[ace333]

I'm very conflicted. I have been in my relationship 8 years. He and I have had many ups and downs and now finally in a decent place, yet I just don't care. He's very his way or highway, if u don't like exactly all the same things he does or have the same opinions then its a problem. For eight years I have been trying to get this to stop, I have tried to make him more affectionate , to live together and don't even get me started on marriage. He's not completely bad obviously I'd have left long ago if that was all he was. But now I find myself wanting to leave mostly because I'm bored. I don't care what he does who he's with, I wanna be by myself more than with him. I even dare say I want to sleep with other people, not anyone in particular just something and someone new. But I feel guilty since its been 8 years any advice

I think you may be a co-dependant.

[John25]

It sounds like the relationship has run its course.

[divine1966]

I left my ex after 9 years together. We lived together. Two years later I am engaged and getting married in 3 weeks.

If I stayed I'd still be there. Still not really happy. My ex was unsuccessfully recovering alcoholic and his, failure to launch, daughter lived with us making my life living hell ( she had major stealing and hygiene and life style problems), it was so bad when she moved back with us that he relapsed and drank again. It was so stressful.

My life is a bliss now. I don't know if you need to leave but life is too short to be unhappy

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[Crazy Hitch]

You need to figure out some ways to put spark into your relationship.

Apart from new adventures in the bedroom, there are new activities you two should start doing on the weekends together. Going to the beach, out for dinner etc.

I think relationships can hit a plateau phase quite easily.

Now in having said all of the above, if you find my above suggestions simply don't work, then perhaps you do need to consider moving on. But make your choice wisely because it may not be that easy to come back to the relationship if you've made a commitment to leave.

Originally Posted by ace333

I'm very conflicted. I have been in my relationship 8 years. He and I have had many ups and downs and now finally in a decent place, yet I just don't care. He's very his way or highway, if u don't like exactly all the same things he does or have the same opinions then its a problem. For eight years I have been trying to get this to stop, I have tried to make him more affectionate , to live together and don't even get me started on marriage. He's not completely bad obviously I'd have left long ago if that was all he was. But now I find myself wanting to leave mostly because I'm bored. I don't care what he does who he's with, I wanna be by myself more than with him. I even dare say I want to sleep with other people, not anyone in particular just something and someone new. But I feel guilty since its been 8 years any advice

The his way or the highway is not good at all.

I'm tempted to say move on. However, you said you're conflicted so you could try couple's counseling to see if your relationship can be repaired. He'd need to fully own up to his issues and you as to yours (we all have issues and it takes two in a relationship) in counseling. If one of you cannot or will not do that, I think the relationship is irretrievably broken.

Your boredom may include feelings of contempt and that is a sign that you should move on, in my opinion. You may feel conflicted because it sounds like he always has to be in the right...and you may be doubting yourself because of those relationship dynamics.

If it were me, I would leave and enter therapy for support. Good luck.

[LadyShadow]

I agree with some of the others, if couples counseling doesn't work, then its run its course. Life is too short to be bored and lifeless.

[ace333]

Unfortunately he's not up for counseling, I have suggested it many times for our other issues. He views it as pointless and they aren't going to tell him anything he does already know. With trying new things that's hard as well if its not something or somewhere he wants to go its a no go but when he chooses things whether or not I want to I always have to go. Its another big reason I'm conflicted because there's tons of things and places I want to go and do bit can't because of him or because I spend my money solely on the things he wants to do . and I'm not saying I don't like all of them Cuz I do most of the time. I have always owned up to every wrong , but can't or refuses, previously I was always being blamed for stiff that wasn't even my fault which I guess should be a huge red flag to leave. But now that I just don't care or show any sympathy he's all up my ***** and acting like everything's fine. I've even given him multiple warnings that if we don't live together to plan to get married soon I'm going to to leave, but I dont think he takes me seriously

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ace333

Unfortunately he's not up for counseling, I have suggested it many times for our other issues. He views it as pointless and they aren't going to tell him anything he does already know. With trying new things that's hard as well if its not something or somewhere he wants to go its a no go but when he chooses things whether or not I want to I always have to go. Its another big reason I'm conflicted because there's tons of things and places I want to go and do bit can't because of him or because I spend my money solely on the things he wants to do . and I'm not saying I don't like all of them Cuz I do most of the time. I have always owned up to every wrong , but can't or refuses, previously I was always being blamed for stiff that wasn't even my fault which I guess should be a huge red flag to leave. But now that I just don't care or show any sympathy he's all up my ***** and acting like everything's fine. I've even given him multiple warnings that if we don't live together to plan to get married soon I'm going to to leave, but I dont think he takes me seriously

Yikes. Lots of red flags on this?

"But now that I just don't care or show sympathy..."

"I've given him multiple warnings that if we don't live together to plan to get married soon I'm going to leave, but I don't think he takes me seriously."

Is it that you truly "don't care?"
Are you fed up and/or angry with him at this point?

You have explained your innermost feelings and he doesn't take you seriously?
Please think on this one.

I'd suggest you follow through on your own counseling, in order to determine what you want. If you decide you might like to further explore a relationship with him, then consider seeing a couples therapist with him while keeping up with your own therapy/therapist.

Sometimes we can benefit from couples therapy to enhance/heal our relationships. Sometimes we can benefit from couples therapy to learn how to best terminate with one another, moving on with minimal drama, minimal turmoil, while still respecting one another.

I hope you will gain clarity on whatever you want and need.

In Support of You,
WC