nervous.

taking a loan for education under these circumstances isn't wise especially if she has doubt that she can work to pay back the loan in the first place even if she does make it through the education. Especially Fanny Mae loans are NOT FORGIVING about not getting paid back & they aren't let off in any bankruptcy. They already have maxed out credit cards that aren't being paid off. Which is also unwise if in truth her H really is sitting with 20,000 in the bank account all the time. Those small credit cards & their high interest the H would be stupid not to pay off unless it's his way of keeping shy from spending any more money.

IceCreamKid · Jun 14, 2016, 09:53 AM

What about cleaning houses or offices to make some extra money? I don't think you'd have to interact with many people doing that and a dollar is a dollar. I would set up my own checking account with only my name on it. Squirrel away the odd dollar or two and your paychecks in that.

The reality is that if something happens to him you need to be able to fend for yourself. Remind him of that if he goes off on your decision to start making your own money and paying for your own small pleasures and bills out of your own checking account.

eskielover · Jun 14, 2016, 09:55 AM

Taking student loan out in her financial situation would be terribly UNWISE......

Quote:

I'm really scared to work again as it could trigger panic attacks again even with meds. I haven't had any panic attacks for awhile, but that can change if I go back to work. This makes me very nervous.

No guarantee that she would end up with a huge loan & no way to pay it back.....& student loans aren't pardonable under ANY bankruptcy.

As for the small credit cards that are sitting there maxed out, paying all that interest. If in fact the H does have a bank account sitting there at 20,000 it wouldn't be wise for him to let 3 credit cards under 1000 sit there unpaid off unless it's his way of keeping shy's spending under control.

I just don't get a good big picture of this situation

Quote:

Do you know how hard it is to live off cash only? I sure do! 90% of the debt was HIS due to advertising costs that he couldn't afford to pay. He was in over his head at about !00,000 or more. I only had $16,000 in debt. That's a lot, but nothing compared to his debt. I was NOT told about the bankruptcy UNTIL the last minute. I had to sign some paperwork. He hides almost everything from me!

Yes, I do know how hard it is to live on cash only, that is THE ONLY WAY I LIVE & it's the only responsible way to live. Paying interest on credit makes EVERYTHING cost more than you think it costs. 16,000 is a huge amount & it's NOT relative to his amount, it's a sign of your own lack of responsible spending. I know because I've been there too & would NEVER go back there. I would NEVER live on anything but the cash I have available & I save up monthly for my annual expenses so that the money is RIGHT THERE when I need it. The only credit I ever use are the ones where there is absolutely NO interest charge & I may have 6-18 months to pay it off. I take the amount & divide it by the number of months & make that payment monthly so that it's completely paid off by the time any interest would be charged. Things are expensive enough. I don't need to add interest costs on top of that. I got my BS degree in accounting along with computer science & It feels so good living on my own to handle my finances responsibly the way I learned was wise in my education & not have someone fighting against what is wise.

divine1966 · Jun 14, 2016, 11:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

taking a loan for education under these circumstances isn't wise especially if she has doubt that she can work to pay back the loan in the first place even if she does make it through the education. Especially Fanny Mae loans are NOT FORGIVING about not getting paid back & they aren't let off in any bankruptcy. They already have maxed out credit cards that aren't being paid off. Which is also unwise if in truth her H really is sitting with 20,000 in the bank account all the time. Those small credit cards & their high interest the H would be stupid not to pay off unless it's his way of keeping shy from spending any more money.

She doesn't need Fanny Mae. Just needs to fill out FAFSA. I never paid s penny out of my pocket and always took a loan. Well if one doesn't intend to work there is no point to go to school. That's for sure

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divine1966 · Jun 14, 2016, 11:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

Taking student loan out in her financial situation would be terribly UNWISE......

No guarantee that she would end up with a huge loan & no way to pay it back.....& student loans aren't pardonable under ANY bankruptcy.

As for the small credit cards that are sitting there maxed out, paying all that interest. If in fact the H does have a bank account sitting there at 20,000 it wouldn't be wise for him to let 3 credit cards under 1000 sit there unpaid off unless it's his way of keeping shy's spending under control.

