Scary! Suddenly guys are flirting with ME!

I've never had a guy show interest in me before, and as much as I want to date, fall in love, and marry, this gives me a major pit-of-the-stomach fear. I don't know how to respond to this kind of attention. Right away fear wells up and I feel instinctively urged to run from it. Maybe I could figure it out if it was someone I already know... like the person I wish would take interest in me... but what to do if someone starts flirting with me who seems nice, like someone I might like, but I've only just met? I wouldn't know what to do if someone wanted to go do something with me... I don't even know how to handle potential friendships, and a potential dating relationship is so much more scary. Just thinking about it I get all tense.

Scary...It certainly can be...

Sounds like it might be best to keep anything (dating) to a minimum so you can get your bearings...say lunch...so you have a time to meet and then you know you are going to leave in an hour...

Not sure you can get a lot out of an hour, but it gives you a start to see if another lunch might work...something you think would work?

Just take it at the speed your comfortable with...

It's hard to know how to deal with something like this when you've never encountered it before.

First off, remember your core values and what you feel comfortable with. If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, then step away from that situation.

Many people harmlessly flirt....sometimes its a way to break the ice. As long as it's done in good taste, have a little fun with it!

If you find yourself wanting to get to know someone more but are afraid to go on a "date", see if you can gather some people together and all go out to eat, bowling, movies, whatever, together! There is less stress when you don't have to concentrate on just one individual

Most importantly, go at your own pace that you feel comfortable with. Don't ever let anyone push you to do something that doesn't feel right to you. Hope you can have some fun!

Hugss
J

Well, I'm definately not looking for physical attention, and if some guy tried to go that way I'd probably slap him or something. Which is another thing, I don't want to mislead (or even really have anything to do with) any guys looking for "faster" results with a girl... which is a complication to worry about.

...and I don't have anyone to call up like that... it hasn't been going very well to try to get together with a girl to try to build a friendship... ...which doesn't help my confidence...

I want close relationships so bad... I feel pretty content with who I am, and like I'd be a good person to have as a friend or girlfriend... but I'm so lost... it's non-sensical.

I'm doing really well emotionally - it's incredible, really - I feel very emotionally healthy and it's showing, that's why I'm suddenly getting flirted with, I just have this awful lonely disconnect thing... I wish I knew how to move past it

I'm so glad you are feeling much better emotionally. I think once other people can sense your self esteem and get a chance to know you more, you will be able to make some new friends.

Maybe it's time to get involved with new things to go with the new you? Things where you can network and meet new people with similar likes and dislikes. Volunteering is always a good way to meet new people. Just a thought, don't know how you would feel about that.

I wish you well and hope you can find connections soon!

Hugsss
J

Flirting can be fun. I know I am a shy person and sometimes when someone starts to flirt it brings me out of my shell. Doesn't always mean seriousness. I will say that if it makes you feel too uncomfortable then smile and walk away. A smile makes them feel good and you aren't slamming a door.

Your sense of well being is more than likely the cause. Holding your head high, smiling maybe laughing once in awhile at something. People notice body language. You maybe showing them "Hey I feel good about myself. I am confident and strong!!" These things are attractive to some.

Take it slow and have some fun with it. Sometimes just returning a smile for a "wow you look great today" is as good as anything you could say.

Just the fact that you phrase things this way: Well, I'm definately not looking for physical attention, and if some guy tried to go that way I'd probably slap him or something leads me to believe that you may have the wrong ideas about dating or relationships.
The point is not to get in that position in the first palce and you do that by being open and being yourself..not with
such an agressive-defensive attitude.
just my opinion.

I don't expect to end up in that situation... the point is just that I'm not concerned about getting pushed beyond what I'm comfortable with. Even though I can be quiet and have a tendency to not always speak up when I should, this is one thing I feel strongly about. To "slap him or something" is much more likely to give him a piece of my mind - a slap would only come if he did something incredibly inappropriate - like turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing and grap at me or something like that. It's not something I expect, just something I know how I'd react to, definately not go along with.

...my fear in this is so much more intangible and confusing... I know what it's NOT - like ending up in such a situation as above - but aside from overall failure leading to loss of confidence, I don't really know what it IS...

Hi, T...
I know what you mean...I am baffled totally when men want to engage me in conversation. I have never known how to flirt, and wouldn't recognize if a man was in fact flirting with me, but have encountered men lately who seem to want to talk to me??? Plus!, in my case I no longer have the energy or desire to put forth the effort to date or get to know someone, and I feel one must really want to do this in order to invite further attention and follow thru. Do you want to do this? If so, go for it!
Patty

I'm equally baffled about women engaging me in conversation. Are they flirting or being nice?

Gtrplayer had an interesting point. It might be a good time to practice those assertive skills and determine your boundaries. Your response sounds pretty aggressive for someone who is just flirting with you.

Yes there are plenty of men who give us a bad reputation. They are fairly easy to spot...

After a few casual dates...you can start talking about boundaries you've set...you'll see if his a man or just a player.