Hubby needs a keeper not a wife

I think I'm beginning to feel resentment, big time. I have had it up to here (see me point to the top of my head).

I know I should be supportative, caring, understanding, blah, blah, blah. Don't misunderstand, we are life time partners and will be together until the end.

He has been in the hospital twice in the last 8 months with congestive heart failure. His body fills up with so much fluid his heart is impaired and can't pump oxygen so he can't breathe. Twice paramedics have rushed him to the hospital with lights and siren hoping they arrive in time.

Call me crazy (don't answer that) and maybe it's just a woman thing, but I know when I feel bloated. I know when I can't fit into my favorite pair of pants. I know when my feet and ankles are swollen. Appartenly this man hasn't a clue.

He is diabetic, has high blood pressure, his kidneys are not functioning properly and has survived surgery, radiation and chemotherapy from throat cancer. He's very lucky to be alive. I'm lucky he is here.

Sorry this is getting much to long.

It is just that he expects me to do everything. He works 8 hours a day I'll grant him that. And I know being a computer geek is hard work. Oh and he does play golf 2 times a week and bowls every Sat. night. Gee I wonder if he......never mind life never changes.

What is it they say....3 strikes and your out.....Hubby has already had 2.

I'm glad you were able to vent. Sounds like a very frustrating situation

I probably sound like a broken record by now...Have you had your candid sit down conversation asserting how all this effects you and your relationship with him?

Thanks Direction. We have had that kind of talk but it just doesn't sink in.

Life is just not going to change so I have to accept it.

We have been together 20+ years. Hubby has always been this way. My brother-in-law confirmed as much when I saw him in June. Guess when you're young and in love you are also blind as a bat.

He won't accept that I'm disabled. I can barely make it through the day but since I'm not running a fever there must be nothing wrong. T and pdoc have both talked with him. He shakes is head yes but we come home and nothing changes.

Direction, I sure hope things are coming together for you.

It sounds like hubby is trying to enjoy himself, despite his health problems. I know it's aggravating for you, but what do you do that is nice for yourself?
Patty

I'm sorry that there doesn't seem to be a willingness on his part to grow...

One of the things that I was counseled on is changing my reaction to my spouse...

Direction, I hope everything works out for you.
Hang in there.

If it is in reference to my spouse...it has been much easier to react to her since she became my ex-spouse...

We have to work as a team for our children's sake...the divorce has brought a lot of change to us...the first 18 months was not pretty...

I knew to stay healthy, I could not be in the same house...sorry for the confusions...

Yes seeker, I think he is enjoying himself.
More important in some ways is being physically active.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Keb}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know exactly what you're saying! My hubby doesn't take care of himself, either. He expects me to! But does he take care of me?? NO!

I don't have any real answers, Hon. I'm sorry.

Thanks SeptemberMorn

Most times I deal with it but today just had to vent a little.

Keb,

My husband of 34 years seems obliviuos to his health issues also.

Hopefully, he has life insurance.

You're like me -- you really want your husband around.

Our life has been so hectic for going on six years, I haven't even managed to pick up some life insurance for him.

It's good to vent!

Hugs,

EJ

Yes EJ is is good to vent. A good stress reliever.

Sounds like frustrating situation. So glad you were able to vent and get things off your chest.

I just wish that after venting I felt better or figured things out or or or something.

Keb, most of the problem is these men were probably Mom's boys, it took me 4 years to untie the apron strings on my hubby, 31 years he still can't find his way to kitchen for food, when he's ill OMG, you'd think he was dying, hang in their , we're with you
xoxox
Angie

I know mine was Moma's baby. And I realize he has some major medical problems. But he just doesn't seem to understand that I can't heel him with cookies and milk.

He is going to have to learn to take care of himself, watch what he eats, get some physical exercise. He is going to have to listen to his body, learn the enitial signs of trouble, question symptoms, medications, etc.

Spending all his time snoring on the sofa does not take care of anything.

What is the defination of a "Moma's Boy"...I've always wondered what women think..

I'm not sure about Mama's boy but Mama's baby means hubby was the baby of the family.

He was the youngest so his mother let him get away with more than his brothers because he was the youngest. She would make his favorite cookies, have his favorite dinner. If hubby wanted it most times he got it.

He expects life to remain that way but now instead of a mother there is a wife. Instead of brothers living in the same house he has the responsibility of children.

He needs to get his priorities in order. He'll still get his favorite cookies but not everytime he wants them.

My cousin when we spoke last told me that men just seem to be more self-focused than women. He said our motheres told us we were wonderful and we believed them. He said, "Look at me, I never even took time to marry."

Hugs, EJ

A "Mama's Boy" is a guy who is too attached to his mother. Some might have different definitions of that, but in general, if he puts his mother first above his wife, he's a mama's boy. If he depends on his mother to cook for him, do his laundry, and take care of him once he's an adult, he's a mama's boy. Actually, I feel, if he's an older teen and he's still not helping around the house, he's a mama's boy. Even if he works, he can be a mama's boy. Most of these guys expect their wives to take care of him the way Mama does, but even if she does, when he has a fight with his wife, he'll often run to Mommy. He might go over Mom's for dinner a lot, too, even if his wife is willing to cook for him.

I think it's pathetic. Women aren't here to take care of men like that. Women should do nice things for their men, and men should do nice things for their women, but to take care of all his needs and wants all the time, is slavish and sad.

Now, I want to clarify, there is a difference between a Mama's Boy, and a guy who really loves his mother and likes to be in her life. The latter is a wonderful thing. But this type of guy doesn't run to Mommy when problems arise in his marriage, he doesn't tell Mom all the gossip of his marriage, he can take care of himself, he takes care of his wife, and he values women. He's a Real Man.

I was thinking a few days ago, actually, about an odd thing:

While we are usually put off by any adult these days who still live with their parents, or who are spoiled by their parents, it's still less ok to be a Mama's Boy than a Daddy's Girl.

I don't believe hubby is a Mama's Boy. At least I hope my children treat me better than he treats his mom.

My husband is a lazy, egotistical, procrastinator. If I don't write a note and nail it to his forehead. Is doesn't get done.

My brother in law says there is hubby's time and then regular time. He will gladly volunteer to do something. Only problem is when it needs to be done and when hubby gets around to doing it are 2 different things.

Is mine the only husband that thinks a turn off notice from the water company means they want us to conserve water?

Man I must have some really pent up venting to do.

I have the exact opposite in my husband in terms of his health! Well, almost opposite! He refuses medical treatment of any kind and refuses to let me look after him if he gets a bit ill. He just carries on with work and his social (sporting) life as though nothing is wrong. I am now forced to insist he receives a full physical (his first one ever) and boy are we clashing on that one!

In terms of doing things, his work is perfect but it usually takes a number of tries to get him to remember (and then do) the household things.

It is frustrating - vent away!

I don't mean to be sexist, but I've heard many times that men often are very stubborn about going to a doctor. I suppose it's because men are raised to be "tough" and deal with pain.

I don't have an answer here, just making a point and an observation.