I just don't get a good big picture of this situation

Yes, I do know how hard it is to live on cash only, that is THE ONLY WAY I LIVE & it's the only responsible way to live. Paying interest on credit makes EVERYTHING cost more than you think it costs. 16,000 is a huge amount & it's NOT relative to his amount, it's a sign of your own lack of responsible spending. I know because I've been there too & would NEVER go back there. I would NEVER live on anything but the cash I have available & I save up monthly for my annual expenses so that the money is RIGHT THERE when I need it. The only credit I ever use are the ones where there is absolutely NO interest charge & I may have 6-18 months to pay it off. I take the amount & divide it by the number of months & make that payment monthly so that it's completely paid off by the time any interest would be charged. Things are expensive enough. I don't need to add interest costs on top of that. I got my BS degree in accounting along with computer science & It feels so good living on my own to handle my finances responsibly the way I learned was wise in my education & not have someone fighting against what is wise.

I am confused on those maxed out credit cards. If he has 2k sitting there then those tiny credit cards should be paid off long time ago. Makes no sense

I don't judge people on facing debt. I have debt too. Not everyone is wise with money AND people have different circumstances. I had no good insurance and was single mom and ended up having to charge for health care. And I lost money in unfortunate incidents. Well the difference it's MY money and my life. I don't ask anyone to support me or pay my debt. That's a scary way to live IMHO

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divine1966 · Jun 14, 2016, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

What about cleaning houses or offices to make some extra money? I don't think you'd have to interact with many people doing that and a dollar is a dollar. I would set up my own checking account with only my name on it. Squirrel away the odd dollar or two and your paychecks in that.

The reality is that if something happens to him you need to be able to fend for yourself. Remind him of that if he goes off on your decision to start making your own money and paying for your own small pleasures and bills out of your own checking account.

I cleaned houses. Not a bad idea.

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Jun 14, 2016, 11:19 AM

Well.
Finances are personal.

That aside, Shy Introvert, do you have friends or family who are in (what you would consider) to be a happy, healthy relationship/marriage?

Jun 19, 2016, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I honestly think it was a maid. You seriously left your purse with all that money left there? Omg you know workers etc often do that stuff? But then after reading more... It rightfully so could of been your husband. $750? That's a lot of money for some people. And you seem to have the habit of leaving your purse around so he might of saw it, and taken back what he saw as "his". But i do believe you guys should share finances but you should taken a just needed for that time being and needed, not $750 dollars worth. I have to be honest, after I read your first post I was thinking "wow she has a issue with spending and snagging her husbands money? That's not right!" But as the thread played out, I've gotten compassion for you and I commend you for getting help!

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I still think that it is possible that a maid or a very bold passenger took it. However, more likely than not, my husband probably took it back. It'd be to high risk for a maid or a passenger to have taken it. I stupidly left my purse in the room thinking that oh, the door is locked, what could happen?

And the maids weren't even supposed to clean our room during that time. Anything is possible though. As for what you said about me being someone how has an issue with spending and taking his money, I'm not like that. Now that I think of what you said, I do NOW think that A LOT of people, even people that I thought would understand my situation like my friends often do judge people like me, no matter what the situation is like.

Most of them are struggling financially. And a lot of people are weird when it comes to money. It can cause a lot of resentment and jealousy issues with people, so from now on, it's best to NOT talk about money that much with most people. Especially when they're struggling financially. One friend that I plan to dump soon for not really being there for me anymore is working two jobs. Since I told her about this, I have not heard back from her.

I'm sure that she's thinking, oh wow, what a spoiled bratt, why doesn't she just get another job like me? Ugh! Thanks for being sympathetic. I wish more people were less judgemental about money like you are. One former friend kept on telling me all the time how lucky I was to have a husband who takes care of me. And he did know that he is controlling too, but he still thought of me as being lucky, lol! I am in a way I guess. I dumped him for being a bad friend and for revealing a secret of mine to his g.f and everyone around him at the time among other unforgiveable things

Since I came back from my trip, most of my friends have been ignoring me. It almost seems as if they're jealous of me. I hope that I'm wrong about that. I thought that they'd be more sympathetic about the money situation, but it doesn't seem as if they care about that at all. This is even more upsetting than loosing that money to begin with. If that happened to them, I'd feel bad for them even if they had a lot of money to begin with. This makes me sad and angry at the same time.

Jun 19, 2016, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I also am a bit confused about your back and forth " hes good /He's controlling"

As to your legal issues .. they are not going to stop you from finding employment. Sure you might not like a job for a variety of reason.... but... The best way to find a better job is to be working somewhere.

Sometimes push indeed comes to shove and you just have to get up and tackle any and everything that is in your way to build confidence in yourself. Once you have some confidence you will probably be more able to sit down and have a much needed discussion about your money and your relationship in general.

Life is much to short to stay in a bad relationship.

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Sorry about that. The fact that he IS controlling when it comes to money. He is OK when it comes to most other things most of the time. He no longer tries to force me to change who I am, or pressure me to. I resolved those issues a long time ago, thank god!

