[ladytiger]

I am not seeing a therapist and not sure when I will see one. I am gonna vent because I am about to explode. A male friend who is married, we were talking about different things and I am not really liking how he's accusing me of not being interested in this or that etc last night he said you don't sound excited about a lot of things. This is why people know nothing about my past/traumas. When people do that, I tend to go into having a cold attitude, feeling threatened, and being nasty - old defense attitude.

Okay, people don't understand my emotions. I do keep them surpress, most times I don't feel anything, and not in tune with my emotions like I should be basically emotionally unavailable and dead on the inside. This is something my former therapist was really working on me hard. I had this talk with my roommates/friends who are married about how this other friend seems to wanna figure me out; (mutual friend) how I felt my feelings are being hurt. I cried which I felt attacked because I am not showing a lot of emotions about different things. My roomies said I develop this crying emotion (forgot how they explained it) as far as I am concern I am not sure when to feel hurt, threaten (most times I know), or when to know if I should talk to a friend about what they said to me because I will get told I am overly sensitive.

Sometimes, this male friend pisses me off feels like I can't talk to him and one day I avoided texting him. This is why I still have walls up and still closed off. I might have to finish this later, so far, do I have a valid point, does the friend have a valid point, or am I over reacting?

[Trippin2.0]

Well, for one I wouldn't call what he said an accusation.... Seems more like an observation on his part (from how you describe yourself) but that's not to say your emotional reaction is invalid.


I say this only because I've learned that the way I perceive things impacts my thought processes and emotions directly, and have worked hard at obtaining accurate perceptions.


The fact is, people don't usually like it when others point out something "negative" about them, even if there's truth to what they say, sometimes especially when.


That's not to say you don't like hearing the truth, I'm generalizing on a large scale here to hopefully make my post coherent because I should be asleep.


And sometimes its not because we don't like hearing the truth, but the person who's pointing it out, doesn't know the root of said painful truth, and probably misunderstands us completely.


Idk what the solution is, but when I'm put in similar situations and its not someone I can speak freely with, I just answer with, "That may be what it looks like to you, but not everything is black and white"...


Or if I feel comfortable sharing, I would communicate with the friend because I don't deal well at all with being misunderstood. I very much prefer clarity all round


I hope you're able to figure this all out.

[ladytiger]

I agree I was told this by other people too. My roomie said at social events I come across as I don't want to be there for me it's codependency and abandonment when I'm left alone.

Of course I still have a great deal of fear and terror that I still carry. I'm in a better environment more positive but I haven't been able to feel authentic yet. I still carry deep resentment and bitterness it still requires a therapist to work on.

Sigh. Another issue is they say I don't talk much I'm too quiet yes I am another fear issue. I used to be so outgoing this quiet version of me is from years of abuse not even the real me.

Hmm I need to find some resources to start the process not sure when I'll go see a therapist. Not sure where to start? I tend to sulk and withdraw I've been in therapy to help myself I don't need people to point out my negative flaws see how I'm starting to feel resentful? I know my issues they don't.

[Trippin2.0]

What has helped me, is to focus on the fact that people aren't necessarily pointing things out to purely bring them to my attention.


I try to see it from their perspective...


Sometimes they're trying to understand me, sometimes they're speaking out of concern, etc.


As long as I can remember that its not a personal attack on my character, and its either concern or curiosity, then I don't have negative feelings building up against them.


After all, I myself will point out if a friend seems "off" to me, and that's out of concern, so I just apply that same logic and afford my friends the same benefit of the doubt.

[ladytiger]

I didn't know I had a response to this.

I feel like with this particular friend that I don't have much to say. I feel as though we are not connected like we used to be hardly texting/talking. I don't want to lose my friendship with him and his wife. Kinda feels like I am tip toeing around him afraid of another accusation about myself. I am like stop playing therapist you don't have the skills to help me in that dept. I hate when people point this **** out they wonder why I keep building walls.

My other friends asked me what if you saw someone who is aloof in the corner? I said I'd be thinking they either don't want to be there etc. I wanted to say what about those who have social anxiety issues? Not something I have but still. I feel like kinda avoiding him at social events another one of those she isn't talking much or she has been talking somewhat like wtf? When do people get to sit there and analyze other's behaviors by taking notes? That makes me resentful and it's stay out of my biz! Feels like I gotta conform to what others want you don't do this or that.

Yea, this does make it frustrating.