Problems in Paradise

I have been with my husband going on 3 years now and I'm beginning to feel hopeless in a couple of areas. The first one being his family. I have had to deal with several of his family members verbally attacking me, insulting me and my kids, and accusing me for crazy things such as being controlling and psycho. However, I also found out that some of these behaviors were because HE makes me out to be crazy to his family when I've confronted him on things like secretly talking to other girls or hitting my kids to hard when he disciplines. I have confronted him on this and we even got a therapist that explained to him that he needs to refrain from belittling me to his family or involving them in our disagreements. He still does it anyway. The therapist also told him he needed to arrange a meeting with his mother and he needed to express to her that it is not ok to put me down and emotionally abuse me. He never followed through on this either and simply told me he called her and told her privately. He also makes a lot of excuses for his mother's behavior and says things like "don't take it personally...That's how she is and everyone's had to put up with her crap". But it's getting worse. Last week we got into yet another disagreement regarding his being to rough with my kids when disciplining and the next thing I know, his mom is at my house, in my face, verbally attacking me and my kids. I finally made her leave my property and then expressed to him that he needs to defend me regarding his mother and her actions and that he also needed to confront her on this. It's been a week and he hasn't said anything to her even though he's spoken with her on the phone and been to her house. What do I do with a husband that refuses to listen to therapists and even his own wife?

Quite simply, you leave.

Easily said, I know.

I am not particularly well at the moment so I hope others will pipe in here for support. It sounds rather abusive to me.

(Help, Trippin...)

Well my guess is that he is not going to cross his mother. I suspect that he has had a lifetime of "putting up with her crap", meaning that he learned in childhood never to cross her or there would be consequences. Whether or not you yourself are willing to live with her continuing in her current behaviors towards you (and with the fact that your husband sees other women) is up to you.

Your children, though, seem to me to be a different manner. How old are they? It sounds like your husband is physically abusing them. You've asked him to stop, and he hasn't stopped. What does the therapist think of his methods of discipline? In addition, there are several family members who apparently routinely insult you and your kids, and you have a mother-in-law who "verbally attacks" you and your children. It was a struggle to get her to stop the abuse and leave your property. Your children, then, it sounds like, are being emotionally abused if not terrified. In addition, they are learning that it is okay to insult and their mother and ignore her wishes, family members do it all the time. They are also learning that, when they grow up, it is normal, accepted behavior to insult and mistreat women and children.

You have tried multiple reasonable ways to get your husband to change his behavior, and to get him to protect you and your children from family members. He apparently is unwilling and/or unable to do so. For the safety of your children, then, I agree with sophiesmom: it is time to leave.

I agree with Bill3 and sophiesmom. This sounds incredibly stressful. It sounds like a lot of abuse being heaped on you and your children. If your husband is physically abusive towards them that is a concern. Growing up in a chaotic enviornment is not healthy for them. You tried counseling and speaking to you're husband. I think it's time to leave. I know it's not easy to up and leave. But for the health and welfare of you and your children I would consider it. You deserve to live in an environment free of abuse

I also agree with above advice..

Leaving is hell on anyone but you and your children deserve better and the what I consider physical abuse to the kids is unacceptable.

Leave or make him leave.

Meanwhile find a therapist for yourself and they can help guide you to find services that can be helpful and try to determine what is going to be best for you and the kids.

I'm sorry your in this situation. Welcome to PC

I am sorry you are in this predicament but frankly what to do with the husband who beats young children, sees other women and tells his family his wife is crazy is kind of a rhetorical question.

Are these only your kids? Not his? Why is he even allowed to touch them???

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Agree with the above. Get out, or get him out, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the children. You should probably sit down with a lawyer, before doing anything, so that you know your options, and how to proceed in a way that is best for you and the children.
No child deserves to be hit. Period. Or belittled.

I'm part of the choir.


Take your kids and run, or pack his stuff and leave it in the drive way.


Either way ending it is the best course of action. You've tried to mend your marriage, he's chosen his mother over you time and time again, disrespected you and your kids, over and over...


You've done all you can, you've played your part....


At this point, anything more would be self inflicted.


Don't subject you or your children to this any longer.

You take your precious children and your beautiful self and leave!

Get a lawyer, have hubby removed. Whatever it takes to protect your children and yourself.

Abuse is abuse verbal, physical, emotional, financial, sexual it's all abuse and should not be tolerated.

Take care and do what's best for your children. What they are learning now is not how you want them to grow up to be.

I'm speaking from experience. I left abusive ex. I had no job and a 13 yr old son. It can be done!

Thoughts are with you during this journey.