I'm going to look for a job soon. It won't be easy to find one with my past record. Hopefully someone will give me a chance. A few places have job openings around me, so I'll apply for a job at those places soon. I'm nervous as I haven't worked in a long time due to lots of reasons.

I am also going to that free counseling place soon like I mentioned. I'm just about better now, finally-

I was probably sick for almost a month! Hopefully they can help me build better communication skills, improve my self esteem and confidence level.

And I have talked to my husband many, many times about how controlling he is, but he won't listen to me, ugh. I'll tell a counselor about it soon and ask them if there is anything that I can do to get him to change and to try to see things from my point of view.

Jun 19, 2016, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Also have you considered to take a loan? You don't need to pay out of pocket for school. And community college or trade school are inexpensive.

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I'm not sure if I'd qualify for a loan since my husbands income is above average. We need money now, so I'll have to put that on the back burner. Getting a degree would take up more time and money than I'm willing to invest in. I'd go back to school only to learn about topics of interest, or to brush up on computer skills, but that's it.

Jun 19, 2016, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

taking a loan for education under these circumstances isn't wise especially if she has doubt that she can work to pay back the loan in the first place even if she does make it through the education. Especially Fanny Mae loans are NOT FORGIVING about not getting paid back & they aren't let off in any bankruptcy. They already have maxed out credit cards that aren't being paid off. Which is also unwise if in truth her H really is sitting with 20,000 in the bank account all the time. Those small credit cards & their high interest the H would be stupid not to pay off unless it's his way of keeping shy from spending any more money.

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I agree with what you said. We need money now, and to incur more debt now would not be wise at all. It will probably take me a LONG time to get another job, and a LONG time to pay off our debts as well!

He only pays off $100 each month on my 3 low limit cards. I'm lucky if he pays off more than that in a month. After one trip to the grocery store, you can see why I'd be maxed out so quickly. Especially when I have other expenses like gas, Drs. bills, etc....It's not like I'm going on shopping sprees each time he pays off a credit card.

ComfortablyNumb5 · Jun 19, 2016, 03:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

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I still think that it is possible that a maid or a very bold passenger took it. However, more likely than not, my husband probably took it back. It'd be to high risk for a maid or a passenger to have taken it. I stupidly left my purse in the room thinking that oh, the door is locked, what could happen?

And the maids weren't even supposed to clean our room during that time. Anything is possible though. As for what you said about me being someone how has an issue with spending and taking his money, I'm not like that. Now that I think of what you said, I do NOW think that A LOT of people, even people that I thought would understand my situation like my friends often do judge people like me, no matter what the situation is like.

Most of them are struggling financially. And a lot of people are weird when it comes to money. It can cause a lot of resentment and jealousy issues with people, so from now on, it's best to NOT talk about money that much with most people. Especially when they're struggling financially. One friend that I plan to dump soon for not really being there for me anymore is working two jobs. Since I told her about this, I have not heard back from her.

I'm sure that she's thinking, oh wow, what a spoiled bratt, why doesn't she just get another job like me? Ugh! Thanks for being sympathetic. I wish more people were less judgemental about money like you are. One former friend kept on telling me all the time how lucky I was to have a husband who takes care of me. And he did know that he is controlling too, but he still thought of me as being lucky, lol! I am in a way I guess. I dumped him for being a bad friend and for revealing a secret of mine to his g.f and everyone around him at the time among other unforgiveable things

Since I came back from my trip, most of my friends have been ignoring me. It almost seems as if they're jealous of me. I hope that I'm wrong about that. I thought that they'd be more sympathetic about the money situation, but it doesn't seem as if they care about that at all. This is even more upsetting than loosing that money to begin with. If that happened to them, I'd feel bad for them even if they had a lot of money to begin with. This makes me sad and angry at the same time.

Yes finances can be a sensitive subject and should probably be kept out of the friendship ring of convo IMO. My bf "takes care" of me too but I don't like to talk about it. It makes me feel like I have nothing to offer though I know deep down I do. I'm just going through personal stuff with my MI and seeking SSD so it's a touchy process and very stressful. Whenever we talk about money it turns into a big deal and I hate it. I rather just keep my nose out of it lol. To be honest, he does hide his wallet from me because I've snagged a $20 here and there and ran to the store lol. So I get it! But snagging $700? Oh man, he'd have smoke coming out of his ears for sure lol.

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Jun 19, 2016, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

What about cleaning houses or offices to make some extra money? I don't think you'd have to interact with many people doing that and a dollar is a dollar. I would set up my own checking account with only my name on it. Squirrel away the odd dollar or two and your paychecks in that.

The reality is that if something happens to him you need to be able to fend for yourself. Remind him of that if he goes off on your decision to start making your own money and paying for your own small pleasures and bills out of your own checking account.

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I'll think about that. It has to be light overnight janitorial work though, and not regular housecleaning. I hate doing heavy duty cleaning. I'm a night person, so hopefully I can find a stock or some night job to where I don't have to lift anything heavy consistently, but unfortunately, a lot of those jobs do require people to be able to lift 50lbs. or more. I have back problems, so that's out of the question if it has to be consistent.

I do know that maybe one day I'll have to fend for myself. I will definitely start saving money once I get a job. Even now I'll try to save whatever I can. And of course I'll get my own checking account when I have enough saved up. I just hope that someone will give me a chance and hire me when I do start to look for a job, which will be within a week.

Jun 19, 2016, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

Taking student loan out in her financial situation would be terribly UNWISE......

No guarantee that she would end up with a huge loan & no way to pay it back.....& student loans aren't pardonable under ANY bankruptcy.

As for the small credit cards that are sitting there maxed out, paying all that interest. If in fact the H does have a bank account sitting there at 20,000 it wouldn't be wise for him to let 3 credit cards under 1000 sit there unpaid off unless it's his way of keeping shy's spending under control.

I just don't get a good big picture of this situation

Yes, I do know how hard it is to live on cash only, that is THE ONLY WAY I LIVE & it's the only responsible way to live. Paying interest on credit makes EVERYTHING cost more than you think it costs. 16,000 is a huge amount & it's NOT relative to his amount, it's a sign of your own lack of responsible spending. I know because I've been there too & would NEVER go back there. I would NEVER live on anything but the cash I have available & I save up monthly for my annual expenses so that the money is RIGHT THERE when I need it. The only credit I ever use are the ones where there is absolutely NO interest charge & I may have 6-18 months to pay it off. I take the amount & divide it by the number of months & make that payment monthly so that it's completely paid off by the time any interest would be charged. Things are expensive enough. I don't need to add interest costs on top of that. I got my BS degree in accounting along with computer science & It feels so good living on my own to handle my finances responsibly the way I learned was wise in my education & not have someone fighting against what is wise.

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Good for you. I disagree with you that it is possible to live off cash only when you barely have much to begin with. Especially in an expensive place like Ca. If you have enough cash to live off, that's one thing, but when you don't, what choice does one have if you need to eat and get gas for your car, go to the Drs., etc....stop eating, stop driving, stop going to the Drs.?

A lot of people have to live off credit. Not because they are irresponsible like you said. You don't know me, and you don't know what I spend money on each month, so please don't be so judgemental. It's not as if I go out and buy a new dress every month, no, I rarely do. I spend money on food, gas, meds, the Drs., our cats, toilet paper, soap, and stuff that I NEED. I hope that you can understand that. Not being rude, just saying.

Jun 19, 2016, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

She doesn't need Fanny Mae. Just needs to fill out FAFSA. I never paid s penny out of my pocket and always took a loan. Well if one doesn't intend to work there is no point to go to school. That's for sure

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I never said that I had no intention of working. I ended up that way due to a variety of reasons. No one would hire me, so I stopped looking after awhile. I already stated many times that I was going to try again after I got better. I was sick for almost a month.

Why would I mention that I'll look for a job when I have no intention of doing so? Please stop with the judgement. It's not cool. I came here for support, not judgement. You're assuming to much about me w/o knowing much about my situation.

Jun 19, 2016, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

Well.
Finances are personal.

That aside, Shy Introvert, do you have friends or family who are in (what you would consider) to be a happy, healthy relationship/marriage?

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True. Perhaps I made a big mistake in revealing TMI on here, ugh. Never again. People can be very judgemental when it comes to money. Even friends and family. As for friends who are in happy relationships, one is, but the rest are single and not happy about it. One lady is independent although she isn't working. She has a slight physical disability. She lives with two roommates.

My mom & dad's marriage was never good. My younger sister doesn't work, and she relies on her b.f and my parents for money and support. At least I can say that I don't need my parents help anymore.

Jun 19, 2016, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Yes finances can be a sensitive subject and should probably be kept out of the friendship ring of convo IMO. My bf "takes care" of me too but I don't like to talk about it. It makes me feel like I have nothing to offer though I know deep down I do. I'm just going through personal stuff with my MI and seeking SSD so it's a touchy process and very stressful. Whenever we talk about money it turns into a big deal and I hate it. I rather just keep my nose out of it lol. To be honest, he does hide his wallet from me because I've snagged a $20 here and there and ran to the store lol. So I get it! But snagging $700? Oh man, he'd have smoke coming out of his ears for sure lol.

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It sure is! From now on, I won't dare mention money at all to anyone, especially when I know that they're struggling! It's just a bad idea! And it can end up making people jealous! Also, a lot of people will judge you for "spending" to much money, being "lazy" for not working, no matter what you're going through, etc...

Sorry to hear about your situation! That's good to know that I'm not the only one who does that, lol! I'm sure that it's more common than we realize. It's just that not to many people would admit that, lol! It's not like I have a habit of taking that much money btw, lol! I took it during a weeks time, not all at once! That would be to obvious, lol! Apparently, I did take to much, as he noticed and took it back probably-

divine1966 · Jun 19, 2016, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

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I never said that I had no intention of working. I ended up that way due to a variety of reasons. No one would hire me, so I stopped looking after awhile. I already stated many times that I was going to try again after I got better. I was sick for almost a month.

Why would I mention that I'll look for a job when I have no intention of doing so? Please stop with the judgement. It's not cool. I came here for support, not judgement. You're assuming to much about me w/o knowing much about my situation.

I was not responding to you but to the other poster. And wasn't passing judgement. I suggested you take loans for education but then the other poster said it doesn't make sense because if you aren't going to work why take loans. My comment was that in general if one doesn't intend to work then of course it is dumb to take loans. Clearly it wasn't about you. If it was I wouldn't suggest you take a loan. since I am suggesting you take a loan, I don't assume you would not be working to pay it back.

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Jun 19, 2016, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I was not responding to you but to the other poster. And wasn't passing judgement. I suggested you take loans for education but then the other poster said it doesn't make sense because if you aren't going to work why take loans. My comment was that in general if one doesn't intend to work then of course it is dumb to take loans. Clearly it wasn't about you. If it was I wouldn't suggest you take a loan. since I am suggesting you take a loan, I don't assume you would not be working to pay it back.

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Ooopppsss.....sorry about that. I misunderstood what you wrote apparently! I had a long weekend! Thanks for your suggestions. I'll keep all of that in mind for when things are better. Soon I'll have to put together the best resume that I can manage to write with very limited experience. I'll use this professional template writer that can even make me look good, lol!

The problem is that I'll have a hard time explaining things to a prospective employer when the time comes. I'll have to start another thread about that soon. God, this will be scary as hell! It was hard enough before I had anything on my record, but now, it'll be even 10x harder trying to convince employers to take a chance on me, ugh! It'll be a miracle if anyone does hire me for anything that's not telemarketing or some crappy sales job. Not even I am that desperate for money. To hell with those jobs.

divine1966 · Jun 19, 2016, 09:20 PM

Good luck with job search! It could be stressful!

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Jun 19, 2016, 09:31 PM

Thanks! It is super stressful! Job interviews are one of the most nerve wracking things that I can think of! I suck at them too, so it's a miracle that I ever got any job in the past! I'm not the worst interviewer there is, but I'm far from being a confident one, that's for sure!

divine1966 · Jun 20, 2016, 07:15 AM

You might have to do several job interviews just for the practice. Typically retail jobs are not required demanding interviews. Overall apply for bunch of jobs as a good practice

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Jun 20, 2016, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy Introvert

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True. Perhaps I made a big mistake in revealing TMI on here, ugh. Never again. People can be very judgemental when it comes to money. Even friends and family. As for friends who are in happy relationships, one is, but the rest are single and not happy about it. One lady is independent although she isn't working. She has a slight physical disability. She lives with two roommates.

My mom & dad's marriage was never good. My younger sister doesn't work, and she relies on her b.f and my parents for money and support. At least I can say that I don't need my parents help anymore.

It's not so much about the money here...

Possibly your thoughts about what's "okay" in a relationship are skewed...of course they would be if you are not exposed to a good one. Anyone's would be as we learn from what we see around us.

There should be honesty and openness. There are not lies. There is not stealing by either person. There should be communication, not a battle for control by withholding information.

Every couple has their problems. It's HOW they are fixed that makes things good. Is counseling an option?

Jun 21, 2016, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

You might have to do several job interviews just for the practice. Typically retail jobs are not required demanding interviews. Overall apply for bunch of jobs as a good practice

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I know that unfortunately! I don't know about that. I did apply for a job at Target a few times, and they never called me back. Oh well, whatever! I do think that most retail stores do backgrounds checks. Big companies do. Only small businesses don't do them usually do them usually due to the fact that they don't have the money to do background checks.

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Stolen money on trip, maybe husband took it back?

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